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  1. #1
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    Default How can I help my dd to play with others?

    Dd will be starting kindy next year. She has been going to daycare 3 days a week since she was 13m so she is used to other kids and being in class/group settings.
    Today I met with her daycare teacher for the parent teacher interview and her teacher expressed concerns about how dd will cope with being in kindy bc she doesn't play with other kids at daycare. She prefers the teachers and is very talkative to adults but won't join in with the other kids. She will also often try to find ds who is 3.5yo and try to play with him even though he is off trying to play with his own friends.

    Dd has been shy even at a very early age. When she is with me I can see there has been some improvement with her interaction with her cousins and other friends kids. But I do worry about her when she is around other kids she doesn't know.

    So my questions are:

    1. I am thinking of taking her to the gp then getting referral to have her assessed eg for things like anxiety and for help to get some ideas on how to let her be more confident and assertive around other kids. Do I ask this in front of dd or will this make her think there is something wrong with her?

    2. If you have a child in similar situation did they improve with age? Was there anything you did to help?

    3. Am I just worrying over nothing and would it be better to wait and see how she goes once school starts??

    Thanks if you have read this far and would appreciate any suggestions or experiences.

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    How old is she? Do you have an opportunity to hold her back?

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    She turns 5 this year in December so I can't hold her back. Academic wise she is ready and will really enjoy that part of school as she loves to learn and draw and write. I just hope she won't feel lonely and will have someone to play with during lunch.

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    I have no advice but my DD is the same, I have decided to hold her back until she is 6. She is very social and chatty with adults but very shy around kids. I think it just takes time and a lot of interaction for her to trust people. I don't really know if what I'm doing is right but everyday I ask her about all kids in her class and very softly encourage her to talk to them, this term she initiated a little game where she chooses which one of her classmates she will play with on each day. I got feedback from her teacher that while she is still shy and quite she has improved and will initiate play with all kids in her class and is no longer spending the day by herself.

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    Jontu  (13-11-2014)

  6. #5
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    My DD1 is receiving treatment for selective mutism so is at the extreme end of the spectrum for shyness (SM is anxiety about talking to certain people in certain situations). She's starting Kindy next year too (turns 4 in a few weeks). Some children will just grow out of shyness but it's worth talking to a GP or child psychologist and seeing if further intervention is needed - the earlier the better. My daughter also finds it much easier talking to adults - she has started speaking to her teachers but finds it hard with the other children. Her psychologist said that is not uncommon as other children can be seen as unpredictable etc. Do you know any of the children who will be in her class next year - you could have one of them over for some play dates during the holidays maybe?

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    Jontu  (13-11-2014)

  8. #6
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    There are 4 kids from her daycare going to the same school. There will be 2 kindy classes so I am not sure if they will end up in the same class. I have never initiated a play date before and when I do drop off and pickup don't see the other parents.

    I am hoping when school starts there will be more parent interaction so hopefully can build some friendships there.

    I do want to see a child psych or similar just mot sure where to start and how to talk to dd about it without making it a big deal and possibly making her think that there's something wrong with her.

    As a child myself I was also quite an introvert and didn't make friends easily. I am still quite the same around people I don't know.

  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hers&Hers View Post
    I have no advice but my DD is the same, I have decided to hold her back until she is 6. She is very social and chatty with adults but very shy around kids. I think it just takes time and a lot of interaction for her to trust people. I don't really know if what I'm doing is right but everyday I ask her about all kids in her class and very softly encourage her to talk to them, this term she initiated a little game where she chooses which one of her classmates she will play with on each day. I got feedback from her teacher that while she is still shy and quite she has improved and will initiate play with all kids in her class and is no longer spending the day by herself.
    That's a great idea that she initiated that game. do you organise for your dd to play with the kids outside her class? Has she said why she doesn't play with other kids?
    I have tried asking dd but she doesn't say why other than other kids don't want to play with her. I don't think this is the case bc the teachers tell me other kids ask her to play but she shies away from them. I have also seen this when I pick her up.

    Sent from my SM-N9005 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunnybambino View Post
    My DD1 is receiving treatment for selective mutism so is at the extreme end of the spectrum for shyness (SM is anxiety about talking to certain people in certain situations). She's starting Kindy next year too (turns 4 in a few weeks). Some children will just grow out of shyness but it's worth talking to a GP or child psychologist and seeing if further intervention is needed - the earlier the better. My daughter also finds it much easier talking to adults - she has started speaking to her teachers but finds it hard with the other children. Her psychologist said that is not uncommon as other children can be seen as unpredictable etc. Do you know any of the children who will be in her class next year - you could have one of them over for some play dates during the holidays maybe?
    Thanks for sharing. Do you mind if I ask how you went about getting the appointment with the psych, how you brought it up with your dd and what the sessions are like? Sorry so many questions.

    Sent from my SM-N9005 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Yes it can be awkward trying to get the appropriate help without making your child feel like they're doing something "wrong". Your GP can do up a mental health plan which entitles you to a certain amount of sessions (I think 10) with a child psych (free through Medicare). The issue is your child has to be physically present at the GP appointment to get the plan, and has to be physically present with the psych to get it free through Medicare. You could go and see the GP first to explain the situation and take along your DD to pick up the plan referral later?

    We ended up seeing a psych privately - she saw me first and DD waited in the waiting room with my mum. She came in at the end. Unfortunately she didn't click with that psych. We are now going through the Selective mutism Clinic based in Sydney so we do teleconferences. It's expensive because we get no rebates through Medicare or private health because it's interstate.

    How is your daughter with everyday strangers like in cafés, the supermarket, out and about?

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    Jontu  (13-11-2014)

  13. #10
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    In terms of the session, DD isn't involved at all. She didn't even know we were speaking to someone about it until recently. We have teleconferences with the psych, me and DH. She gives us stuff to talk about with DD, goals (using reward charts etc). She also speaks to the teacher and has goals and activities for her to do there. Again, she is at the extreme end of shyness so it's quite full on but we're seeing massive improvements.

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