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  1. #61
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    DH and I both work full time and have 6 kids.
    DS16y, DS13y, DS12+DS12, DS10 and DD9.
    We were out for our anniversary the end of February when, with a few drinks under my belt, I said I always thought we'd have one more. DH, completely sober as he doesn't drink, floored me when he said he always wanted another one after our DD was born.

    I had been feeling I wanted another one for the past 7years and although I mentioned it jokingly, I really wanted another.

    Already having 6 kids, working full time and having studied for a few years meant I was so busy with life that I didn't realise how quick the time had gone.

    If DH had said no, I would of been upset.
    I love him too much to resent him. I love my "now" family too much to miss what I don't have.
    If you are yearning for that next baby and you don't get to have it, it will cause more issues. If you convince your DH to have another baby and he really doesn't want one, it will cause more issues.

    I have no golden answer.

    FWIW, we are TTC#7 😁

  2. #62
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    Yes I agree if something major had changed, then that is different. But if it was just because he doesn't feel like it, then that would upset me. I can see why people would change their minds, often we don't realise just how hard being a parent is and raising a family - heck when I was young I thought I was going to have 8! Now I think I'm mad for having 4 Even though personally haven't been the in the situation - I know women who yearned for a baby or another baby and didn't have one - and it really affects them for life. You know what I mean? I think that is sad.


    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    I think comes down to how you discuss it. I think you should be allowed to change your mind with good reason. Say you've agreed to have 3 children. 5-6 years later when you've got 2 children and it's becoming time to try for #3, life could be very different from when you made that original agreement.

    I can't quite remember OP's story - so this is completely hypothetical, but if you had a very good reason for not wanting the original agreed number - change in finances, it took multiple rounds of IVf and $$$$$$, other child has a disability, you find 2 children full on enough and really don't think you can handle 3 etc, then I think the game plan does need to discussed and re-evaluated. This goes for anyone, man or woman.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to beebs For This Useful Post:

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  4. #63
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    Looking forward to reading this thread when I get a chance.

  5. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    I think comes down to how you discuss it. I think you should be allowed to change your mind with good reason. Say you've agreed to have 3 children. 5-6 years later when you've got 2 children and it's becoming time to try for #3, life could be very different from when you made that original agreement.

    I can't quite remember OP's story - so this is completely hypothetical, but if you had a very good reason for not wanting the original agreed number - change in finances, it took multiple rounds of IVf and $$$$$$, other child has a disability, you find 2 children full on enough and really don't think you can handle 3 etc, then I think the game plan does need to discussed and re-evaluated. This goes for anyone, man or woman.
    Completely agree. People change their minds every day. Would i be "refusing" my DH another child, if, after having DD I decided one was enough for me? Do I need a major life changing "excuse"? For some people, they're done when they're done and it's as simple as that. It's such an inherently personal thing I don't think you can begrudge a partner for not wanting more, or for changing their mind. That said, if you're wanting another child that badly that you can't let it go, then some tough decisions need to be made.

    But then, could your partner forgive you for "denying" him your wedding vows/intimate partnership because you are adamant you want more children, regardless of his wishes?

  6. #65
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    My husband married me for me.

    I got my tubes done during my c section with DS. I now regret it. Im SCREAMING for another baby. Im having my tubes reversed and then it will go from there. He asked me, how will we know when we are done. 3, 4, 5, 6 or a bus? I said I don't know. He just laughed and said oh ****! Well here we go! He said he wants me to sign a clause for no feeding at night and nappies though 😂😂 I said fine. I know he wouldn't ever not help. Ds is 1- and he does all night feeds. He does al childcare preparing. I would say I'm pretty bloody lazy 😳

    I don't want a baby yet I want to go back to study and work but I want the option there! I guess? If anyone dismissed my dreams/wants/needs. I would leave. But then I feel you have 6 children I think I read so I would be satisfied and I feel your husband isn't being greedy. I feel yes how would he go and buy beer or have a little bit of freedom. Kids aren't cheap. You need bigger house etc! Maybe he's thinking long term. And maybe he wants to spend time with YOU. Not pregnant you. I hope that makes sense?

  7. #66
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    I'm really struggling with this again right now. All of my closest friends are pregnant at the moment, every single one of them. I try not to feel jealous and I am genuinely happy for them, I just can't hold back that yearning for a second bub. I feel so resentful and almost panicked about this all the time, but all DP cares about is maintaining his lifestyle and being able to spend money on himself. He says we can't afford to have two, but he's completely blind to his spending habits. Sorry for the pity party, just really having a hard time with this right now and feeling a bit lost about what to do.

  8. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post

    then I feel you have 6 children I think I read so I would be satisfied and I feel your husband isn't being greedy. I feel yes how would he go and buy beer or have a little bit of freedom. Kids aren't cheap. You need bigger house etc! Maybe he's thinking long term. And maybe he wants to spend time with YOU. Not pregnant you. I hope that makes sense?
    The OP has 3 and is wanting a 4th.

  9. #68
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    Im in the opposite position to you. Me being the one that doesnt want more kids and DP wanting another which would make it baby 3. Although i kind of think i do want another child but its more that i dont. He tells me every day we should try for another and every day i tell him the same thing. We have 2 kids, we are struggling as it is, we would need to get a 4 bedroom house eventually etc. All factors that cost money, more than what we can afford. I do feel very heart broken that i cant give him what he desires right now. He says at least we have 2, its better than none.

    At the end of the day though we feel at peace with what we have but the conversation still comes up.

  10. #69
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    You know what is funny, I am pining for #4 - my children are 6, 4 and 15 months and I cannot stop thinking/talking about wanting another. I know that it will impact us financially as we will need to upgrade our health insurance as I need to go private, I will need t upsize the car (and we stupidly sold lots of stuff thinking we were done and dusted). I also know it will be hard to juggle the day to day things at least initially and give all kids enough time. I know I will become more incontinent lol. The heart wants what it wants but all these factors make me anxious. My husband supports my crazy desire and says that if I wait another couple of years so I can work for a bit then he is on board if I want it. But sometimes I wish he would say no...because I know without a fourth life would be simpler and easier and we could enjoy holidays and no financial stress as I could work too. But would I resent him if he said no? Probably...

  11. #70
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    I don't think I could. Really.


 

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