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  1. #1
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    Default Spin off: What makes for a good MIL?

    Do you have a lovely MIL? What makes her so lovely?

    What do you think you would do in X years times when your son finds a girlfriend / wife to be a good MIL?

    Also genuinely interested to know if those with a good relationship with their MIL may not have a good relationship with their own mum?

  2. #2
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    I've had a bad past with my Mum, and I keep my distance from her as much as is polite. That's because of alcoholism though, I don't think it impacts on my relationship with my MIL.

    My MIL is great. She is very caring (but let's people walk all over her), she doesn't interfere, she respects my 'rules' raising my son to the extent that she will ask how I do things in case she might step on my toes - and we do things very differently so it must be hard for her. She messages me to ask how I'm doing. She was very welcoming when I started dating DH. She can be a bit annoying at times but really nothing worth complaining about.

    I think any MIL that shows respect for you makes a good MIL. Your son isn't your 'property' and a DIL is part of a a partnership with your son and if any MIL can't nurture the relationship then the bond with both son and DIL can be strained. Luckily I've never experienced that. It helps that DH and my MIL have a good relationship and she doesn't feel insecure that she might 'lose' him to me.

    I usually make a conscious effort to make her feel included with my son as well - I send her photos all the time showing what he is up to and leave her to play with him or babysit him without interfering.

  3. #3
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    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    My MIL would genuinely do anything for her kids, grandkids and probably us in laws too!

    Puts family first. Will take a day off to care for DS if something important is on.

    Has us over for tea as often as we like.

    Will give advice and opinions - but only if asked.

    Has never made me feel not good enough for her DS, unlike previous almost MILs I've had!

    Has offered to make my wedding dress like she did for her own daughters because I don't have a mum to do it.

  4. #4
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    I think my mum is an excellent MIL to my hubby: she respects him as our son's dad, treats him like family (and has done from the start), and genuinely cares for him. If he says something should be done a particular way with ds, then she will do that.

  5. #5
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    I am a MIL but I think im doing ok. I love my sons inlaw, and my daughter inlaw. is wonderful. I will give my opinions on things to my children, but not ever insist on anything. I think there is a good level of trust and understanding, and I also get along very well with two out of the three parents in law. unfortunately one of my daughters married a lovely man with a crazy mother, so that is the only negative. I just don't talk with her, and she lives in another city so I never have to see her. marie.

  6. #6
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    My MiL is wonderful. Caring and inclusive. She respects me as a person and a parent and never steps on my toes. Apparently DH's ex was a real piece of work so that may contribute to why she likes me haha! I have a reasonably good relationship with my mum too so I don't think close to MiL equals not close to mum.

  7. #7
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    Distance. As much as possible.

  8. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Raising Leprechauns For This Useful Post:

    BettyV  (26-11-2014),DizzyDaisy  (27-11-2014),JR03  (26-11-2014),Lillaa  (26-11-2014)

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raising Leprechauns View Post
    Distance. As much as possible.
    Hahaha yes distance definitely makes things a little easier!

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to CJ81 For This Useful Post:

    Raising Leprechauns  (26-11-2014)

  11. #9
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    I "HAD" the best mil EVER with my EXdh (I mean no disrespect to my current DH I feel bad saying all this) but she was just so beautiful. She was never over the top. She never interfered. She made me feel so comfortable. She made me feel like part of the family. She would call to talk but not to stalk. She would call me over for lunch and dinner but would make it the one set day a week not a smothering 4 days a week. She didn't side with arguments. She didn't tell me how to do things. She supported me through everything. She was that supportive she even supported ME when I left her son. She never held a grudge. She treated me like a sister/friend. She confided in me and made me feel like I could confide in her. She was the best cook in the world so always taught me her secrets and always made sure my favourites were cooked when I was over. She loved doing things for me. When she sees me she cries so I stopped all contact a long time ago. She was my friend. I hope I can be like her one day if I ever have a son. Some Mil's make things very difficult for themselves. I hope I am not this person. In saying that if my son was with someone I loathed I am just not sure how I would cope, act or turn out so I guess i won't know until it happens.

    I miss you exmil I wish I knew how she was❤️

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to LoCo For This Useful Post:

    misho  (26-11-2014)

  13. #10
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    I have the best inlaws. My mil is wonderful. They have taken on my 2 older kids as their own grandkids, they treat me with respect and an equal, they are not suffocating, they offer help in practical ways. i love my inlaws


 

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