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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2014

    Default Seeking surrogacy advice...

    hi everyone.
    i am hoping either intended mother/parents and surrogates may be able to give advice or share in their experiences with me so i don't feel so alone in this battle with unexplained infertility!!
    i'm 33 years old and my husband is 37. we have been ttc for 5 years. after multiple failed ivf attempts, i'm starting to wonder if we will ever become parents. i have never been pregnant and i feel like time is our enemy. its heartbreaking bc i just know that we would be great parents together! i feel guilty to admit that i am just so tired of it all. i'm tired of being sad or mad all the time, i'm tired of trying to be patient and hopeful, i'm tired of being tired! i wish for and mourn everyday for a child i may never meet. when is it time to look into other options? i can't help but feel like a failure as a women and as a wife. we get to the embryo transfer stage each time but for some unknown reason i haven't yet been able to get pregnant. i know there are plenty of other women whose journeys have been longer and more difficult. am i giving up too easily by looking into surrogacy now? i want this more than anything in the world but i don't know what to do. i don't know how many more ivf cycles i could handle physically or mentally, but i also don't know if i could ask another woman to have my baby? how do you even go about it? how do you feel when your child grows and moves and you can't feel it? i have signed up to the altruistic surrogacy website in search of more information. i don't mean to read as completely negative. i'm normally a very strong person but this process has robbed me of my confidence. i'm struggling to find hope and faith lately. today is just one of the difficult days..
    any advice is greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Hi Bele
    hope you were able to find some advice and things are progressing well for you now.
    just wondering if you got any advice? I'm starting to consider surrogacy if my next donor egg cycle is another negative.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Hi pinkshootingstar!

    thanks for replying..
    it's been a little while since I posted that message..
    since then, i managed to pick myself up and try again. we chose to go through a new IVF specialist.. one that was prepared to try other methods. straight away he sent both myself and my husband to be tested for many other/different things not yet tested for prior, we completed the 'Lymphocyte Immunisation Therapy' (where I get injected with my husband's blood cells in the hope my immune system will not see them as foreign and accept them, hopefully to allow implantation to occur).. we did the fresh ivf antagonist cycle, my numbers were roughly the same as before but this time our new doctor insisted that we let them grow out to 5 days... this was a first for us!! previously we have only ever been able to get 1 or 2 embryos to day three. we got 2 to day 5, so of course we were super excited as all was looking pretty good so far. Unfortunately the excitement was short lived. We were encouraged and agreed to have do the Pre-Implanation Genetic Diagnosis/testing of the embryos. Both came back as abnormal and could not be used... We were and still are completely devastated. we have not done another cycle since. our doctor is pretty confident now that my eggs are the problem and has given us the 'i think it might almost be time to talk about an egg donor' speech.. to be honest, a speech that i wasn't yet prepared for... i want so badly to be able to do this but i don't know if i can. it was one thing to think about asking another woman to carry your child... but how do you move forward with the idea that it may not be your child biologically. i have days when i sway back and forth.. that it takes more than dna to make a women a mum.. but... then i look at my nephew, who looks so much like my dad, and i think... i want that.. i want to know where that little nose comes from.. i want to know where that smile comes from. i'm afraid you have caught me on another 'glass half empty' kind of day...
    i am prepared to try one last time with our eggs/sperm (as per my husband's request and specialists' advice - he says we may have just been very unlucky with the results last time and of course, it only takes one good embryo!!), but then i think it's time to look at what our other options are and if we are prepared to go down those roads..

    how did you find using an egg donor? i would love to hear your take on things..
    i hope all works out for you!!


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