someone had asked me a similar question a few months ago, and I'll post my answer here again so forgive the cut and paste, but I can honestly say - now at three months post birth my feelings haven't wavered.
Interesting question, I had Edie almost 4 weeks ago now so all the emotions are still pretty new and fresh for me.
Honestly the whole way through I have felt that DE was the best option for us - after 6 rounds of OE IVF with varying degrees of failure (success?) I was ready to move on. In fact I was ready to move on after 3 rounds but DH was not.
I'm a bit of a realist, and this is not to deter anyone in here from chasing their OE dream, but I just couldn't keep doing it, to myself, my husband and our life. Our miscarriage last Nov was the last straw for me and I needed to move on to DE and to have some positivity and favorable odds back in my life. I also needed a good holiday so we went to Cape Town with the idea it was as much a wonderful holiday as the chance to finally have a baby. And we loved every minute of it. Most importantly, we went with the expectation that it may not work the first time, we hoped like crazy that it would, but also knew using a donor is not the silver bullet that some people make it out to be.
I did blog about my whole experience so far - I'm not allowed to link here but if you google donoreggjourney it should show up. I haven't written my birth story or the emotions I've encountered so far yet, but I'll try to explain it here.
All through my pregnancy in the back of my mind I wondered a lot of things, what this baby would look like, would I bond with her and would it be as strong as if she is my OE baby? Would she know I was her mother? Probably all the things you are questioning now.
Once she was born and put on my chest for a couple of minutes - I just looked at this strange little creature and cried. She is the accumulation of all my dreams, wants, love, tenacity, resilience. She is the most wanted baby, I see in her my lost baby and I feel an absolute knowing that we were meant to be in each other's lives. I don't grieve that she's not genetically linked to me, I celebrate she is in my life and I have the opportunity to be her mother. Every day I just look at her in awe and I tell her how much we love and wanted her and I still cry when I say these words to her. I see my husband being an even better father than I imagined he would be and that just makes me so happy.
Sure, in the first few days I had the normal hormonal drop that every woman has with having a baby and I questioned if I could be a good mother, could I handle this? Have I made a mistake? Am I too old and all of those questions but now that has all settled and I'm left with this little person in my life who I will be eternally thankful for and I know I have made the right decision for us. So much so that we are already planning our return trip for her sibling.
You have to be comfortable with the decision to move on to donor eggs, see a counsellor at your IVF clinic and talk it through. There are different emotions you go through but I didn't find them confronting, they are what they are.