I just need to clear my head. I don't know what to do. I have 3 beautiful kids that i'm so lucky to have but now i can't have more due to serious medical issues. It hurts so much. Hubby refuses to get the snip and only offers to wear condoms but if i get pregnant accidently i will have to abort. I can't have implanted birth control nor hormonal birth control so i'm facing surgical sterilisation. The thought terrifies and upsets me because i'm not done. I don't feel done. I'm in mourning for babies that never existed I can't enjoy my new baby because i'm mourning for a little brother or sister for her even though she has 2 wonderful older siblings.