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  1. #1
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    Default How do you keep that spark with your hubby?

    I feel like a bad wife! and I feel that my hubby and i have lost that spark, we seem to always snap at each other and get on each others nerves, definitely no bedroom action in months - my 8 month old still wakes 2-3 times a night and my 4 year old is knackering! I feel that we don't make any effort anymore for each other, I'm usually always in my trackies with no make up! He is an amazing father but i just don't desire him anymore? Does that make sense? Anyone else out there feeling the same? What can i do?

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    It's so hard when you're sleep deprived!

    For us, we do the full-body-touching hug when DH comes home from work. Eye contact and kissing good-bye and hello. Time out together listening to music, having a glass of wine or just chatting - sometimes just for 20 minutes. Cuddling (albeit briefly) in bed before we fall asleep. It all helps us keep connected.

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    Make the decision to work on it.

    Like everything in life if it important you need to put some work into it.

    You could start of small and just start randomly place little love notes. They don't have to be soppy or mushy. You could make them funny like put a jar of space in his undies drawer with a note that your spicing up his life or a spark plug in his sock drawer tell him you put the spark back in your love life.

    Start having some one on one time. Write down a time and place on the calendar. Go on a date or have a special candlelit dinner after the kids have gone to bed.

    Start sending him random texts

    Make his favorite meal.

    Most importantly start to talk to him about this and everything else. Communication is the key.

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    For me, if I start to feel distant from DH, I initiate se.x- even if I don't particularly feel like it because I know that once we get started it will make us both feel good about each other and ourselves. Little things every day - sounds silly but I give DH's butt a little squeeze pretty much every time he walks past me, always have. We have joked that if I ever stop squeezing his bum, there is something wrong with our relationship. We say I love you every day, several times. We kiss hello and goodbye. If we aren't too tired we watch a tv show together after the kids are in bed. Wherever possible we carve out a little us time.

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    Subbing I may need these tips soon

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    It's a constant struggle. We've gone longer without s3x since having DS than ever before. I focus on having cuddles and just "us" time even if it's not s3x to keep that connection there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CakeyMumma View Post
    For me, if I start to feel distant from DH, I initiate se.x- even if I don't particularly feel like it because I know that once we get started it will make us both feel good about each other and ourselves. Little things every day - sounds silly but I give DH's butt a little squeeze pretty much every time he walks past me, always have. We have joked that if I ever stop squeezing his bum, there is something wrong with our relationship. We say I love you every day, several times. We kiss hello and goodbye. If we aren't too tired we watch a tv show together after the kids are in bed. Wherever possible we carve out a little us time.
    Yep, exactly this. I initiate s3x even though I cannot be bothered with a 5 yr old, nearly 2 yr old & 4 mth old. Once I get started I'm into it & glad we did it.

    I think everyone needs to feel desired within their relationship and I know DH gets down when it's been a while. I think a lot of men can't help but take it personally when their partner rejects them or never initiates intimacy.

    For us, physical intimacy restores our emotional intimacy.

  9. #8
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    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goblin Queen View Post
    It's a constant struggle. We've gone longer without s3x since having DS than ever before. I focus on having cuddles and just "us" time even if it's not s3x to keep that connection there.
    Agree totally exactly. We cuddle even if we can't do it.

    Not that it's a good thing but getting pregnant really makes our spark come
    Back. We remember how life is about us making a family together not all the other stresses

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    I am in the same boat.
    Constantly yelling at each other about nothing.
    DH is also a great father, but I don't desire him at all now days. It's been 8 months since out last DTD.
    He still makes great effort, but I feel very uncomfortable about being affectionate.

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    I can totally relate. I also have an almost 8 month old plus 3 older kids and at the end of the day I'm exhausted. Sex is the last thing on my mind. We made a deal that we'd have sex at least one day ( or night) over the weekends because the older kids stay at their dad's. We try and spend a lot of time together. This weekend we're staying at his parents holiday house, we still have the baby though. I sometimes feel bad if I'm not in the mood though dp wants sex all the time which can be annoying. My baby isn't well lately either so he's been up every few hours ( usually he sleeps from 11pm to 7/8am).


 

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