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    Default Do you and your partner have similar parenting styles?

    Hi everyone

    I am in the last stages of writing a book about the emotional journey of becoming a mother. I am interested in hearing women's stories about many aspects of this journey and many of you have offered your experiences to questions I have posted previously on bonding etc. Thanks you!

    The chapter I am currently working on explores the challenges of parenting with a partner. Prior to having a baby we may discuss our parenting styles with our partner and assume that we will be on the same page, yet the reality of caring for a baby or child on a daily basis can suddenly illuminate that there are significant differences. Was this your experience? Did you have a sudden moment when this became clear to you?

    For myself I recall one hilarious ( not so at the time) moment when at 2am after our baby had been crying for two hours my husband suddenly became a controlled crying advocate and I found myself saying 'I can't believe you think controlled crying is okay!!' Being 2am and sleep deprived, probably this wasn't the best time to discuss our different parenting styles but it did provide a starting point.

    I would love your story - just a few sentences is fine - about how well you and your partner parent together, what are the differences/similarities and how do you work together to stay on the 'same page'? Generally any quotes that i think would be suitable I will quote verbatim in the book as an anonymous quote. If you are not comfortable with this please just let me know in your post.

    Thanks again everyone. Your experiences are so much appreciated.

    Regards

    Leisa

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    Default Do you and your partner have similar parenting styles?

    Hi there!

    This is an interesting question. In terms of parenting styles both myself and my husband are completely on the same page. We have high expectations of our children and generally they are well-behaved (certainly not perfect but they know what we expect). We both believe that we are not our children's friends; we are there to guide and support them and teach them how to function in the real world. There is no good cop/bad cop in our house as we both expect the same things! We are quite strict with our boys, especially when we take them places like restaurants. They know what we expect and generally we can take them anywhere without worrying how they will behave.

    Is this the kind of thing you are talking about? Apologies if I've got it wrong!

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    Not at all! After being a single mum to our first born for 3 years dh came home and we are not on the page even next to each other.
    I'm an attachment parent but dh is all cry it out and tuff love. I'm still breastfeeding at 22 months with our 2nd boy and dh was trying to tell me to give up at 4 months. We make it work though. I'm not sure how some days.
    Happy to give more detail if your after it.

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    We tend to agree philosophically but that doesn't always happen on a practical level, some of that is dh being unsure/inexperienced and some of that is bad habits (from both of us) and also a bit of figuring out how to actually parent in the style we want to.

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    Yep we do we are very similar. I couldn't imagine raising kids not having similar parenting styles and don't think I could have married him if that was the case.

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    We are similar, we have the same expectations etc and we definitely to have good cop/bad cop however I seem to be the one that hands out the punishments ie taking things away etc and being the disciplinary parent

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdornedWithCats View Post
    We tend to agree philosophically but that doesn't always happen on a practical level, some of that is dh being unsure/inexperienced and some of that is bad habits (from both of us) and also a bit of figuring out how to actually parent in the style we want to.

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    This is us. Philosophically we're basically on the same page but sometimes in the moment, that changes.

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    Thanks everyone! Those were exactly the responses I needed. If you felt like answering another question...?

    How do you manage to get on to the same page? Do you feel that you've worked hard on talking things through or were you close in ideas about parenting to begin with so you didn't need to work too hard to get there?

    Thanks ladies. Your comments are such a help and I'll be able to use them in my book.

    Regards

    Leisa

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    We discussed kids and parenting long before we had kids (it was almost 9 years together before we had our first) and made sure we were on the same page. So it wasn't really about getting on the same page, we just were to begin with. I don't think couples explore these sort of things enough before they commit to marriage and kids then wonder why they can't agree.

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    Dh and i were/are on completely different pages parenting wise, mainly due to our very different upbringings. It has caused a lot of issues over the years and finding a middle ground has proven difficult. The best thing we ever did was see a behavioural psychologist. She spoke with us about the way we were raised and about how we parent and helped us see where the other was coming from. From that we were able to understand each other better and slowly found ways to reach common ground. The biggest issue I had was that he is rarely home due to work, and when he is home he lets the kids get away with a lot which makes it hard when he leaves as I have to deal with the fallout with the kids. He finally realised the negative impact it was having when he had to become the primary carer for a short time, since then he follows my lead as he can see the kids need the stability. The kids have also learned that now dh and I are on the same page they can't play us off against each other like they used to.

    The biggest thing is communication and consistency. It can be hard work to achieve but its well worth it in the end, the house feels a lot more calm and runs a lot more smoothly.


 

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