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  1. #1
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    Default Concerns Regarding my Partner.

    My partner and I have been together for 10 months as of the 18th of November. He has two kids from his marriage, and the divorce hasn't been finalized (3 years+ separated at this stage).

    I got my BFP on the 18th, which was also his birthday. I've told him, I've done bloods, I had a scan today, and they couldn't see anything so I'm hoping it's just too early for anything.

    He's already stated his vote is for termination, and me saying "I can't do that" is taking complete control and not letting him have a say. Understandable, I get that point of view. But I know he's going to bring that up again and again, to me and to other people.

    Within the last 48 hours we've established he doesn't want it, is 100% okay with the idea that if I did terminate I'd have to leave the relationship, but if the pregnancy actually results in an infant he's going to fight for 50%-full custody etc.

    I made the argument that him asking me to terminate feels like me asking him to outright kill one of his pre-existing children. And he's said he couldn't so much kill them, but if he could he'd go back in time and 'throw their mother on her stomach'.
    I've also been told this isn't a "person", it's a sickness until something has actually come of it. We obviously have conflicting ideas - I see this as the very beginning of a person, seeing as we were all the size of a pinprick at some point.

    We've only known for 2 days and I'm already scared of the outcome. I've told him his comments have actually scared me that he might decide he wants to push me down some stairs or something.
    And if all goes well and next July we have a child together, the rest of my life is going to be him battling against me for a child I've "forced" him to have by not terminating.
    I seriously just need advice. I grew up knowing my father didn't want me and I don't want that for any child I ever have. But I also don't want to be afraid of being around him, and I sure as hell don't want to battle over a newborn when and if the time comes.

    What can I even do? This is not what I want to be worried about right now.

  2. #2
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    A complex situation. Firstly, do YOU want the baby?
    If the answer is yes, you have to think about your own personal safety and that of the unborn baby if you stay. Can you trust him not to do something? If the answer is no, then if I was in your shoes, I'd move out. It doesn't seem like he wants more children - ever - do you?
    Being separated from a babies dad is hard (been there, looks like I will be there again), but people can whinge all they like, it is extremely unlikely he'd get full custody. Ever. Some people it seems exist to make our lives difficult in the extreme, and it sounds like he might be one of these. But think about what you wouldn't be prepared to do. If you are committed to this pregnancy, then do what you need to do.
    If you feel personally threatened, leave. No person, let alone any pregnant lady should feel like that.

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  4. #3
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    Do you want a baby? Do you believe termination is an option for you?

    Answer these questions and then... And sorry if this is harsh... Have a look at he shambles of a relationship you are a part of. Seriously it sounds like this dude has big problems... Be careful and look after yourself!

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    I'm sort of in a position of I didn't want this, but now that I have it I don't want it to end. I don't want to end up having another miscarriage. I want this baby.

    And when he pointed out we both didn't want more kids yet - and the idea was we'd wait until the stepbabies were 10+ (the youngest is almost 5) - I said, there's a huge difference between not wanting this to have happened and wanting to end it.

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    First of all, I'd get rid of him because he sounds like an absolute heartless pr!ck. I can't believe he said that about his ex. WTF.

    Then, I'd decide if I wanted to continue with the pregnancy or not.

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    Honestly? Get away from him. For him to say to you that if he could go back he would throw his ex on her stomach seems to me to be the words of someone who would threaten and intimidate to get his way. Baby or no baby, is that the kind of person you want to be with?

    It seems ridiculous to me that he could say in one breath that he wants you to terminate and in the next that he would want 50/50 custody sounds like his priority is control.

    I know that after 10 months walking away from a relationship must be an awful though, and you may have lots of good things there but this pregnancy was created by both of you, and even if you want different things, you should still be facing the decision making process with both of your wants and needs in mind and with support for each other. Sorry if I am out of line, but your post rang alarm bells for me.

    As far as continuing the pregnancy or not, only you know if that is what you want and if you can manage, but I believe you need to put your own needs first here because either way, it doesn't sound like a relationship that is healthy for you. Sorry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeshika View Post
    I'm sort of in a position of I didn't want this, but now that I have it I don't want it to end. I don't want to end up having another miscarriage. I want this baby.

    .
    Well then keep the baby and tell your ******** of a partner to **** off.!

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    He can't say terminate in one breath and in the other, say he'll fight for 50/50 access.. That's so ridiculous.

    He sounds like manipulative piece of sh*t to me.

    If it were me and I really wanted this baby, I would run and I would never look back.

    Good luck!

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    I've already told him if he wanted nothing to do with anything I'd disappear and he wouldn't have to deal with it. No child support, no nothing.

    And he was like "why would I want that?"

    I'm so confused right now.

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    I think CMF and SpecialPatrol have good advice. Seriously, he sounds like a real piece of work. Baby or no baby you need to remove him from your life.

    Does he have much access to his kids? With a newborn I think they stay with the mother mostly in custody disputes for feeding reasons. So it would be a while before he even gets 50:50, hopefully he's lost interest by then.

    I'm just still in shock someone would say that.


 

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