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  1. #11
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    Yes. I don't see it as anything to "forgive". He hasn't actually done anything wrong - just has different feelings and desires than you.

    I don't want a second and my DH does. It's been so hard for him and of course I have felt bad, but ultimately I need to do what's right for me, our DS and our family unit. And having a second would not be good for us, as it's just something I don't want (and would end up doing vast majority of parenting as he works long hours and we have no family here).

    We have talked through it a lot but I have certainly never begged forgiveness. And he would never leave me for the sake of a hypothetical second child. He loves me and DS more than that.

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  3. #12
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    I wouldn't leave my DP/DH as a result of my feelings, especially if there were other children but I would be resentful.

    Hopefully you've planted that seed in his mind and by giving him so space he might grow to the idea.

  4. #13
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    I do think it would be much harder if the one wanting the other child would be the primary carer and the one doing all the hard work (which isn't the case for me).

  5. #14
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    I will probably have to go through the same acceptance process.

    I'm currently pregnant with #2. We both come from family with 3 children and we agreed on having 3 children ourselves before getting married.

    DH has started back tracking since #1's birth. Now he is half jokingly telling me to enjoy this pregnancy as it will be my last.

    It breaks my heart but I know I should listen to him and enjoy it like my last anyway as you'd never know what future has in store for you...
    I might feel complete with 2... If not, I'll find a way to accept it as I wouldn't want to impose a 3d on DH if it's not wanted. It's such a big commitment for life.
    I also believe it could break a family.

    So yes I'd "forgive" my husband.

    Good luck OP.

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    kw123  (06-11-2014)

  7. #15
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    I am going through something similar. I desperately want a third and until recently DH said a flat out no more. I was so upset and angry as he would not even discuss it/keep an open mind. I don't know about 'forgiveness' but I certainly feel disconnected and I am really upset that apparently we have such different priorities in life (based on other things that were said).

  8. #16
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    I know each couple is different and this is just my personal view, but from the perspective of the one who doesn't want another, being told to "keep an open mind" and to frequently discuss it is pretty horrendous. Why can't the other party be open minded about keeping the family as it is? And in our case "discussing" it was just him trying to convince me and me listing all the reasons I didn't want one... Not very productive. Best thing we ever did was agree not to talk about it for 6 months. After that time I still felt the same and he was more at peace with it which is fantastic. We are both happy with the decision for now and have agreed to talk about it again in another 12 months.

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  10. #17
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    I'm in the same situation. We currently have 2 and our youngest is 4 and I just don't feel like our family is complete whereas Dh is adamant that we are done, he is too old, we can't afford another child, can't fit another child in our house etc. I think one of his reasons was that when our youngest starts school he wanted me to go back to work, but it now looks like we will be moving somewhere that I won't have work opportunities so I'm hoping once we get there I'll be able to convince him, and if not then I've decided to just let it be, I don't think I can pine for a child that I don't get to have when our little family is pretty perfect.

    I also had an ectopic pregnancy almost 3 years ago and I freaked out when I first found out I was pregnant but was pretty sad when that pregnancy was removed.

    Oh and everyone thinks I only want a third because I have 2 girls but quite honestly I'd be happy if I had another girl.
    Last edited by Rodeobull; 06-11-2014 at 07:30.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rodeobull View Post
    I'm in the same situation. We currently have 2 and our youngest is 4 and I just don't feel like our family is complete whereas Dh is adamant that we are done, he is too old, we can't afford another child, can't fit another child in our house etc. I think one of his reasons was that when our youngest starts school he wanted me to go back to work, but it now looks like we will be moving somewhere that I won't have work opportunities so I'm hoping once we get there I'll be able to convince him, and if not then I've decided to just let it be, I don't think I can pine for a child that I don't get to have when our little family is pretty perfect.
    This happened to us. We moved across the country when I had gone back to work after our second and I made a deal we'd try for a third and if I wasn't pregnant before we left Melbourne I wouldn't pursue a 3rd.

    I was 5 months pregnant by the time we moved.

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    I know each couple is different and this is just my personal view, but from the perspective of the one who doesn't want another, being told to "keep an open mind" and to frequently discuss it is pretty horrendous. Why can't the other party be open minded about keeping the family as it is? And in our case "discussing" it was just him trying to convince me and me listing all the reasons I didn't want one... Not very productive. Best thing we ever did was agree not to talk about it for 6 months. After that time I still felt the same and he was more at peace with it which is fantastic. We are both happy with the decision for now and have agreed to talk about it again in another 12 months.
    Oh I agree with you, that must be awful to have to talk about it all the time. Basically I just wanted my DH to keep an open mind until we discussed it further when I had finished my degree. Obviously I had to keep an open mind as I wouldn't force him to have another child (if that's even possible). We ended up agreeing to discuss it with a counsellor when the time was right so as we both felt heard. I think it's such a difficult situation as someone 'loses'.

  13. #20
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    I want a third child. DH did not, I told him and we spoke about it and I told him my ideal time frame and we agreed we would re visit again in 6 months. I never raised it again in that time.

    If he had decided against it, I would have grieved and moved on. What we have already means more to me than another child.

    I guess that is what you have to decide, what means more to you?

    I don't think it is fair at all for someone to agree to have a baby just for someone else, I would be worried they would end up resenting me.

    Good luck OP x

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