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  1. #21
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    I would be angry and upset! The things you describe (new friend, talking excitedly, secretive, taking an interest in appearance) are regularly identified as behaviour associated with cheating.

    I would probably show up to coffee if it's just coffee between friends as he is trying to make out! Then depending on his reaction, I'd either ask him to stop like he said he would and if the reaction was over the top-I wouldn't give him the choice!

    Hugs OP xx

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    KaraB  (09-11-2014)

  3. #22
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    Ok firstly you are a tolerant person! My husband does not like me talking to guys like that and he wouldn't do it either, I have a problem with men who don't like it for their wives but it's ok for them to do it, it's like admitting it's not an innocent liaison! Sorry but He is crossing the line to me and not being fair on you! Maybe one day my husband could cheat on me you can't predict these things but behaving like this would make me furious and it's not on. the only females he can talk to is relatives, family friends and women with common association like DS Soccor coach female, neighbours, female work associates and that goes for me too he doesn't need to go to get to know random women that's inappropriate he can get to know me more I'm his wife

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    Aurora21  (07-11-2014)

  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    I have barely slept. Barely 2 hours. I kicked him out. I can't do this anymore. I am so lost though, where from here? The house will have to be sold. I don't want to be with him anymore as this is not the first time. I can't keep forgiving. I am starting to think he is a narcissist. Just like my mother. Just like his parents. I am surrounded by them and about to lose my ****. Well i already did at "husband" this morning and i hate that my son had to see it. I hate this.
    Its not your fault or doing its his, he dug his own grave!

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    KaraB  (09-11-2014)

  7. #24
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    I would be angry and upset and I don't think you're overreacting. I just wanted to say from the behaviour you described in your OP, your DH is either ridiculously stupid carrying on with such obviously suss behaviour, or, I suspect, he knew he was doing the wrong thing and 'acting out' (the wrong phrase) because subconsciously he wanted you to find out before things got too out of control. Do you think that's a possibility?

    I mean, why would he tell you about a free app that they can talk to each other on unless he wanted you to know about it? Why else would he tell you to ask him to stop if you're uncomfortable?

    I'm not making excuses for him. I do know how little things can escalate and you don't quite know how you ended up in that position.

    I believe that it's not the choice to commit infidelity that is the issue, it's the choice that came you know ten choices before that that leads people on this path. Not sure if that makes sense. Like infidelity is the end result of a number of stupid choices that could begin with becoming friends on Facebook, or just swapping numbers, or just having that one sneaky coffee after work or whatever. So if you choose to forgive him I would suggest talking about all the things that happened between this woman and your DH that made things escalate, and how each one of those choices got him here.

    It sounds to me personally like he got out of his depth and quickly. He's got a hell of making it up to do - first of all deleting that app and all her contacts. I hope you're feeling ok.

  8. #25
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    Sorry for the double post but I can't edit for some reason. I realise he's done this sort of thing before and I didn't mean to minimise this into some kind of he's clumsy and doesn't know what he's doing. But I feel like *in this case* he needed you to stop him, which is why it might be worth discussing all the other choices he makes repeatedly that gets himself there.

    That's if you decide to forgive him. Either way, it's a slimy slimerson that does this with a pregnant wife. My opinion only x

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    He is now texting me telling me how unfair it is that he has been misunderstood and the woman is offering to talk to me to let me know that they didn't plan on sleeping with each other!!

    He told me his morning he ended it with her and now he's still talking to her and trying to guilt trip me and push me into a corner. F*cking dog he is. Who the hell have i married!!! Why does he need to do this now when I am about to go into fricken labor. I have told him i wont let him near our son and the baby until he has gone to see a psychologist.

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    I think he probably has already slept with her if not he will. You need to tell him to stop contact now and have full access to his phone and computer. It sounds very dodgy and it needs to stop.

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    OP I am so sorry you are going through all of this stress so close to giving birth.....

    I don't have any advice but wanted to say that I would definitely be as angry and upset as you, especially given the timing (not that I think it's appropriate behaviour at any time). Sounds like your husband continues to make excuses as to why he is the victim here.

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    If my partner wanted to go see a female friend, thats fine. BUT if he felt the need to hide it all from me, thats when I would get mad. I don't think you're overreacting at all. I think you have actually handled it a lot better than I would've.

    mother to a beautiful baby boy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    He is now texting me telling me how unfair it is that he has been misunderstood and the woman is offering to talk to me to let me know that they didn't plan on sleeping with each other!!

    He told me his morning he ended it with her and now he's still talking to her and trying to guilt trip me and push me into a corner. F*cking dog he is. Who the hell have i married!!! Why does he need to do this now when I am about to go into fricken labor. I have told him i wont let him near our son and the baby until he has gone to see a psychologist.
    I would not reply to his messages and work on getting yourself focused to talk to the hospital social worker (most have them). If you keep getting messages, turn your phone off as it'll only upset you more and you don't need that. The social worker should be able to point you in the right direction for local services in your area.

    I'm so sorry this is happening. If I was close by I would help. Xx

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