Hi there, I'm about to vent because I have no-one else to talk to about this.
Hubby and I have been having issues for quite some time now, we have been married for 12 years and have a 10yo DD and 6yo DS who are my world (and probably part of DH'S problem, sadly enough). He feels like the kids have taken me away from him and that I have no time for him anymore. He feels like he works hard and we don't appreciate him. His dad was treated like a king by his mum, still is, and whatever he says goes. He did nothing for DH, didn't go to any of his sporting events, and treated him very poorly. So DH never had a good role model to look up to and finds it hard being a dad sometimes I think. I, on the other hand, had the best dad in the world and find DH really hard to relate to with regards to our children. He can be quite negative towards them, acts like they're the biggest pain in he **** at times (mainly when he's angry at me cause he knows that talking to them like that really sh!ts me), and just not as loving & nurturing as I believe a parent should be. We are rarely intimate these days, and TBH he bores me (he's more than happy to sit at home every weekend and catch up on motor sport or rugby instead of suggesting family outings, and I want to enjoy my kids while they're young).
So basically I need to make a decision, one which really scares me because I don't know how I will cope financially without him. He is from NZ and has expressed his desire to return if we should split up. He also said that he thinks it would be too hard just seeing the kids for a weekend here and there (because it will cost a fortune to fly them over there and TBH I don't want them going to another country) and that he would just walk away, leave me with everything, and I mean everything. This would be a very peaceful solution for me and although my kids would probably cope ok without him (he's not very involved in their lives anyway) they would inevitably miss him, and I don't want them feeling like he has abandoned them. Also, if things got nasty would he have the kids for a week or so (in NZ) and not send them back. This scares me more than anything! What can I do to prevent that happening.
I guess my questions are how will I cope financially without him, do Centrelink pay single mums reasonably well (I do work 3 days a week atm) ... can I work something out so that he can't take them to NZ and not send them back?? After any advice from anyone because I have some tough decisions to make, and probably need to make them sooner rather than later. I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life, waiting for these same old dilemas to resurface every few months. I want to be happy, and I want my kids to be happy, and ultimately I want DH to be happy too because atm we aren't so something has to be done about that!
Thanks for listening, good to get that off my chest