+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 8 FirstFirst ... 34567 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 74
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    5,005
    Thanks
    1,052
    Thanked
    3,524
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Saw this in the Age today:http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and...201-3llg2.html Cannot believe this woman.... if my husband said anything to our son along the lines of "awww, and mummy says she doesn't want any more but look how much he loves you" as an attempt to "persuade" me I would be so hurt and angry. Its a tough one, but from the sounds of it her husband is not going to change her mind so she has a choice to make. She has said she would not divorce him to give her a child a half-sibling (good decision in my view!) so may have to come to terms with an only child. It would be hard of course, but its not like he said he would have two and then changed his mind. That would be a lot worse (in my view - and I say that as someone who did exactly that to my husband).

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I think this is probably one of the hardest topics in marriage as there is no right and wrong and someone always has to 'lose'. For me it would depend on how many you already had and what the agreement was in the beginning.

    We very early on agreed on 3 children. After DS was born he was a very full on child and DH said 2 is enough. When he was 3 I cried to DH I felt this empty space and without any pressure he said ok, let's have a 3rd. After a long time, I'm finally pg with our 3rd. But if I said to him I want a 4th (I most certainly don't , it's him that wants the 4th) and he said no, I'd respect that. Yes it would hurt, probably a lot. Had he said no more after one child..... well I'm genuinely not sure where that would have taken us.

    If you guys had one child I could understand your angst much more. But you have 3. I'm totally not meaning to minimise your feelings but he has given you 3 beautiful kids. I think you need to meet him half way here.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    7,865
    Thanks
    5,072
    Thanked
    4,449
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/4/15100 Posts in a week
    Marriage is all about compromise and if you desperately want another and he desperately doesn't, something has to give.

    You already have 2 kids, is splitting from your DH best for them? No, do you love him still? If yes perhaps you're the one to compromise.

    You could split up and move on but what if you don't meet someone else for a long time? What if you couldn't end up having a third? You might have ruined your relationship for nothing.

    Just some food for thought....

  4. #44
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Marriage is all about compromise and if you desperately want another and he desperately doesn't, something has to give.

    You already have 2 kids, is splitting from your DH best for them? No, do you love him still? If yes perhaps you're the one to compromise.

    You could split up and move on but what if you don't meet someone else for a long time? What if you couldn't end up having a third? You might have ruined your relationship for nothing.

    Just some food for thought....
    She has 3 already.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Bayside Brisbane
    Posts
    7,027
    Thanks
    1,230
    Thanked
    1,959
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I feel very similarly to you about being a mum. It is my life, all I care about. I work, part time, because I have to to make ends meet, but if I could stay home with my kids and do nothing but raise them I would.
    I have 3 children, and my heart desperately wants a 4th, but my head knows for us, in our situation, it isn't sensible. My heart is you, my head is your husband.

    MY husband, is happy to go along with whatever I want. You see, like you, I do all the parenting and am a selfless, happy mother. I enjoy my kids, they don't stress me out, each child has brought nothing to our family but joy. So he has no reason to say no.... but it probably helps that I'm working. He doesn't feel like he's got that sole responsibility of providing for the family on his shoulders. That might be a part of it.

    Honestly some days, I kind of wish my husband would straight out say "no". That way, I could get myself over it and move one! Hah. If he's said no to 2 or 3 though..... I would have really struggles with that decision.

    I really think the best thing for you here is to REALLY think about his reasons, hard, and see where he's coming from.

    Good luck working all this out hon, I know what it's like to have the tiny image of a baby you dont yet have tugging on your heart day in and day out. Why do they do that! Also... please keep in mind just how very lucky you are to have the 3 that you have. Some families desperately want 1 child. Your husband has given you 3. Cuddle them tight, love them, let them be enough for you. You've got more than some people will ever have.

    I did also want to point out, those women who are saying that they don't want another and their husband does, it is a little different. While both parents obviously need to want a baby, a man conceding to another child that his partner has to carry, give birth to, breastfeed and be the primary carer for (if that's the way your family works) is completely different to a Man asking his partner to do so if she doesn't want to. Unfortunate for both, frustrating for both, upsetting for both... but not quite the same thing none the less.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    21,654
    Thanks
    15,094
    Thanked
    11,267
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 5/2/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 31/10/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 24/10/14Busiest Member of the Week
    Quote Originally Posted by L0ve3 View Post
    Well the title really explans it all, if you were in a situation where you desperately desired for another child, you had tried to move on and felt you couldn't, your whole being just longed to extend your family and your husband outright refused to give you another child, what would that do to you?
    Could you really say that you could move on and be ok with that? Would it ruin your marriage? If you had originally agreed on a number and he backed up would that make you hurt and angry? How would you overcome it? I'm really in need of some advice because I'm sick of asking, begging and pleading with my husband for another child all for him to come up with the same things, too much money, effort etc.. I understand these are all real legit reasons to consider before having another child but could you also deny your partner something that meant that much to them either?
    I don't believe my need for another child could ever out weigh my husband need to to have another.and his level of coping.

    I would never punish my precious child by on purpose giving them a dad that didn't want them or feel he had the necessary ability to deal with them. That would be cruel.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    2,882
    Thanks
    351
    Thanked
    1,438
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I sometimes think I would like another child but DH wants to stop at 3 and because I can never make up my mind I don't think I will ever resent him for it. When my Mum met my Dad he was in the process of getting a divorce and already had 3 children (my brothers and sister) and after they had me he told her flat out he wanted no more children and even now 33 years later she still holds some resentment towards him and brings it up every once in awhile.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    in the heart :)
    Posts
    1,902
    Thanks
    290
    Thanked
    504
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Could you forgive your husband for refusing you a child?

    Quote Originally Posted by L0ve3 View Post
    We have 3 kids, so this would be our 4th. He says he thinks if we had another he wouldn't be able to buy beer and go fishing.. I'm not a selfish person, infact he has admitted himself I'm a very selfless mother who would do anything for her kids. I am the primary carer, I work my butt off at home, the house is always immaculate, meals cooked, washing always done. We had agreed on 4 after our 1st, not before we had children. It has only since having the 3rd that he has been like this. We saw a counsellor together regards to it, she made it clear she couldn't make the decision for us but can only help us see each others views. He admitted when seeing her that he could easily give me another child, and that it's not about not wanting another one just worries about money. I know he wants me to just get over it and go off to work in 2016 when our youngest starts Kindy but it's just not going to be like that. At this rate with how my depression is going because of this issue I won't be in any state to work. Being a mum was my only desire in life, I wanted a large family and he knew all this when we got together. I just sort of wonder how he would feel if I said to him no you can't go fishing ever again, that would destroy him.. well the same thing is happening to me because of this. I get flat and upset and he asks me why? It's the same thing every time but he doesn't seem to understand what this means to me. This has been going on for 2.5 years now. I feel like we've gotten nowhere during that time...

    Seems as though you would be better off tackling your depression before making any decisions, rather than having a baby and hoping it makes your depression go away. Food for thought.

    Edited to add - it seems as though his biggest issue is being a sole breadwinner and supporting the family. I am currently the main breadwinner, and it can be very stressful. When you are responsible for paying all the bills and keeping a roof over everyone's head, it can be hard work and a heavy load to carry on your shoulders! As well as also sharing the parental and household responsibilities. And when you are working to support a family, you do need your recreation time or you will burn out. If his biggest issue with a fourth baby is wondering how he will manage to cope supporting you all, can you compromise and get a casual/part time job? Work for 12 months as you will also be eligible for maternity leave when the time comes for a fourth.
    Last edited by Super Trooper; 02-12-2014 at 11:30.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Super Trooper For This Useful Post:

    heplusme  (02-12-2014)

  10. #49
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    572
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked
    582
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    ^^^I agree with the above, as harsh as it might sound. I think you really need to ask yourself WHY you want another child. Having another baby isn't a simple decision for everyone and I can understand the reasons behind why your husband doesn't want it. I'm sorry that it's devistating for you, but maybe counselling will help you think more clearly or make a decision that's right for you. To be honest, I don't think this is worth throwing your marriage away for. You have three kids this will affect, please be careful and really think about how you want to approach this.

  11. #50
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Deception Bay
    Posts
    62
    Thanks
    43
    Thanked
    27
    Reviews
    0
    I went through this exact thing only last month. DH said no more after 3. The only responses he would give were it would be too hectic. Mind he doesn't work he sits on his computer all day pretty much. I am the main breadwinner in the house and i see no issues having a fourth. We went to counselling and i told him flat out i wanted a crack at another boy. 4 is my ultimate last number. And i told him that if he denied me i would undoubtedly need ALOT more counselling to work through the grief. He could not understand why i would grieve over something that doesn't exist but i just told him the idea of a fourth baby exists and thats what i will grieve over. SO we agreed to try in 2016 hugs OP


 
+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 8 FirstFirst ... 34567 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. I had a surgical termination and can not forgive myself.
    By VampireCircus in forum Terminations
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 07-12-2013, 13:13
  2. How to forgive someone?
    By bubbles89 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 19-11-2013, 22:55

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
WaterWipes
Give your babies bottom a gift this Xmas! They are the only wipe made using just water and a drop of grapefruit seed extract and may help avoid nappy rash. Check out the great reviews on bubhub and see our website for more info and availability.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Sarah Tooke Childbirth & Parenting Education
Providing private, personalised antenatal childbirth & parenting education to expectant parents in the comfort of their own home. Sessions are flexible, including everything that hospital based programs cover. Click to find out more!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!