My DH has a past of acting inappropriately with women online. I thought we had over come it.
He has been talking to me a lot lately about some woman he has been chatting to online. He at first led me to believe she is a long time friend from Hi5, he knows her life story about her husband dying and that she has 2 children. He would act all excited when he'd talk about her. I found it odd that he was suddenly constantly talking about this random woman who i had never heard about before. But i trusted him and just tried to stay focused on the fact i could give birth any day now and had a traumatic birth last time, so trying to stay strong.
Today his behavior was odd. He was making a lot of trips to the shops for insignificant things. He wouldn't once take our DS with him who loves going to the shops with his dad... these quick trips would turn into long trips though, and he'd come back telling me he has to go to a different store.
His behavior was odd... not himself. He would at times act overly chatty with me, overly nice... complimenting me. I just knew something was odd but i was trying to not read into it as I was having a rough day with braxton hicks and DS was being temperamental.
He randomly today tells me his female friend told him about an application where you can send free text messages to people and make free calls... I asked him if he was using that app with her, and he said no not at all.
He asks me tonight to wax his chest and stomach for him for the first time ever. I did it, as much as I was too tired to do so. He talked about her throughout the waxing... about how cool she is.
He showed me a pic of her.... i never asked to see it, he just showed me. She's older than us - apparently 45 - we're 33. She apparently likes younger men she old my DH and has a 26 year old on the go currently.
I get out of the shower tonight and DH is as usual messaging away on his phone, I asked him if he is talking to her again and if he talks to her day and night. He said no not at all, but he was sheepish. He then started complimenting my hair... clearly to change the subject. The he suddenly tells me if i am not comfortable with him talking to her to let him know and he'll stop it instantly. I told him that i am a bit unsure about it because of his past record, and also that i know he'd be funny with me chatting to a random man. I asked him to please not bring any drama into our relationship as I have been through enough lately with falling out with my toxic mother again, being pregnant etc. He told me he wouldn't do that. I asked him if he is sure she isn't wanting more, he said at first he thinks she did but she now respects his marriage and just wants to be friends.
I then asked him if she has asked to meet up with him, he told me she has... i was shocked and I asked him if he plans to and he said he isn't sure and thinking about it. I then let him know that i find that very strange and asked how long has he chatted to her and he told me 2 weeks ... i told him that doesn't seem normal to me. His behavior was very dodgy, i then asked to see his phone and his messages between them both. He looked very worried. He handed me his phone... was very hesitant. In the messages i could see that he had been trying to call her and her him all through the day, and his trips out to the shops were all at the times he was calling her. And he had made a doc's appointment for tomorrow, and set a time to meet her for a coffee at 9.45. She was asking him if he plans to tell me they are meeting up, he did say "yes but not sure when" and now the only reason why i know tonight is because i got it out of him.
All day he has been going behind my back calling this woman. If i didn't bring her up, he had put himself to bed so was going to no doubt meet her and 'maybe' tell me later.
He is being so **** now as well. Denying he has done anything sneaky. Trying to tell me he felt he couldn't tell me about him calling her and all that because id freak out. I am actually a really bloody tolerant person! He always tells me i am as well, in fact HE is the one that shows disapproval if i talk to guys... even male friends he gets funny with.
I have been so upset about this.... i have no idea if he plans to sleep with her or not but of course he completely denies that is his plans. But he chats to her very sweetly...
I feel he has put this random woman before me. I feel manipulated, lied to... i feel his behavior has been very cunning and deceitful.
I just went in and checked his phone and he hasn't even told her to leave him alone, he messaged her saying "my wife thinks we wants to have sex and she wont hear me out." and she wrote "Oh no... so are we still meeting up?"
and he hasn't replied.
So much for 'ending it if i have a problem with it" like he initially said he would.
Am i really being unreasonable? I am at the point where i don't want him at the birth of our daughter now and i want to leave him. I am so upset I am shaking. Am i over reacting?? Help please..