Oh my goodness I would be so upset if I were you - the school seems to have handled this terribly
Along with many other issues, I would be so furious that they still don't see the issue with you not being there. Regardless of their policies, you explicitly stated you didnt want them questioning your daughter without you present. For them to disregard that is disgusting. I would be seriously considering going to the police and would definitely be sourcing some psychological input for your daughter.