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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmyEL View Post
    Can you take DD on a mummy daughter date, without DS? Express if you're breastfeeding? Go and get a pedicure together or have lunch & treat her special? She might just be craving some one on one attention. It is so hard being a mum of 2, just being pulled in both directions is so difficult, I know my bub is left to cry more than I would like while tending to my toddler & my toddler is left to entertain himself more that he's used to... That's probably the but I struggle the most with, the juggle!
    I tried that on the weekend and she cried about everything the whole time we were out, didn't want to stay in the trolley, didn't like the coloured marshmallows we were given and didn't eat her baby chino, I let her sit in a proper chair when she didn't want to stay in the trolley at the cafe, she cried no matter what and also didn't sit in her chair she wanted to walk around everywhere.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eilonwy View Post
    This sounds almost exactly what DS (20 months) is like when he is teething. Minus the nail biting. Drives us bonkers!!!
    Unfortunately she has all of her teeth, but it does make me wonder if she's not feeling well. I ask her and she either says no, cries when I even ask her or just ignores me.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I tried that on the weekend and she cried about everything the whole time we were out, didn't want to stay in the trolley, didn't like the coloured marshmallows we were given and didn't eat her baby chino, I let her sit in a proper chair when she didn't want to stay in the trolley at the cafe, she cried no matter what and also didn't sit in her chair she wanted to walk around everywhere.



    Unfortunately she has all of her teeth, but it does make me wonder if she's not feeling well. I ask her and she either says no, cries when I even ask her or just ignores me.
    Maybe give her some nurofen and if she calms down a bit then you'll know if it's pain of some sort. Worth a try.

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  4. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Good luck! I hope it doesn't last 10 days again!

    DD is really causing me concern at the moment, her tantrums are happening all throughout each day, she's defiant, never listens, cries over everything, she's not eating much, not drinking much, she's biting her nails and some fingers barely have any nails left and are bleeding and catching dirt, nothing I do makes her happy, any attempt to get her to eat, drink, stop biting her nails, get her involved in activities other than TV and iPad are met with screaming and tears. I am at my wits end, dealing with her every day is draining, I don't enjoy her company any more, I dread days with her and I'm worried about her fingers and general health too.

    She was a high needs baby who was awesome between 14 and 24ish months, and I thought DS would be difficult once he came along, but nope! Even though he has his frustrations mainly his inability to settle with wind every third or gouty feed, DD again is the one causing me stress and worry.

    I hate feeling this way, I just hope she snaps out of these things soon, I don't know how much more I can take. Is she really typical of this age? Are they all so defiant all day every day? I'm wondering if there's something medically or emotionally/mentally wrong with her right now.
    Defiance and tantrums are normal and a lot of toddlers go through phases of food refusal. The nail-biting is the thing that would concern me as it sounds like anxious behaviour. Taken in context with all her other behaviours I would probably consider getting a referral for a paed or a children's psych. Chances are she's totally fine and just going through a difficult phase but you might get access to some resources/strategies for managing it.

    It's so tough when they're challenging you every step of the way.

  5. #64
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    I was there a few months ago. Baby wearing was a life saviour. I just had to be extra patient with the toddler, and tried to give the toddler a lot of attention. If you think about it, their life has just turned upside down and they need time to adjust (as much as we do).

    I found it very helpful to teach my toddler to be quiet and to wait when I was getting the baby to sleep. It didn't take long for the toddler to learn that being quiet for a few minutes was good because I could then give him my full attention until the baby was awake again.

    Getting out of the house is still a lot of work but totally worth it. I just plan short trips and I'm always in the frame of mind that things may go wrong and I need to be flexible.

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  7. #65
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    A-Squared it sounds like you are having a tough time with your DD, I hope things are looking up today.
    My DH is working all weekend, so I will be stuck with all 3 kids on my own for 4 days straight. Urgh. Not looking forward to it.
    DS2 is all over the place today, I'm trying to stick to the routine but he really isn't cooperating!
    And I've got so much housework to do, but lacking motivation.

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  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    Defiance and tantrums are normal and a lot of toddlers go through phases of food refusal. The nail-biting is the thing that would concern me as it sounds like anxious behaviour. Taken in context with all her other behaviours I would probably consider getting a referral for a paed or a children's psych. Chances are she's totally fine and just going through a difficult phase but you might get access to some resources/strategies for managing it.

    It's so tough when they're challenging you every step of the way.
    I think I will speak to my GP about a paed referral. My parents had her today and they said she was fine all day. I was at their house for half an hour when I picked her up and she was fine. They also told me they've told her that big girls don't bite their nails, she even repeated it.

    Then as soon as we got in the car, the same tears and screaming entailed about every single little thing we spoke about, even when I told her big girls don't bite their nails while she was biting them. If I agreed with what she said she changed her mind and said the opposite and cried about it, if I disagreed or corrected her, she cried, if I ignored her completely she screamed mummy, mummy, mummy and cried. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't.

    I passed her back some food which she held out and dropped on the ground on purpose and said it was yucky. It was a rafters sachet, so not yucky. I pulled over, picked it up and gave it to her and she cried the entire time then dropped it again.

    She started taking off her shoes and I said not to as I know she hates walking over the front door mat to get inside without shoes on, what does she do... Continue to take them off and throw them on the ground, then tried to get her socks off which wasn't fruitful so cried about it, then screamed because I said I wouldn't help her.

    All of this in a 30 minute far ride - 30 minutes!!!!

    It's been nearly 8 weeks now since DS was born, surely she should be starting to cope better by now. I understand what a hard transition it must be for her, but she's not getting any less jealous, nor is her behaviour improving at all. I'm just over it. I'm crying now about having to face a whole day with her tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Life isn't meant to be so unenjoyable, I'm not meant to hate having my own daughter around, but I do.

  10. #67
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    Hugs

    Can you ask you parents to help out with the NB while you spend special time with her? It could be even going to the same place you are but minding the baby while you play with your daughter?

    A lot of the things you described from the car ride sounded like typical toddler attention seeking behaviour. As you said she must be struggling to adapt. And at the same time is throwing some tantrums and having defiant behaviour which is age appropriate, regardless on having a new sibling. The nail biting could be anxiety but it could also be attention seeking, as she is getting a reaction from you.

    Have you considered seeing a psychologist? They may also have good suggestions for how to better manage this transition for the whole family. Just another thought, the pediatrician might be a good idea too

  11. #68
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    I really feel for you. Sounds like she's really testing the boundaries with you and trying to get your attention. I can imagine how stressed out you must be.

    While we were lucky not to have too much trouble with DD adjusting to DSs arrival, I have found that in the last week or two she has really settled into having him around. She's happy to let me feed him without having to be climbing all over me while I do it and has stopped following me every time I go to put DS in his cot. DS is 17wks now and I guess the novelty is slowly wearing off! Hopefully your DD will calm down for you as she gets used to having a sibling in the house.

    I'm not sure where you live but places like Tresillian can help with behavior issues that come with a new sibling. Might be worth looking into.

  12. #69
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    Thanks ladies!

    I took the kids to the playground today and she was good most of the morning, whenever I wasn't feeding DS or putting him to sleep I went and played with her and she was being such a show off - mummy I'm up here! Mummy, watch me on the slide! She did appreciate the attention but I felt bad as she played by herself most of the time. I wanted to be with her the whole time, but that's just not practical now.

    So a successful morning and she slept an hour and a half which is more than usual, but the only downside is that poor DSs face is burnt! I swore we were shaded the whole time but obviously not! my poor bubba, sunburn at 8 weeks old can't be good!

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  14. #70
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    Ok Mummas where do you put your baby during the day? I want her (baby DD) in the same room as us but DS can tip over the bassinet. So I've currently got her in a portacot with her bouncer inside. DS is still chucking stuff in there and he also has the ability to tip the portacot (I swear I'm raising Hercules). I'm starting to fear that I will never be able to have her on the ground for tummy time etc! DS is 21 months.


 

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