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  1. #91
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    I'm online @WiseOldOwl just in case you want a Mod's help.

    I feel that a lot of the responses have been overly harsh and people have projected a lot of their own MIL issues onto you. Sheesh, you haven't even had a discussion about it with him yet!

    I think being hurt and a little miffed is perfectly understandable. You seem like a reasonable person, I'm sure you'll handle the situation well and perhaps come up with a compromise that enables you to spend some quality time with him to compensate for his absence (I think Xmas Eve dinner would be lovely).

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  3. #92
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Oh and BTW @WiseOldOwl in case you weren't aware, there are certain people - more than one - participating here who are very predictable in threads like this. Without fail, as soon as I see some names pop up I think "oh here we go..." and she/they rarely let me down. The OP asks if they are being unreasonable in a situation with Person X and without fail the reply comes that Person X is faultless and the OP is wayyyy out of line needs to do some serious self-examination to correct the errors in their ways. It would be yawn-making if it weren't so upsetting for the OP,

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  5. #93
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    I know this is a bit different but this is my first xmas day without my son (5), it's his fathers first day off work on xmas day, so I couldnt say no. I do feel a little sad that he isnt going to be at our place opening his presents up in the morning, but his dad hasnt had that since he was 2, so it's only fair.

    Last year my parents separated & are now divorced, this is my first year not having xmas lunch with my whole family (apart from my sister who has had xmas lunch with her DH's family the past 4-5 years?). So its kind of a double blow for me. We are going to spend the day with DF's family, which turns out are just going out for lunch, which is nice, but doesnt feel very christmessy.

    My parents & sisters have decided to start a new family tradition seeing as we all can't be there on mas day, we decided to do an xmas eve dinner, look at lights, open presents etc, so we all get a chance to catch up. Maybe your family could do something similar? Or do dinner/dessert at your place xmas day?

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  7. #94
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    This thread has just confirmed that I want my son to stay 6 forever.

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  9. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothel View Post
    Oh and BTW @WiseOldOwl in case you weren't aware, there are certain people - more than one - participating here who are very predictable in threads like this. Without fail, as soon as I see some names pop up I think "oh here we go..." and she/they rarely let me down. The OP asks if they are being unreasonable in a situation with Person X and without fail the reply comes that Person X is faultless and the OP is wayyyy out of line needs to do some serious self-examination to correct the errors in their ways. It would be yawn-making if it weren't so upsetting for the OP,
    You're over thinking things. With so many people saying the OP is being unreasonable... Perhaps the OP is being unreasonable.

    I really think with threads like this people need to grow up and not ask the question if they aren't prepared to hear honest answers. If all someone wants is a pick me up thread then the best way to ensure that (as opposed to honest feedback) is to title the thread a vent thread and to not engage unwanted criticism by holding off on snide comments against person X.

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  11. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by WiseOldOwl View Post
    I haven't had a chance to talk to him about any of it as yet. He just came out of his room and hit me with it. I said "oh ok, you know GF is welcome to come to our lunch" he said theirs is lunch too and he went back to his room. Then he went out later on and hasn't come home yet. I do tend to agree with @ExcuseMyFrench that I still support him financially and with a roof over his head. If he is so much of an adult why doesn't he get a job to help support himself. I am not going to tell him I'm upset about it though because I do not want to lose him but will take on the advise of trying to find an alternative time with him.
    He's like "hey, I see Mum every day, what makes Christmas so different?". My DH is like this with his family. He works with his Dad and step-mum and we rarely see them except for Easter and Christmas, though that has increased this year since we've had DS. His Dad would love to catch up with him frequently, go play a round of golf, have a drink together, etc. but in DH's mind, he sees them all the time at work so why does he need to catch up outside of work? It's total man thinking!

    From the sounds of it, though, it might be time to give your son a gentle nudge in the "moving on with life" direction. Is he studying? Or just living in your home rent free and not working? I completely agree that he is not acting like an adult in that aspect but he does still get to make his own choices about who he dates and what he does for Christmas even if those choices are hurtful to you.

    I think you've got your answer, though, you've decided not to say anything but hopefully you can organise some other time Christmas Day to catch up. Considering all you do for him year round, I reckon it's the least he could do!

  12. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naboo View Post
    This thread has just confirmed that I want my son to stay 6 forever.
    This! I said to my 10 month old today "don't ever get a girlfriend and not have Christmas with me! Always have Christmas with mummy!". I can live in hope, right?

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  14. #98
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    This thread was somewhat frustrating to read.

    OP, you have every right to be sad about this. Your feelings are valid.

    However, it is unreasonable to think of guilt tripping him or telling him you're upset. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, but I do know what it's like to have overbearing, overprotective parents. If you be that mum, he will resent you for it. I'm speaking from experience. My relationship with my parents is virtually non-existent. I visit them because I have to, not because I want to. I know that's an awful thing to say, but it's how things turned out. You need to let him make his own choices. He's over 18, he's an adult, no matter what the circumstances are. If you think he's still a "child" just because you make the choice to support him, you need a wake up call.

    My parents not only tainted my relationship with them, they also did the same to my brother. He and my SIL went to New York for work and they were there for 2 years. It was always going to be temporary. You cannot imagine the stink my parents kicked about it. And my brother is in his thirties. They blame my SIL for it, call her "controlling" because they can't accept that my brother made his own choice. They done some other annoying things as well. Even when my then-29 year old oldest brother wanted to move out of home and buy his own house, they tried to convince him to stay. 29 YEARS OLD.

    Anyway...it's one day...I know it's Christmas and it's important to you, but you need to decide if it's more important than keeping your relationship with him in tact. Ask to alternate. That's fair for everyone involved. Don't be my parents. You will regret it.
    Last edited by hopeful1986; 04-12-2014 at 13:20.

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  16. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothel View Post
    Oh and BTW @WiseOldOwl in case you weren't aware, there are certain people - more than one - participating here who are very predictable in threads like this. Without fail, as soon as I see some names pop up I think "oh here we go..." and she/they rarely let me down. The OP asks if they are being unreasonable in a situation with Person X and without fail the reply comes that Person X is faultless and the OP is wayyyy out of line needs to do some serious self-examination to correct the errors in their ways. It would be yawn-making if it weren't so upsetting for the OP,
    Maybe those people just have a different personality to you? It doesnt mean they automatically seek out threads like this to crucify the OP or person X! I thought most people were honest and thoughtful in answering the OPs question.

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    Closed per the OP's request.

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