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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Freaking Out Over Lack Of Choice

    I am having a bit of a freak out and need some help. I am 17wks pregnant and I am having to make a decision about where I am going to give birth within the next week. I had a home birth with my first baby and it was amazing. I would love nothing more than to do it again this time. Unfortunately I don't think we can afford it this time. We have no birth center or funded home birth program and this leaves me with the sole option of the local hospital. My local hospital has a very divided reputation so I have no idea what to expect. In addition to that half the women I have talked to who have given birth there have ended up with a C-section and this is quite a large group over the years as I work in daycare and worked closely with many families (plus all my co-workers getting pregnant). The story is always the same, labour stalls in the transfer so they have drugs to speed it up and end up in surgery.

    I don't judge the birth choices of others but as someone who's ideal birth is in my home I want to avoid surgery at all costs. Also, my only personal experience with the maternity section of the hospital was when I went in for medical management of my missed miscarriage. I had to insist on medication over d&c, argue about whether I could ingest it as opposed to inserting it then later on argue with a midwife over her getting a pot to catch the placenta for the doctor to test. She didn't believe I knew the difference between small clots equal to af or a whole placenta. I find it hard to trust someone who treats me like I am dumb and cant put any trust in me.

    So I guess in addition to venting on my complete lack of options I am needing any tips or advice on how to approach this so that I have the best chance at being interfered with as little as possible. I have massive issues with the idea of strange people being near my private parts so that will be struggle enough, having said strange people touch me unnecessarily may just cause me to lose it and ruin everything. Help?
    Last edited by Tildy; 02-11-2014 at 22:24. Reason: additional information

  2. #2
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Hi Tidly I'm a fellow homebirther (DS2) and my daughter was born at home unassisted. I can relate to a lot of what you have said! I will just list a couple of options I can think of

    *Payment plan with independent midwife.
    *Planned unassisted birth at home.
    *Your local hospital with a firm simple list of birth preferences and a doula if you are comfortable having one.

    At the moment I am planning a hospital birth with a firm list of birth preferences and my fiance in attendance, I am very confident in his ability to stand up for me this time around (he wasn't so educated or aware the first time). I too am very much a private birther so will be limiting attendees to bare minimum. My hospital are very well aware of my previous birth history and the outcome and seem to be invested in my well being both emotionally and physically. If I did not feel safe I would not be using them!

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  4. #3
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Also try asking the maternity ward about contact with their social worker, I have found her a huge advocate for my emotional wellbeing

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    Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have started writing up a bit of a birth preferences sheet and I am looking into the possibility of a doula for support. Unfortunately my DP would never go for the idea of an unassisted birth. He doesn't fully understand why I have any issues about the hospital. Any tips for a good birth plan?

  6. #5
    AdornedWithCats's Avatar
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    I would ring some private midwives and ask re. payment plans and options personally.

    Not all hospitals births are bad; you're experienced so its more likely to go smoothly and could labour at home as long as possible. I will see if I can find my hospital birth plan from ds (I had a hb but had a plan just in case we needed to transfer).

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    Birth Plan
    Name:
    Due Date: 
    Support people: partner/father midwives

    Philosophy: Natural, drug-free birth

    Labour & Birth

    Environment: Quiet, dim lights, music as desired

    active labour:
    free to move as desired
    birth pool & shower
    bean bag/fit ball massage
    Calmbirth as prompted by father
    Photography
    Food & drink offered

    Monitoring:
    No foetal monitoring
    No vaginal/cervix examinations

    Pain Relief:
    Natural methods only
    Do not offer drugs

    Delivery:
    Spontaneous rupture of membranes
    No episiotomy
    Touch baby’s head when crowning
    See with mirror

    Immediately after delivery:
    Birth mother & father to ‘catch’ baby,
    place on mother’s chest
    Father to check & announce gender of baby

    Umbilical cord:
    Lotus Birth
    Placenta to be kept/remain with mother
    Physiological third stage – no injection
    Baby to remain with parent’s at all times

      In the event of a caesarean:

    Partner/father and midwife to be present
    Screen lowered at delivery
    Photos
    All other preferences as above (baby immediately placed on mother’s chest, baby to remain with parents at all times, father to announce gender)  

    Baby Care
    Permission from parents before any procedure
    Breastfeeding/milk only
    No artificial feeds
    No vitamin K
    No Hepatitis B vaccination
    No Newborn Screening test (heel prick)
    No test for jaundice


    Notes:
    i didnt want a lotus birth but was listed to avoid any confusion as to the definition of 'delayed' (did delayed cord clamping)

    Same with heel prick test (ds had it).

    Keep it to dot points so that it gets read. As short as possible too.

    Had an A4 sign of baby care to put on crib in case bub is in nursery (so there is no confusion as to your choices when you are not there - ie. Someone many think bub has 'missed' the hep B shot rather than parents refusing). Birth plans dont get read after the birth.

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    Last edited by AdornedWithCats; 01-01-2015 at 22:57.

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    We only actually have one private midwife in my area and she will let us pay it off till her last visit (6 week check after birth) which we did with DD. I am only working part time this time around which is causing all the difficulties. We also have to get a bigger car to fit everyone. DD is only 17mnths so was not expecting this quite so soon. Thanks for the birth plan sample. It has given me some good ideas to work with. We are looking into one last attempt to get some money together so I have my fingers crossed but I am trying to come to terms with other options as well.

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    Fx you can get the money together! I do think having a doula would be a good idea if you plan a hospital birth.

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  12. #9
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    Doula! Not that I have any experience with them but sounds like it will be the only thing that will give you peace of mind under the circumstances FYI my public hosp was great, they don't give u a c section unless they have to and also happy to respect your choices re drugs, etc. I had GD & was induced and wanted all the drugs but still avoided a c section.

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    No one can make you do anything. If you labour stalls, move around, drop into a squat and rock your hips, nipple stimulation, kiss your partner (oxytocin is released during kissing and stimulates contractions). You CAN say NO! To any of the doctors or midwives at the hospital. Hire a Doula and get her to support you through your labour and she will help you talk to the staff at the hospital


 

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