I'm just having a total breakdown and wondering if anyone can help or give any type of advice or positive stories...
My history is of several miscarriages over the past eighteen months, no reason found (doesn't appear to be NK Cells, clotting factors, thin lining etc), so it is assumed that I just have old, faulty eggs.
I had an appointment with Wazza in December, and he started me on a lot of stuff, but the two injectables I just can't face - Clexane and FSH shots. I am completely needle-phobic and was balling my eyes out even just talking about the thought of injections, let alone having to do them.
So, since my appointment I have started on and been on for three weeks now:
DHEA 25mg x 2 day
I am already taking thyroid hormone and will start Feldane (anti-inflammatory) and Progesterone on Day 14 of my cycle.
Today is Day 2 of my cycle and I have started Letrozole 5mg for the next five days.
What I was supposed to do was go in on Day 6 and start FSH injections for 8-10 days, as well as starting Clexane, then check for follicles and do a trigger shot and possible IUI. But I can't face the injections.
Instead, I am going to do the Letrozole for the five days, then have a scan on Day 12 and if there are follicles that are maturing then I am open to having a trigger shot (will use Emla anaesthetic cream prior) and then IUI. The thing is that the clinic just said that there is no point to that because if there is only one follicle then it's all the same as having a natural cycle and I might as well not bother.
I thought by taking everything that I am (and I'm aiming to replace the Clexane with natural anti-coagulants garlic, fish oil and nattokinase) surely I'm giving myself a better chance and there must be SOME benefit to everything I'm doing even if I don't do the FSH shots right now? I'm sure I've read about women falling pregnant taking Letrozole on it's own and not doing anything else...
I guess I am totally discouraged and am having a meltdown. To even have the appointment at the clinic was a huge thing for me. To be told my eggs are so old I have pretty much no chance of having my own child (even though I have had three pregnancies and two chems in the last 18 months), was heartbreaking, and I can't believe that there would be no difference between my previous cycles where I took none of the above, and now when I'm doing tons of stuff except the FSH.
I don't even know what I'm asking here except I just can't stop crying, it all seems too hard and just want a baby more than anything in the world.
What do I do?
How old are you @Leisylou ? The fact that you've been pregnant that many times is way better than most of us so a great sign!! And as you've no doubt seen, there are plenty of bfp's happening with over 40s. What about going to a gp to get someone else to do the injections for you? Or use Emla every time ? I remember my first injection and I was shaking so much I never thought I'd be able to do it. I hate needles too. I held it on my belly for that long, just resting on my skin, too scared to do it, then looked down and saw it had gone in and I didn't even feel it. I never got to like it but it certainly got easier. I could never look tho lol. I can't advise on all those drugs sorry, I never used them..except progesterone
Last edited by JulieMalooley; 09-01-2015 at 14:05.
@Leisylou I'm not sure if this helps you or not, like you I have had numerous chemical pregnancies- both natural and with ivf (although I didn't realise before I started ivf). Thanks to ivf and a protocol very similar to your I have dd and am 36 weeks pregnant with our 2nd miracle. What got me over the line was unfortunately clexane!! I am not a fan of needles by any stretch of the imagination- but it did get easier. I used lots of ice and really didn't feel most of the needles. Could you not ice and then get dh to do it while you look away?!?! My dh is too squeamish to do this, but lots of other women do it. I don't believe it's your eggs, I just think they might need a bit of help like mine. Best of luck and I hope this helps and doesn't make things worse xx
@Leisylou forgot to say I never tested positive to any clotting/nk cells etc. was just on doctors recommendation that it couldn't hurt. I only used clexane on both my successful cycles. So I really believe it was the thing that made the biggest difference.
Sorry, me again. Just thinking about this... You obviously ovulate successfully and your eggs don't have the 'old age' hard shell, so are fertilising just fine. The only benefit I can see you getting out of Ivf is that you will get many eggs on each cycle instead of just one. But I think the only way that will happen is with fsh, I'm not sure what clexane is for. If you are taking all the right drugs, vitamins etc and avoiding alcohol (which affects egg quality pre ovulation) then I agree you have as much chance on your own of a successful pregnancy and it's far cheaper obviously.
Have you tried clomid? That'll potentially give you multiple follies
Last edited by JulieMalooley; 09-01-2015 at 14:18.
Thank you so much @frogpossum & @leyshoja
That is really interesting to know that Clexane was the difference for you frogpossum in getting your little miracles. My SIL was the same, nothing showing up in tests, but her doctor threw everything at her and it did end up working.
Right now I just don't even think I can do it, whether I use, ice, Emla etc - the phobia is pretty severe and I won't even have a blood test unless I psyche myself up for days and use Emla etc. There's no way I would let DH near me with a needle, so that is definitely out.
Good to know too about the Gonal ones leyshoja, if I do end up going that direction I will make sure it is that one.
leyshoja - the letrozole is similar to clomid but apparently Wazza likes it better for over 40's so meant to stimulate a good strong ovulation and possibly 2-3 eggs. I think he said that it should help the best egg mature, but I can't quite remember everything he said in the consult. The Clexane is an anticoagulant just in case it is clots that are causing the miscarriages.
I think the benefits to doing a full IVF round (which this wasn't going to be) is that we might potentially collect several eggs and I could have them screened which could be a good thing. At least then I'd know if my eggs are OK or not. It just seems so hard, I feel like just walking away from it all and just dealing with the fact that I'll never have children...
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