I love my kids but have never been the SAHM-type. Over the last few years I don't feel like I've been a great mum and that me being home has actually been a bad thing as circumstances led me into depression and the associated behaviours. So the kids didn't get out very much and I didn't interact with them like I feel I should have.
Financially it's felt like a catch-22. Yes, we can afford for me to stay home in our current situation but we can't afford for me to enjoy being home or even a home big enough for us to live in or to update our car that needs replacing. I don't go out, buy 'coffees' or get my hair done, we can't afford a babysitter to have any time out by ourselves.
I have the feeling of being 'left behind' in my career and very much unneeded as there are a billion middle-aged mums trying to re-enter the teaching profession after having children wanting the 'perfect' part-time job. I made myself available at DS's school 2nd term for casual before having DS3 but didn't get a single call. I feel like getting my foot back in the door is going to be the biggest challenge when no one will give you a chance. Hell, I couldn't even get on the canteen roster and yet they were re-advertising again this year saying how they can never have too many volunteers...and they don't even know me.