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  1. #11
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    He's got 50/50 custody of the first two. Alternating sat/sun to wed.
    I know I don't want what kind of life for my kid.

  2. #12
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    Honestly I'd pretend you went thru with a termination (but didn't) and get far far away from him. he wouldn't even have to know about the baby.

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  4. #13
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    So he wants you to terminate but clearly will file for 50/50 for no other reason but malice? Wow you have a catch right there

    My advice? I'd be disappearing and putting father unknown on the BC. Normally I would never advocate lying like that but he sounds like a vindictive tool that will only fight for custody to get at you.

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  6. #14
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    Seriously, and just my personal feelings, but I would not want a man like that in my life as a reminder and possibly a barrier to finding true happiness with someone else - amd the possibilities of a real family situation for my potential children. I know it is a contentious issue, if *I* was in a similar position, there is no way I'd continue with a pregnancy - especially if he were going to haunt me. Each person needs to consider what is right for them, and decisions about life are not easy. He sounds like bad news. 10 months isnt really that long a time to know someone - and he is now showing his true (ugly) colours. Escape - for you, whether or not you decide to keep your baby.

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    I thought about that but this course of action would be detrimental to the child when they are old enough to start asking questions about who their father is, especially if they want to meet their father and half siblings.
    With respect it sounds like he would not be a good role model anyway. I get asking her to terminate (I'm not saying I agree but he has a right to at least put it out there) but to say if you don't terminate I'll go for 50/50 just smacks of immaturity and spite.

    As I said, I don't normally advocate deception, but if I was in this situation I would be moving and getting away from him.

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  10. #16
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    Fair point. But if I was the OP as the child got older I would tell them the truth in an age appropriate way. A 7 year old doesn't need to know about abortion, but then I wouldn't consider my 7 year old mature enough to decide he wanted to know his father, particularly this type of guy.

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  12. #17
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    Not having my kid know their father is one of the biggest points for me. My father didn't want me. I was a burden. And I knew it.
    And it sucked.
    I would have rather never have known him than know that my desire to see him was a burden to him. That I wasn't actually wanted.

    But that said, at the time all I wanted was my daddy.
    It's difficult.

  13. #18
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    If you were my sister or friend I'd tell you to run!
    If that's the value he puts on human life then he's a sick individual!

    You're only with him 10 months, you have no idea what he's really like.
    You can raise this baby on your own if that's what you want to do.
    It's not the end of the world not to have a father in your life.
    I grew up fine without mine.

    It's far worse to stick around and see what else this creep has to throw at you, do you want to subject a child to that?

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  15. #19
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    Busy-Bee is offline Offending people since before Del :D
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    If you stick around (either in a relationship with him or not) you will have to engage with him on a regular basis for the next 20 or so years (and then some) about the habits, care, welfare and development of your child. Given what he has expressed already I would imagine he would take joy in making life as difficult for you as possible - that is NOT something any person needs in their life let alone a first time new mother. Judging by his comments he will NOT provide support for you but the exact opposite.

    If he was so adamant that he didn't want any more children then he should have been taking more precautions.

    Whether you believe you have a baby growing inside you or a collection of cells that needs removing is completely on you, it's how YOU define it, not him. You are the owner of your womb, not him. You have bodily autonomy, he doesn't get to chose what you should do with your body and the contents of your womb.

    This place is a great place for support so come back here and post at any time - you have 1000s of women (and a few blokes) here ready to offer support, encouragement and advice!

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  17. #20
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    My FOB said, when he was trying to bully me into terminating, that I was lucky he isn't the type of guy that would use violence to cause a miscarriage. I didn't feel very lucky in that second.

    Unplanned pregnancies certainly seem to bring out the true colours in people. I feel worried for your safety. I don't feel that this man loves you. I also feel that ultimately it is your choice whether or not you keep this baby. You seem very clear about how you feel.

    And honestly? If you are going to leave the relationship if he successfully pushes you to terminate I think you should cut out the middle man, leave him and have the baby that you want. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope that you stay strong and stay safe.

    You can do without this kind of 'love'.


 

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