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  1. #1
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    Default Could you forgive your husband for refusing you a child?

    Well the title really explans it all, if you were in a situation where you desperately desired for another child, you had tried to move on and felt you couldn't, your whole being just longed to extend your family and your husband outright refused to give you another child, what would that do to you?
    Could you really say that you could move on and be ok with that? Would it ruin your marriage? If you had originally agreed on a number and he backed up would that make you hurt and angry? How would you overcome it? I'm really in need of some advice because I'm sick of asking, begging and pleading with my husband for another child all for him to come up with the same things, too much money, effort etc.. I understand these are all real legit reasons to consider before having another child but could you also deny your partner something that meant that much to them either?

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    In reality I would likely grow to resent them. But on the flip side perhaps he doesn't want one as much as you do, so by giving in to you he would be denying himself how he feels. In terms of moving forward its tricky, I know I'd feel resentful, I'd feel disconnected possibly if I allowed the need to consume me, I have this argument with myself a lot, emotionally id love a third baby but there is not way we can afford one so I have an internal struggle constantly about what to do. But I am coming to terms with it now and finding new joys in the children I do have. Good luck with it all its a tough one

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    I can't share any wisdom but am in a similar situation OP.
    My DP is happy with one and doesn't want more largely because of money, but I want 2. We haven't really come to a head over it yet, that's a battle we're bound to have soon tho, not looking forward to it!

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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Id honestly weigh up what meant more to me. The partner i have or a child that doesnt exist yet.

    If it was the child, then i'd leave.

    *hugs*

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    I think it depends on how many children you have. If it's one and you want a second I would have trouble moving on. If you had 4 and wanted 5 you should move on and accept his decision.

    Easy for me, I'm a solo parent, so I get to decide the number

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    Hugs OP, I know exactly how you feel. I haven't given up yet though. I have decided not to mention anything baby related to him for 6-12 months (as hard as it's going to be) as our circumstances are going to change next year and the things that he is worried about (financial stress) won't be there anymore. He knows how I feel so in giving him time I hope he will come around to having 1 more.

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    I don't know.

    On the one hand - I can see it would be very difficult to get over those feelings and just move forward with life. But on the other, is it worth breaking your
    family up over? I think you need to remind yourself that he is (most likely) not deliberately setting out to hurt you, he is just being honest about his feelings. That honesty is important IMO, and I don't think it's true that in every case you just add an extra child in and everyone will be happy again in the end. One extra child can bring a lot of additional stress and logistically makes life trickier. He may just want a simpler life, and there is nothing wrong with that.

    i guess I am/will be somewhat in his shoes. Dh and I have 2 children, with plans for a third. Dh said the other day that he would be up for 4 in the future, whereas I know that will never happen. I will never want 4 kids. Never ever ever. Nothing he could say will change my opinion on that. I wouldn't think it is fair for him to hassle/beg me to have a child I definitely do not want to have.

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    I'm not sure. We only have DD at the moment, but DH is set on only 2 children, while I feel as though one more isn't enough for me. He knows how I feel but still stands firm on only 2.

    I know that after we have our second baby I might change my tune, but I'd really love more than 2 kids. However, our plan is for me to stay home with the kids at least until they're all in school, so I need to consider that extra children is extra pressure on him financially. If I got my way but DH was resentful that he had to work harder because I pressured him into more children, I don't think I'd be happy with it myself. If we have more kids it will be because we are both in agreement.

    Still, I think I'd still always be sad & longing for the other babies I never got to have.

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    How many do you have now? We have 2 and I am 99% sure I don't want more. DH would like a third but he also understands how hard it would be on me so respects my decision to stop. If he's adamant that he's done, I think you need to find a way to accept that. I wouldn't want the family I already have to fall apart over a hypothetical child.

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    I don't know. I am done with 2: it's hard work and three would tip me over the edge.

    I have to say though if my hubby kept pestering me for a third I would let him have it. What's more important: him wanting another kid or my mental health/the well being of our current family? If he still wouldn't let up I would tell him to get help to get over it and if he couldn't he would have to chose as I am not budging.

    Do you have employment outside the home? Or is your identity defined mainly by being a mother?

    Sorry it didn't really answer your question. I don't think there will be any happiness unless you talk it through, get counsellIng, full understand each other's views etc.

    Good luck


 

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