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  1. #31
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    I think people who struggle with losing weight will be successful when they have made up their mind to do it and not because someone else told them to. For example if I was eating junk food and dh said "I don't think you should be eating that and you need to lose some weight " that woukd be counterproductive and make me want to eat it more. If however I said to DH "omg I have put on so much weight I need to lose it" and he was supportive and said "I love you doesn't matter your weight but if you want to lose some then let's not have temptation in the house and let's go for a walk and eat out less etc" that woukd be so much more helpful. I think people know when they are overweight and what they need to do. They may get help eg from dietitian, trainer etc but what they don't need is someone saying "you need to lose X amount of weight " unless there is a health reason.

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  3. #32
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    I would never tell hubby her has to lose weight and he would never tell me I have to. I think it's hurtful and I also think that being 'told' to lose weight would not make me motivated at all! We have had discussions about the weight we want to be and we are currently losing weight together but we would never tell each other it had to be done.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jontu View Post
    I think people who struggle with losing weight will be successful when they have made up their mind to do it and not because someone else told them to. For example if I was eating junk food and dh said "I don't think you should be eating that and you need to lose some weight " that woukd be counterproductive and make me want to eat it more. If however I said to DH "omg I have put on so much weight I need to lose it" and he was supportive and said "I love you doesn't matter your weight but if you want to lose some then let's not have temptation in the house and let's go for a walk and eat out less etc" that woukd be so much more helpful. I think people know when they are overweight and what they need to do. They may get help eg from dietitian, trainer etc but what they don't need is someone saying "you need to lose X amount of weight " unless there is a health reason.
    Exactly this!

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    I think you can tell someone to lose weight all you want but for real change to happen they need a strong motivation.
    DH was "bigger" when we met and has a terrible family history of diabetes, heart disease, depression & stroke. So he has always known he needs to keep his weight under control, but it took photos from a holiday we went on to motivate change. We both lost a substantial amount of weight together.
    Now 3 years later we tell each other if things are getting out of hand again, we are currently watching what we eat so I can lose my last 3kg of baby weight & he can lose a few kg that have crept on. I know DH is a lot happier & more confident 30kg down and able to run 10km.
    So yes I think it's ok to encourage and support your partner to lose weight, but insisting they stay under a certain weight? I think that's going a bit too far!

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    OP do you think there might be a medical reason this woman's husband needs to stay under a certain weight? Or job related? I know truck drivers have to be under a certain weight?

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    I should add that neither DH or I expect each other to maintain a certain weight. I don't even know what DH weighs, and I weigh 9kg more than I did when we first met (but wear the same size clothes, it's just muscle gain from being non-fit to fit). I think forcing someone to maintain a certain weight has the potential to be rather dangerous.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rosey82 View Post
    OP do you think there might be a medical reason this woman's husband needs to stay under a certain weight? Or job related? I know truck drivers have to be under a certain weight?
    I don't *think* there is. It is well known in our office that his wife has told him she will divorce him if he reaches a certain weight!

    I think she just wants him to stay trimmer because she prefers him that way. She is tall and slim herself, so maybe she figures he needs to maintain his weight too?

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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    I have told my dh he needs to lose weight, but sensitively and with love, not in a b!tchy way. He is always going to be a bigger guy, and i absolutely love him for who he is & i know he will never be 'thin' - nor do i care or want that for him. I want him to be healthy. He is 150kg at the moment, and i am scared that he will leave me a widow and single mother at 35 because of health problems due to being so overweight. He is a very active guy by nature, but stuggles to do what he wants at his current weight. He has a big build, but he looks & feels a lot healthier at around 40kg lighter than he is now. I find it hard to know how to support him to lose weight, without him feeling hurt.
    I think in a scenario like this you need to weigh up (ba doom tish!) which is more important - not being widowed at 35 or hurting your husband's feelings. Where there are very real and scary (and often costly) health issues involved that could affect the whole family's wellbeing, well I personally would put hurt feelings second, tbh.

    In the OP's case where it sounds like he's fit and healthy, unless there's something more to the story, then I think that is incredibly rude of her and he should tell her to eff off. I've had many friends with eating disorders, and have come dangerously close to one myself a couple of times, and I'm hypersensitive to how easily they can be triggered. (This clearly isn't me right now as I'm considering M&Ms for breakfast!)

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    When I was with FOB, then yes. Only after all the supportive ways had been reached did I ever tell him he needs to lose weight. Both his and my family have a long history of type 2 diabetes which is directly linked to our weight and what we eat, or I insist he models good habits for our DD because she's going to be prone to it her whole life and it's something I severely struggled with getting into due to not having it model led.
    If there wasn't the risk of diabetes, I'd just continue on with the gently approach because most of my family are morbidly obese and I know the other health risks and issues that go along with this (I.E. FOB knees are buggered and they hurt more if he gains too much weight.)
    Would I tell him he needs to lose weight and stay under a certain amount just for my benefit? No. Though I was always honest with him as he knows my appreciation for Spartanish physic. But then he never expected me to look like Angelina Jolie either so hey.

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    Yes, if DH gained weight and become overweight or obese I would talk to him about it and expect that he address it, same would go for me. It would be because of both health and sexual attraction.


 

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