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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    I haven't had a chance to talk to him about any of it as yet. He just came out of his room and hit me with it. I said "oh ok, you know GF is welcome to come to our lunch" he said theirs is lunch too and he went back to his room. Then he went out later on and hasn't come home yet. I do tend to agree with @ExcuseMyFrench that I still support him financially and with a roof over his head. If he is so much of an adult why doesn't he get a job to help support himself. I am not going to tell him I'm upset about it though because I do not want to lose him but will take on the advise of trying to find an alternative time with him.
    Good plan.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 04-12-2014 at 11:46.

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    It still hurts that he would chose another family over his own.
    But this is part of growing up. You grow up and get a partner and then another family is important to you too. Then once you have children YOUR family comes first and your parents and siblings come second. (yes even your mother)

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  4. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    My point is adults take responsibility and realise when they need to get off their backside and man up. He is a uni student not unemployed but I still think he needs a job instead of playing computer/card games all day and I've told him so. To me I will class him as an adult when he does. I can't help that I feel upset, I don't think that's petty and childish. I have stated I will accept his choice and not make a big deal of it. It still hurts that he would chose another family over his own. I'm certainly not punishing him or blackmailing him in any way and don't intend to.
    So if you think he should get a job on top of studying then ask him to do so separate to the xmas issues. He is an adult. He's 21 and he's bettering himself by studying. If you were unhappy with the set up, which is your prerogative, why not mention it to him? Otherwise it just comes across that you've now decided he isn't an adult bc you are angry with him for not doing what you want.

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  6. #84
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    I do feel for you but question:

    Did you have children so that you always had someone around at the holiday times and someone who would spend time with you no matter what? Or did you have children and nurture them and give them an awesome start to life so that you could be proud of the person they have become and watch them spread their wings?

    I am the gf. According to MIL I *made* DH move to oz from UK. She still asks him 'when are you coming home'. It really upsets him that his mum can't be pleased with how well he is doing and proud of the opportunities he has made for himself. I have supported myself financially since 18 and I also haven't lived with my mum since then. DH was still getting money from his parents at 22. That didn't change the fact that we started to share xmas as soon as we got together. Like I said earlier, we did xmas eve and then xmas day morning with my family, and xmas day eve for dinner and Boxing Day with his family. Maybe suggest this arrangement so you get to see him but it means they have to drive on xmas day.

    I wish you luck and I hope you can come to some sort of arrangement. Word of warning: do not say anything to him to the effect of his gf making him do it or mentioning the fact that he still lives with you/is being financially supported by you. That's pretty much the kiss of death to any kind of 'negotiation'.

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    Ok, I've said I will accept his choice. I will plan another time to spend with him and I will love his GF no matter what. We can stop now. Thank you to everyone who could put themselves in my place and realise I am hurting.

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  10. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    It still hurts that he would chose another family over his own.
    If this is a long term relationship then he is possibly seeing her family as an extension of his own. Plus also her as part of his family. He isn't choosing one over another - he's adding to the family he has. The fact that he is welcome at their house over xmas means they are seeing him as part of the family.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    Ok, I've said I will accept his choice. I will plan another time to spend with him and I will love his GF no matter what. We can stop now. Thank you to everyone who could put themselves in my place and realise I am hurting.
    Big hugs xx You can report a post and ask a mod to close the thread if you feel like you've gotten your answers.

    FWIW, I think you're taking others opinions and advice really well, considering that you are obviously really hurting over this.

    I hope you're able to sort something out with your DS xxx

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  14. #88
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    hugs wiseoldowl. I understand where you are coming from. this is a new situation for you, and you will know that it takes some time to adjust. Just be willing to accept the changes and you will not do any harm to your relationship with your son or with the girlfriend. I have a few stories about my mil with her attitude to Christmas but it would be way too boring to even begin. try to just go with the flow, every year can bring more changes. marie.

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  16. #89
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Crikey I can't quite believe the hard time that @WiseOldOwl is getting over this. I'll tell you what, if my child accounced two weeks out from Christmas that they will be spending the day elsewhere, and showed absolutely no regard for how I would feel about it, then I would be pretty sh**ty too. Yes no one wants to be *that* MIL but I don't think OPs son is being a bit of a little sh** really (sorry @WiseOldOld). Yes he's a young adult and yes he is entitled to spread his wings and spend Christmas day wherever he pleases but there are ways and means of going about things and I think his behaviour is downright poor tbh. Everyone is so busy jumping up and down telling OP she is being controlling but he can do as he damm well pleases and she has to just suck it up because he's 21? Please!

    Quote Originally Posted by siesmum View Post
    She is being unreasonable in not entertaining the idea of maybe starting a new special tradition with her and her son.
    That is the sucky thing about having kids. Our babies will one day grow up and leave the nest. You just need to work out how you handle it
    With all due respect, where is the new and special tradition that's being put in place here. As far as I can make out, it went like this *opens door* "BTW I won't be here for Christmas lunch Mum" *closes door**goes out*



    Quote Originally Posted by Goblin Queen View Post
    I hope he's not ditching you entirely for the Christmas season!
    This is what I was wondering too. @WiseOldOwl I totally understand if you don't want to reply any more to this thread but I hope he comes back and redeems himself when you get a chance to discuss it some more with him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    Ok, I've said I will accept his choice. I will plan another time to spend with him and I will love his GF no matter what. We can stop now. Thank you to everyone who could put themselves in my place and realise I am hurting.
    @WiseOldOwl I'd suggest reporting a post and getting a mod to close the thread (if that's what you want)

    Good luck with it all


 

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