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  1. #1
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    Default 8 year old to be a big sister. Might be trouble!

    Hi!

    I have an 8 1/2 year old, who until she was 5, had me all to herself as I was a single Mum. However, we met and I married a lovely man, and we've just found out that we are expecting. My daughter will be incredibly excited when we tell her, because she's been begging for a brother or sister pretty much since the first date, but I'm a little concerned about longer term re jealousy and acting out because she's a spirited, often demanding, little love at the best of times!

    Any advice?

  2. #2
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    She sounds similar in personality to my oldest (although mine was younger when number 2 came along).

    I involved dd1 as much as possible from early on. She came to scans, appointments, we talked about the baby, we even let her pick her sister names. When buying things for baby, we let dd1 pick things too so she felt like she was contributing. When bub arrived, dd1 was the first person to meet her and I made sure I wasn't holding bub when dd1 came in. We let dd1 cuddle baby a lot, and she helped with feeds, bath time and nappy changes. If she didnt want to that was ok, but if she did we tried not to say no. If I was feeding bub and dd1 wanted attention I got her to bring a book or something over and we read it together.

    Did the same for all our kids when there was a new sibling on the way.

    We have been lucky and had no jealousy with any of ours. Not sure whether its because they have been so involved from the start so they havent felt like they are missing out, or whether its just been pure luck but I certainly think what we have done hasnt hurt.

    ETA- another thing we did after bubs arrival was make sure visitors etc gave the older ones attention too. Sometimes it came down to me putting bub in our room for a bit, or if the visitors were hell bent on seeing the baby, either dh or I played with the older ones so they didnt feel like all the attention was on the baby.

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    Last edited by SheWarrior; 02-11-2014 at 13:35.

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    We have 5.5 years between our two. DD was very much used to having both of us all to herself. She is a pretty full-on personality, high evergy and needs lots of attention.

    I have a little sister 6 years younger than me and can clearly remember being jealous of all the attention she got (she was uber-cute!) and suddenly feeling invisible. I know my mum tried hard to not let me feel that way, I just have clear memories of people pushing me aside to get a better look at the cute baby in the pram.

    So I've been really aware of this and not wanting to repeat the situation. DH started working away earlier this year and when he's away (3 weeks at a time) I do find it really hard to keep up with her high demands for attention while keeping a toddler out of trouble. So my advice would be to make your partner aware of your concerns as it will be your combined effort that will help your daughter to not feel overlooked once the baby comes.

    I love the age gap and DD being so independent. It is easy, with a little baby/child in the house again, to forget that the eldest is still just a child too though. I'd advise to take care that in getting her to 'help' with the intent to involve her that you don't accidently over-burden her with responsibilities or expect her to pre-empt hazards etc. I find I've done this a bit and have to reel things back and remind myself that DD is still my baby too.

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    Sounds like my dss (8 years old) although his dad and I have been together since he was 1. We were worried he'd be jealous and act up etc. the reality is he is so in love with his little brother, would give anything to him when he used to be very selfish and not want to share anything. It's been a great change in our house

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    Quote Originally Posted by KyzaV View Post
    Sounds like my dss (8 years old) although his dad and I have been together since he was 1. We were worried he'd be jealous and act up etc. the reality is he is so in love with his little brother, would give anything to him when he used to be very selfish and not want to share anything. It's been a great change in our house
    This is a good point. Your eldest being 2 years older than my DD was when DS came along, they should be more open to being generous. Now DD is getting a bit older she is finally starting to 'get' the joy of giving and now goes through her toys and books looking for any that she can give to her brother.

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    DSD is 9 and our DD is 10 weeks, in the beginning DSD was very jealous of DD especially when DP was nursing DD however the time DSD has spent with DD they have really bonded. DSD is very territorial over DD, if a cousin is nursing her DSD will say "I haven't held her for a while" this goes on until she finally gets her turn.. if DD is on the floor DSD makes sure she is closest to her.. DSD gave DD a bottle yesterday its was beautiful she sat there and sang to her while feeding. It was gorgeous.

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