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  1. #1
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    Default Giving birth after a traumatic birth

    Hi, I was just looking for advice on having another baby after going through a traumatic birth. I am not pregnant and only gave birth to my ds 5 months ago but am finding it hard to get past the experience I had. I am constantly thinking about it even though I'm nowhere near ready to have another. The only way I can see myself having another baby is by c section. I had always wanted to have 4 children and don't think I will be able to do so unless I get past this anxiety I have towards giving birth.
    If you have given birth after a traumatic experience I would love some advice on how you did this.

    Thankyou

  2. #2
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    Massive hugs xx

    If you "report" your post you can ask a moderator for the password to the private section.

    Please consider getting some birth trauma counselling. If you're in Melbourne I can recommend one.

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    Em9  (10-11-2014)

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    Birth counselling, with someone specialising in birth trauma, is def worth it. I felt quite traumatised after my ds2's birth and talking in through really clarified what happened and actually gave me a very different perspective on the whole events before my dd2 was born. Best of luck op

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    I had a traumatic experience with my second (attempted vbac ending in another c-section). The surgery itself wasn't traumatic, although unwanted and unnecessary, but the labour was very traumatic because of mistreatment from hospital staff.

    My third bub was born at home. It was amazing. I had a private midwife which meant continuity of care throughout my pregnancy... My care provider knew all about my fears and my past experiences. We spoke about what happened, and why, and how things could be different next time.
    I would highly recommend hiring a private midwife for your next birth (even if you birth in a hospital). They are a wealth if knowledge and support.

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    Hi Em9, I'm currently dealing with the same issue and having the exact same thoughts. A few months ago, I got a referral from my gp to see a counsellor and I have been seeing one since. I cannot recommend this enough. PM me if you'd like to ask any questions.

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    Em9  (10-11-2014)

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    Thanks so much everyone. I'm not 100% sure how to report y post but ill have a play in a minute to figure it out. I guess I feel silly saying I had a 'traumatic' birth when not a great deal went wrong. But mentally I just can't get past it. I live in quite a rural area so not sure of the facilities available but I think I will mention it to my gp next time I go see her. Thank you for your replies. Hopefully in a couple of years I will look at birth as a positive experience, not one that I want to erase from my memory!

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    No matter what happened in your birth, if you feel it was traumatic then your feelings are completely valid.
    My birth wasn't that "bad" compared to what some women experience but I can't think about it with clear memories of panic, and dehumanising treatment.
    For me, nothing went wrong as such. Neither baby nor me were ever in danger, but I was treated poorly, not supported by hospital staff, no one explained what was happening which made it really scary (e.g, vaginal exams during contractions while I begged "no", then having it immediately repeated so a student could learn, 5 contractions on top of each other then a few minutes break: no one told me this was indicative of a posterior baby. They just came in, looked at the monitor, frowned and left. I was ridiculed for the noises I was making: "we're calling you the singing lady" while laughing... Sure, I know she was just having a laugh but it made me feel effing stupid for my low humming through contractions).
    Anyway, I digress. The point is, your feelings are valid.
    Some women have highly high risk births with all the emergency buzzers etc, and aren't phased. Others have what I might consider an amazing birth, and feel traumatised.
    The only criteria for a traumatic birth is that you feel traumatised.

    I hope that one day you are able to see your birth as positive but please understand it's ok to not think that way. It is possible to look back in your birth experience with negative feelings while having amazingly positive feelings about finally meeting your baby. They are two separate things.
    Big hugs xo

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    Quote Originally Posted by Em9 View Post
    Thanks so much everyone. I'm not 100% sure how to report y post but ill have a play in a minute to figure it out. I guess I feel silly saying I had a 'traumatic' birth when not a great deal went wrong. But mentally I just can't get past it. I live in quite a rural area so not sure of the facilities available but I think I will mention it to my gp next time I go see her. Thank you for your replies. Hopefully in a couple of years I will look at birth as a positive experience, not one that I want to erase from my memory!
    Many people would have had more difficult births than me I am sure - but I found mine very traumatic and it took me about a year to really get over it. As someone else said, the only criteria to a traumatic birth is that you feel traumatised.

    The "at least you have a healthy baby so you shouldn't be concerned about how they got here" is a load of crap and very damaging potentially.

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    If your birth felt traumatic to you, thats what matters. It affects you and it is really hard to deal with.

    I suffered birth trauma with my DS2 just over 4 years ago. It was a mismanaged emergency situation and it was very scary. I saw a counsellor and also spoke to the people at online organisation that helps people who suffer from birth trauma (I can PM you details if you like)

    I gave birth to my DS3 17 months ago. In the lead up I was really scared. But I made sure my birth plan had my history documented and the midwives were fantastic.

    Its funny, my DS3 birth could have been traumatic as he was born not breathing and whisked away immediately, but the difference supportive midwives etc made was huge.

    Good luck, you dont havr to feel better about it right now, but you can work towards it, and you can have a good experience after a traumatic one, and if you ever want to chat, please feel free to PM me xo

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    @Em9 I had a traumatic first birth, and was diagnosed with PTSD when DS was 7m. I saw a fantastic psychiatrist for the following 18m, and with his support, was able to overcome my illness. When DS was 17m, I took what felt like a huge leap of faith, and fell pregnant again. I vetted my obstetrician carefully, and also had a private midwife team looking after me. It wasn't easy, and taught me how strong I am, and just how motivated I was to have another baby. In June, my beautiful daughter was born in water, intervention free, after a wonderful 90 minute labour. At the moment it will probably seem like an impossible task, but with the right support, you can do anything. If you google 'Tea, Dust and Stitches', you'll find my blog, where I've written more about my experience.
    Take care of yourself xxx

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