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  1. #21
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    Apologies for double posting. My browser always frocks itself and won't let me continue a post.

    As for what I'd expect, I'd expect to not have a second child. We have a washing basket in front of our machine everyone's clothes go into. I'd expect if he walks past it and it's full to toss it (minus housemates work socks) into the washing machine and turn it on.
    I'd expect he cooks dinner what I ask (I'm very possessive of my kitchen).
    I'd expect him to vacuum at least twice a week. And mop once a week.
    I'd expect him to tidy up after himself, wipe down benches, clean the bathroom once a week.
    I'd also expect a financial contribution.
    Last edited by Jennaisme; 21-11-2014 at 09:04.

  2. #22
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    I agree with PP it would be less expensive to hire a nanny or babysitter than having your dad there bill-free, rent-free, responsibility-free and it seems common courtesy-free as well! I know what it's like working shifts and having 100% of the house work to do..exhausting. My brain doesn't function properly and the goal is just to make it through the day and get to the next sleep. I'm going to be blunt, your dad sounds like a user, taker and a deeply troubled man, who I would think twice about having a relationship with at all let alone living with !! You need to set some boundaries and honestly you'll be so much happier without this stress. If you work in the health industry there is free counselling available, you can talk to them about anything - you could utilise this to address the home issues and the bullying at work? Hugs and good luck.

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    He is a grown man. Start kicking his **** into gear or kick him out. I know you said he would be homeless but at 54 that is his choice. He can't bum off his daughter for the rest of his life. It's his job as your father to make sure you are ok, he is still capable of helping around the house so he needs to or find somewhere else to live. Stand up for him and make him do his fair share. You wouldn't let a bf do that, so why make the exception for a 54 year old man?

  4. #24
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    I'm going to against the grain here - since you've asked me what I would expect personally? If it was my mother I would expect nothing because she raised me and provided for me and made many sacrifices to give me the best life possible. I guess my only 'expectation' would be that she worked hard to support me in raising DS ie build a strong relationship with him and back me up with him. That's in my life, and I'll admit I'm saying this knowing full well she wouldn't *do* nothing, iykwim.

    Having said that, if our relationship wasn't strong or I became unhappy with the way things were, I would expect her to be open to discussing changes and finding a way where we could all live in harmony. If she was unwilling to change I would seriously reconsider the living situation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    I'm going to against the grain here - since you've asked me what I would expect personally? If it was my mother I would expect nothing because she raised me and provided for me and made many sacrifices to give me the best life possible. I guess my only 'expectation' would be that she worked hard to support me in raising DS ie build a strong relationship with him and back me up with him. That's in my life, and I'll admit I'm saying this knowing full well she wouldn't *do* nothing, iykwim.

    Having said that, if our relationship wasn't strong or I became unhappy with the way things were, I would expect her to be open to discussing changes and finding a way where we could all live in harmony. If she was unwilling to change I would seriously reconsider the living situation.
    I agree with you harvs but the last paragraph you wrote is the problem she is having, I believe. My understanding is he is not open to discussing changes or finding ways to be harmonious and it's starting to cause big issues and she is becoming increasingly unhappy and resentful of him.

    It's a hard one. "You" want to show love and appreciation for being clothed, fed and housed as a child as an adult but it's hard to do if the parent is being challenging. On the other hand, he isn't a 4 year old. She isn't his mother. But then again maybe he doesn't know any other way of communicating. Either way I get the feeling things have got to come to a head very soon.

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    Hun he is running you into the ground.
    You have worked way too hard building up a life for you and kiddo to let someone (even your dad) ruin it.

    Can you look into hosting an au pair maybe? From what I know they work for you for approx $200 a week providing 32hrs of childcare and help with home duties (cleaning & dinner prep)

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    I would kick him out. He is treating you like crap and you deserve better.
    Can you have an au pair move in? They aren't too expensive and would probably be cheaper and less stress than your dad sponging off you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lincolns mummy View Post
    I would kick him out. He is treating you like crap and you deserve better.
    Can you have an au pair move in? They aren't too expensive and would probably be cheaper and less stress than your dad sponging off you.
    I agree with the au pair. It $150 a week roughly, and that gives you 50 hours of childcare and the housework/cooking gets done. All you need to to provide is a separate private bedroom (shared bathroom is fine), I looked into it for us but with major renos there's no room.

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    Hoping his gf takes him when my boyfriend moves up so we have some space and i can work out what to do with school etc when bf is up.

    Dad was nice as pie to me today. He still didnt do any house work though but did ask if i was working tonight coz he had plans he was gonna cancel if i was working.

    Have someone else living with us atm but wont be for much longer though and she does help out a fair bit. She helps with kiddo a lot too(sometimes he wants her to put him to bed or she will take him out for a swim or something and cook dinner if i am desperate for a sleep and she is home at the time).

    Work is absolutely killing me atm with just doing the split morning then onto night shift with very little sleep. Nothing has been done about the bullying yet and i wish something would be done asap but dont look hopeful.

    I want dad to understand how much i do for him. He is extremely priviliged to live here rent free and all his meals provided etc. If he whinges he needs petrol money to take kiddo to school, i will give him $20 so he can get to school.

    If dad goes in the next 6mths, might seriously consider an aupair pending what sort of job my bf can get up here coz we will be able to afford it and would be a huge help too.


 

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