I love love love that you didn't apologise!!!
My FIL recently announced the birth of our DS2 (our second, and final, child) on Facebook, before we'd had a chance to let some family/friends know ourselves. The post was all self-congratulatory, about what a great grandfather he was.
This comes from a man who saw DS1 when he had just been born (barged in when we'd specifically asked family to give us a week or two to recover and bond before they came to stay), but then didn't see DS1 again until he was almost 2 (and then, only because we took DS1 over east to visit other family). He and MIL apparently couldn't afford the cost or time to visit us in the west n the interim period, despite being retired and taking a couple of overseas and numerous domestic holidays/trips in the same period.
Needless to say, DH tersely told FIL to pull the FB post down NOW and let us announce our own son's arrival.He did so, but we never got an apology or even an acknowledgement that it had been a thoughtless and inappropriate act.
FIL and MIL are currently travelling Australia and are too busy to come and see DS2 in person- they're happy to wait until a family wedding over east when he'll be a few months old. Meanwhile, they CAN spare the time and money to break their trip to pop back home to spend time with adult SIL (who lives overseas) when she visits soon, despite having seen her a year ago, and despite her also planning to attend the wedding.
There's many more instances of my DS1 (and presumably now also DS2) missing out or being overlooked by them in favour of their other two grandchildren. (And it's not all in my head- another SIL has noticed and commented on it). I dread the day when my boys are old enough to realise what's happening and take it to heart!
Last edited by Gentoo; 11-09-2015 at 01:54.
Is it bad that I'm happy for my FIL not to be in our lives (and not seeing MIL much)? Is that selfish on my part? It's by his choice as he refuses to apologize or try to fix the problems he started. He hasn't seen ds1 in over a year. He expected us to bring ds1 over to their place on christmas day while planning to ignore us the whole time. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong which infuriates me even more.
The thing is he's an alcoholic and he smokes lots of Marijuana, which has clearly made him paranoid. He's so self centered too. I don't want that around my kids.
Having ds2 in a week and a bit. My dad passed away almost 2 weeks ago. FIL decided to speak to dh for 2 mins last week when MIL called hubby to offer condolences (not to me but to hubby, is fine i don't want to talk to them anyway). I instantly got defensive saying i knew he'd try to weasle his way back in with the new bub. Hubby assures me it's not going to happen until FIL is mature enough to sit down and try to sort things out. Thing is i don't want to. Our relationship has been 100x better not having to deal with his dad and only seeing his mum every month or 2. They stress me out, they don't respect me, they ignore me when it comes to my son. That is not ok with me. They live 10 mins away and make zero effort. It is always hubby contacting his mum to see if she wants to catch up. She changed her number and didn't even tell us. Hubby had to call her work to find out if she was ok as her old number wasn't working. Turns out she'd had that new number for 2 weeks already. Wtf. I understand she's his mum but i hate seeing him hurt and disappointed by their behaviour time and time again.
My post isn't '**** my MIL says' but rather doesn't say. My MIL has shown zero interest in my pregnancy, never asks how I'm doing, how the baby is going etc. Nothing. It upsets me that strangers show more interest than the babies own grandmother!
Been bottling this up for a while, but H found out last night and all hell has broken loose.
We shared our pregnancy news with inlaws at 11 weeks. They were super excited and congratulatory. Awesome.
Later, MIL is chatting to me about past stuff (she does it every now and then, no biggie) and starts chatting about how they (PILs) gave H 10K and a holiday the first time he got married, 10K the second, and that they gave us 1K because they were upset with how we handled it.
I asked her to explain (now I don't care that they "only gave us 1K", I was just happy they were there on the day).
Apparently us telling them we are getting married a month before we got married is "selfish".
I reminded her that the day we told them we were getting married was the day we decided to get married. She said "I know but still".
I replied, "but still what? How could we have told you before then when we didn't know ourselves? How on earth is that selfish?"
She just kept repeating how much hurt it caused them, etc etc.
I stood up, said "You didn't have to come," and told H and the kids we were leaving.
Last night H was bugging me, again, about what happened, so I told him. He flipped, called his mother and told her we would not see them this weekend, as he was very angry and needed to calm down.
I got a text from BIL saying, "Everything ok? Mum has gone nuts and says you won't let her see the kids?"
I replied that I didn't say anything of the sort, and to please call H.
BIL is on our side and is also not going there this weekend (we all go once a fortnight on a Sunday for family time).
Not what I wanted. I know MIL just gets things stuck in her head and has to get them out, but she doesn't see the other side when it happens. And this was just a step too out there. On the day we told her we were expecting too!
... thankfully the kids have their school fete Sunday, so we will just hang around and say its too difficult to go to grandma's after- not untrue.
After DD was born though I would've killed to go back to her disinterest, she became totally over involved and kept acting like DD was hers.
Gracie's Mum (13-09-2015)
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