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  1. #71
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    Seriously?
    You're sh*tty about it?
    That's a bit much don't you think?
    I'd be a bit upset but not sh*tty!
    I'd arrange something another day.
    A 21yr old doesn't really need a big family Christmas, they'd probably be more interested in having a fun time with a few drinks and chilling out, not tons of little kids and pretending Santa is real IYKWIM?

    Just a heads up though, my mil used to get sh*tty at dh for silly things like this even though we always went out of our way to organise an event with them too.
    We don't speak to her anymore (husbands choice) because her whiney and entitled attitude, and passive aggressiveness is too much to deal with, and not something we want our children exposed to.

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  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    As a mother of a DS 19 who is in the same situation this year i need to say this


    to all those who have said negative things, - just remember this... if you have a son now or in the future, this scenario will probably happen to you and you will hate it so allow us mums who are going through it this year to feel s**ty about the situation and perhaps offer us sympathy and friendship rather than tell us we are controlling etc etc...... maybe we dont want to sux it up , maybe we want our child no matter how old he is or who he is with, with us on the day, .. we are allowed to feel like we do .........
    Pretty much all of us have acknowledged how hard this must be and have couched honest answers in a nice way in response to her question. Of course you are allowed to feel sad. I will too when my kids and grown and only doing every second year with us. But kids grow to adulthood. You can't be angry at your son for becoming a man and getting his own family, and in turn another family from her side. That's what happens, you did the same.

    I get the angst. But hounding and brow beating your adult kids to do things your way is just going to drive them away. I have one parent that is over involved and frankly needs to get their own life outside of us. It's put a great strain on our relationship.
    Last edited by delirium; 04-12-2014 at 10:47.

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  5. #73
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    I can see why you're upset but that's just part of kids growing up and creating their own lives. Could you schedule a Christmas eve dinner in with them instead?

  6. #74
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    Yeah I think that's unreasonable.

    Maybe because I'm close to your Ds age but I went off and spent every Xmas with my bf and his family and my parents never said anything negative, it may have hurt them a little but they knew I'm an adult and wanted to do my own thing. We now have kids together so we have our own Christmas plans whilst trying to see both my parents and in laws.

    I know my MIL does Christmas Eve so I always make sure we attend. Maybe she doesn't realise how important it is to you? Do you see her often? Could you not arrange with them another time to all catch up?

    Please don't take this the wrong way but at least in my relationship, my partner is pretty unfazed by it all, if I said I'd like to have Christmas with my parents this year he would, not because I'm controlling him but because it doesn't bother him either way.

    Also I agree that 21 is that age where it becomes less about presents and the "magic" of Christmas and more about relaxing with a few drinks with friends/family.

    Before I started spending it with my in laws, I spent the day with my girlfriends drinking champagne and opening presents we all got each other! I do miss it!
    Last edited by DreamyMummy; 04-12-2014 at 11:02.

  7. #75
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    This is why in our family we make a real effort to include everyone. We do Christmas Eve lunch with my in laws (they're Swedish) and dinner with my parents, then we all go to Christmas Day at my nanas house. No one has to choose and that's great.

    I would strongly suggest starting a new tradition. I know you have opinions about what Xmas eve and Boxing Day are for but if you want to see him over Xmas, bend your ideas. Christmas Eve dinner is magical! We do the whole turkey and ham shebang.

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    Also maybe Christmas is just more important to her than him so he is happy to do what she wants? I love spending Chrissy with my family and I am ten times the Xmas enthusiast of DP so I know if I said we had to choose she would go with what I wanted.

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    I haven't had a chance to talk to him about any of it as yet. He just came out of his room and hit me with it. I said "oh ok, you know GF is welcome to come to our lunch" he said theirs is lunch too and he went back to his room. Then he went out later on and hasn't come home yet. I do tend to agree with @ExcuseMyFrench that I still support him financially and with a roof over his head. If he is so much of an adult why doesn't he get a job to help support himself. I am not going to tell him I'm upset about it though because I do not want to lose him but will take on the advise of trying to find an alternative time with him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    I do tend to agree with @ExcuseMyFrench that I still support him financially and with a roof over his head.
    With respect, so? I'm unsure how long he has been unemployed but the fact he is still at home with you says you are allowing it. I'm trying to say this in the nicest way..... you can't allow him to live there then throw it in his face as some kind of blackmail bc he isn't doing what you want him to. I understand you are hurt, I do. But you are coming across petty and childish.

    I hope you can calm down and accept this. If I'm honest the first year my kids aren't with me for xmas it's going to hurt a lot. But I'm not going to punish them for growing up and falling in love.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    I still support him financially and with a roof over his head. If he is so much of an adult why doesn't he get a job to help support himself.
    This comment just made my blood boil. You can't call his GF controlling and then think this. I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing my partner into a situation with this much resentment on Christmas either.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    With respect, so? I'm unsure how long he has been unemployed but the fact he is still at home with you says you are allowing it. I'm trying to say this in the nicest way..... you can't allow him to live there then throw it in his face as some kind of blackmail bc he isn't doing what you want him to. I understand you are hurt, I do. But you are coming across petty and childish.

    I hope you can calm down and accept this. If I'm honest the first year my kids aren't with me for xmas it's going to hurt a lot. But I'm not going to punish them for growing up and falling in love.
    My point is adults take responsibility and realise when they need to get off their backside and man up. He is a uni student not unemployed but I still think he needs a job instead of playing computer/card games all day and I've told him so. Everyone keeps saying he is an adult, well he certainly doesn't act like one. To me I will class him as an adult when he does. I can't help that I feel upset, I don't think that's petty and childish. I have stated I will accept his choice and not make a big deal of it. It still hurts that he would chose another family over his own. I'm certainly not punishing him or blackmailing him in any way and don't intend to.
    Last edited by WiseOldOwl; 04-12-2014 at 11:50.

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