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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    As a mother of a DS 19 who is in the same situation this year i need to say this


    to all those who have said negative things, - just remember this... if you have a son now or in the future, this scenario will probably happen to you and you will hate it so allow us mums who are going through it this year to feel s**ty about the situation and perhaps offer us sympathy and friendship rather than tell us we are controlling etc etc...... maybe we dont want to sux it up , maybe we want our child no matter how old he is or who he is with, with us on the day, .. we are allowed to feel like we do .........
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    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 04-12-2014 at 09:05.

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    maybe we dont want to sux it up , maybe we want our child no matter how old he is or who he is with, with us on the day, .. we are allowed to feel like we do .........

    If that's the case then really you are no different to the controlling gfs, your just not getting your way.

    No ones saying you cant be upset! Just that it's his choice.

    As a child with 4 families to visit on Christmas day, i always had pressure to make everyone else happy and travel around all day. I could never relax. Why should my day be ruined to suit people who cant bend one bit to accommodate how i want to spend my day? As an adult, thats how you feel. If you cant have your sons visit any other time over the holiday period then that reeks of guilt tripping and manipulation.

    As someone said, you were a gf once!

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  5. #63
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    Wiseoldowl just wanted to say I can see exactly where you are coming from and I'm not even close to having to deal with this myself

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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    As a mother of a DS 19 who is in the same situation this year i need to say this


    to all those who have said negative things, - just remember this... if you have a son now or in the future, this scenario will probably happen to you and you will hate it so allow us mums who are going through it this year to feel s**ty about the situation and perhaps offer us sympathy and friendship rather than tell us we are controlling etc etc...... maybe we dont want to sux it up , maybe we want our child no matter how old he is or who he is with, with us on the day, .. we are allowed to feel like we do .........
    In the defense of most people that replied to this thread, @WiseOldOwl didn't just post to have a vent, she asked if she was being unreasonable. No one is saying that she, or you, shouldn't feel this way but that it's important to act on those feelings in a way that won't **** off your ds and dil. You can react in a way that will have you come across as controlling or you can act in a way that will he accommodating and understanding of your son's wishes now that he's an adult.

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  9. #65
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    @WiseOldOwl I think you you already knew what was what but just need some support and conformation that you did need to get through your own feelings.
    It is bloody tough but you know with in yourself what you need to do to keep a healthy relationship with your adult child.
    Big hugs.

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    @WiseOldOwl, I might've missed it but have you asked him to see him some other time around Christmas? I hope he's not ditching you entirely for the Christmas season!

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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    My 21yr old DS (my only bio child) informed me tonight that he will be having Christmas with his girlfriend's family and not our extended family. I am a bit sh**ty about it. Last year they had lunch with their own families and then met up after with a friends get together on Boxing Day. I told him that she is welcome to join us but they are both lunches so obviously they can't be in 2 places at the same time.So before I tell him I'm not happy just wanted to know if I'm being a cow about it?
    **Havent read any replies**

    For the past 4 years i have been that girlf. You know the one were the MIL gets poopy because ive come along and now her son doesnt do what theyve always done on Christmas anymore. To the point where My MIL is waiting for my grandmother to pass as she thinks we do lunch with my family only because grandma is sick.

    My DP and I see his family for breakfast then my family for lunch whereas before me DP would see his mums family on xmas day and his dads family on boxing day. She is ****ed at the fact he has chosen to change their tradition by spending lunch with my family.

    I understand where you are coming from i do but he is an adult. Instead of telling him your not happy invite them over for dinner or breakfast instead.

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  15. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    As a mother of a DS 19 who is in the same situation this year i need to say this


    to all those who have said negative things, - just remember this... if you have a son now or in the future, this scenario will probably happen to you and you will hate it so allow us mums who are going through it this year to feel s**ty about the situation and perhaps offer us sympathy and friendship rather than tell us we are controlling etc etc...... maybe we dont want to sux it up , maybe we want our child no matter how old he is or who he is with, with us on the day, .. we are allowed to feel like we do .........
    I deleted my last post because my feelings are so raw and your post made me see red.

    Yes it is to hard to have your kids grow up and realize they they have their own lives to live and make their own choices. It best to accept that is the way. He has his own family now. He needs to put them before you.

    As you not wanting to sux it up. If you want to ruin what relationship you do have with your son and his family than go ahead. It will be your loss.

    If I was you I would be bending over backwards to met his needs. Weather that be asking them to dinner on christmas or celebrate Christmas eve or boxing day...

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  17. #69
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    I'd ask your son if they're able to make Christmas eve dinner or Christmas day breaky or dinner.
    We do Christmas eve dinner for my side and Christmas day dinner for DHs side and we used to do Christmas breaky with friends but not now. My mum was sad she didn't see us Christmas day but understood why. I'd host Christmas eve and it was awesome. I went all out and everyone really enjoyed it. My sil is doing it this year, im a bit miffed but hey give them a chance

  18. #70
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    I would just like to take this moment to say, that a LOT of women on here complain about their Mothers-In-Law. And now here we have a thread, started by a Mother, about her Son and his "controlling girlfriend". Please, don't become the Mother/MIL that so many here don't like.

    Your son is an adult. I understand it is upsetting to you that this will be the first Christmas lunch without him. But it was bound to happen. It was always going to happen at some point. He was going to grow up, meet a partner, and want to spend Christmas with them.

    Don't be s****y at him. Don't resent her. Don't guilt either of them. Just be happy that he has found someone he likes and feels important enough to want to spend the holidays with. He will always be your baby, but he's also a man

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