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  1. #1
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    Default Advice on AF chat to niece please

    Hi all

    No idea if this is in the right spot or even a duplicate, apologies if so!
    My brother called not long ago with an AF situation with my niece ... namely her first one. They lost her mother a number of years ago which is why I am being consulted. I talked him through some product choices to get them through the night and had a brief chat to her on the phone. I am going around tomorrow for a bigger chat, I feel kind of stupid for leaving it this long but she is only just 13 and I was 17 so I thought there was time. (And when did she get so grown up!!!) Anyway she knows the basics from school sex ed discussions but I remember that all being a bit useless in my day, so in my long winded way I am looking for advice on how to go about this or even anything you wish you knew about leak week that nobody told you??? Help! Mum never had this chat with me or my sister so I am feeling a little out of depth. I want to give her good practical advice and do her mum and my brother proud too. It's such a big deal moment in life and I am picking she wants mum not aunty

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    My mum was just open and honest. Why not just give the facts, then just be there if she has any questions. I would also disprove some urban myths whilst you're at it.

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    Default Advice on AF chat to niece please

    I had this chat with my little sister when the time came. Mum never talked with me about it either.

    Do you want to have a whole sex ed type talk? Or just an af type talk?

    I think it might be best to gauge what she knows first, ask her if she has any questions, any problems, how has she been coping so far.

    Maybe acknowledge that it might be embarrassing for her, but it's completely normal and encourage her to come to you with any questions.


    Apart from the usual safety stuff (safe sex etc), what I went through with my little sister was -

    - normal/not normal (can be a bit all over the place at first, will take a while to settle down and get to know your cycle)

    - products (liners, pads, tampons)

    - comfort (heat packs and nurofen/panadol for cramps, hot showers)
    Maybe run her through some other af things that can be normal, headaches , backaches, bloating, sore boobs etc

    I think that's probably all I went through.

    Oh and the day after we went shopping for a cute little bag for school (pads and a change of undies) and a nice little box thing for the bathroom to keep her feminine hygiene products in.

    I also put together a little drawstring bag - had some assorted chocolate, panadol, Nurofen, disposable heatpacks and a few chick flicks on a USB.

    Ex-DP tells me I went overboard, but I wanted her to know that she didn't need to be embarrassed, that it was normal and could occasionally be sh!t haha

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    excellent advice thank you both! Hadn't thought about urban myths @maternidade! That's excellent @SeymourTheBear well big brother thinks school covers it and she is too young but my theory is if AF has arrived then pregnancy is a possibility so it would be responsible to cover it so I will do AF topics and gauge if she wants to talk further about sex also. Love the bathroom box and school bag and the coping pack that's all very helpful and practical thank you!

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    Quote Originally Posted by hapuhope View Post
    excellent advice thank you both! Hadn't thought about urban myths @maternidade! That's excellent @SeymourTheBear well big brother thinks school covers it and she is too young but my theory is if AF has arrived then pregnancy is a possibility so it would be responsible to cover it so I will do AF topics and gauge if she wants to talk further about sex also. Love the bathroom box and school bag and the coping pack that's all very helpful and practical thank you!


    Well from personal experience - Yep sure is!

    I did wait till the next day. My little sister was 13 (I was 11), but she's so teeny tiny and had barely even hit puberty that it blindsided me. She shook me awake at 3am, said 'um I think I got my period' and went from there haha

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    Maybe cover when to change your pad/tampon. No one ever really covers that!!

    Also my 18yo cousin thought to get pregnant a guy had to come on your cl1terous. So don't rely on school sex ed!!

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    You could also show her some websites that have some useful info. Google the libra, carefree websites etc to show her. That way she has another source of information if you're not around or she wants to read more. Plus most of those websites will also send you free samples of their products and free stuff is always a winner.

    When I first got my AF (age 12) I didn't tell my mum because she went all OTT with my sister when hers started, and I didn't want the embarrassment/fuss. One thing that I could never get the hang of was tampons. Mum showed one to me and how it works, but the actual putting in of a tampon I could never get. I spent hours poring over the instruction page trying to make sense of it all. Perhaps make sure she knows about them, how to use them etc. Get her to try putting one in while you're there (on the other side of the door of course) so you can help her troubleshoot if need be.

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    I had a talk with someone else's daughter (for similar reasons) and put a really positive spin on it. My mum celebrated the 'womeness' of it with cake and a drink at a café and then we shopped for a nice little feminine bag.
    I agree that you need to address any myths or fears. My friend's daughter was worried about flooding at school and it running down her legs. I gave her a plan to deal with that if it ever happened. I also did the pad thing first and then after a couple of months she came requesting info about tampons. I think it's important to talk about appropriate disposal of pads etc as lots of places have nowhere to put them and then the child panics. I remember having my period at a sleepover and not being sure how to or where to hide my used pads. It worried me at the time. Also hygiene and being responsible. Another friend's dd just leaves her sanitary pads and wrappers in the bathroom bin which then overflows. I think it's important to teach the girls to wrap them properly and put them in an outside bin. No one else should have to look at menstruation products especially younger siblings. My friend doesn't see an issue with the overflowing bin but I think the girls need to learn hygiene and responsibility from day dot.

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    Just reading other posts and it reminded me of something- emergency plan if caught out- the old few pieces of toilet paper folded until you can get to supplies

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    The pp's have given some great advice. One thing that I never really understood (shamefully until I was in my late 20's) was exactly when you are fertile, I thought it was when you actually got AF! So it would be good to clearly explain that to her.

    I would definitely suggest that she download a period tracking app (if she has a phone), so that she's never caught unawares and will know when to expect AF and when she's ovulating. If she doesn't have a phone maybe tell her to mark it in a diary or calendar.

    Good luck!

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