The thing is that there is our perception which is the reality we live, and there is 'neutral' reality that everyone else sees.
For OP his perception is his reality and based on this he seems very unhappy. It doesn't matter if perhaps he's not being completely fair or reasonable through anyone else's eyes - as long as this is the reality that he sees as his life, then the relationship is dysfunctional.
OP I applaud you for your commitment to your son. This doesn't mean sacrificing your own happiness and well being long term.
I hope you come back to this thread, and I just want to say only you know in your heart what you want to do - but staying purely out of obligation is not the right option for anyone in your family.
Who knows what the story is, we are only hearing one side - and I bet the Girlfriends version would differ greatly. Doesn't mean he shouldn't get support though, that is all he was after wasn't it? Although - it does seem a little dodgy when one person makes another person out to be terrible and doesn't take any responsibility. But other than that - trying to prove he is lying or whatever doesn't seem helpful at all.
comments like these made in this thread is why i avoid posting for advice...
I applaud the OP for asking for advice esp being male in a forum of women... shows to me you are a man who is thinking of his family first.. good on you... I hope that things sort themselves out ... Your son is very lucky to have you as his dad..
Best of luck
Pretty sure you can apply for family tax benefit on behalf of your family. It doesnt have to be your partner who does
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Wow. Just wow.
OP, I hope things work out for you. You sound like you're doing your best.
Whether the OP has been put under more scrutiny than a female OP I"m not sure. I recall one thread years ago where a member commented that her husband wanted her back at work once the kids were all in school whereas she just wanted to chill and enjoy her garden. She was pretty much hung drawn and quartered.
OP it seems like there are two separate issues here;
1) Your perception of your partner not pulling her weight around the house
2) Your financial issues
How easy or hard your baby is really has no bearing on the financial issues. If you need your partner to work to make ends meet that is it full stop. As much as she might want to be a SAHM, if you are unable to meet your financial obligations then she has to contribute.
Your perceptions of what she does or does not do at home is another issue. In my mind, the term is stay at home Mum, not stay at home Maid. If all she does is survive the day (without having the house in squalor) with the baby then that might be all she is able to do. You guys might need to work out a system where you are both happy i.e. you take the baby for an hour while she cooks then swap the next night etc.
We can't answer whether you should or should not stay in the relationship, but if you are unhappy then life is too short IMO
Good luck OP
I haven't read all the posts, from this last page it looks as though the thread is headed in a nasty direction anyway.
OP, is it possible she has post natal depression? Maybe she appears lazy, but she is really just not coping and overwhelmed? Even if you think she has it easy, if she has post natal depression it would feel to her like she is doing a lot, if that makes sense? I suggest this because it seems odd that she wouldn't at least apply for benefits, that complete lack of motivation may suggest underlying depression.
Maybe she doesn't want to work, maybe she does in fact love being a mum and being home with your child, hell I'd love to quit work and be a stay at home mum (I can't, I pay the mortgage and I'm the main breadwinner lol), but those first few years are so precious and they go so fast! Can you offer a compromise? Propose cutting costs where you can, eg does she go to the hairdresser? I spend $150-200 every visit, even just for a cut its around $50 for a lady these days (ridiculous I know!), but my point is perhaps you don't "tell" her she has to work, but suggest that on a single income you can't afford the luxuries (ie hair), if she wants those things she will have to go back to work. Point out how stressed you are paying for the basics, without patronising her and suggesting that she isn't stressed (8 month olds are hard work!). And don't have this conversation when you are stressed and angry, pick a time when you can both sit down and talk like rational adults.
At the end of the day it depends if you both want to make it work or not. Good luck.
I meant it seems odd to me when one party just completely lays all the blame on the other party and makes it out like it is completely their fault 100% - I would say that about anyone on bubhub regardless of gender.
I know a guy who just tore shreds off his wife when they split up -actually they split up 2 years ago and he still goes on and on about it on Facebook. Facebook is weapon of choice and if you believed everything he said, then she was a wicked, mean troll and he was just a loving father who put up with all her horrible behaviour for years. I felt really uncomfortable with the things he was saying, I've know them both since they were teenagers and it just didn't seem add up. I found out later that he cheated on her and that is why they split up, of course he wasn't going to mention that on social media.
I still think he should be given support and a place to vent though. And I agree it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
If she isn't helping financially - I don't understand why she wouldn't apply for FTB or as a PP suggested forgo luxuries in order to survive (which most SAHPs have to do anyway).
Re the lazy stuff, could very well be PND - or it could be laziness, it's really hard to know. Either way, if it is making you stressed then you need to talk it over with your other half and try and reach and agreement.
Last edited by beebs; 02-11-2014 at 14:05.
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