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  1. #71
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    While it's ok to point out possible bad behavior you have to admit you can't be sure. Yes it may sound suss but there is also a chance that its not. Maybe he is controlling and not offering his partner the support she needs but on the flip side it's also possible that this girl found her life at a dead end and looked for a way out, some people have been accused of getting pregnant so they can receive free support from the government, it's also possible she saw a guy with potential for success and a good heart, decided to stop the pill get pregnant and become a stay at home mom knowing he will always stick around to care for them, and no matter what happens now that theu have a child she got a hold on him OP did mention the girl said if he wanted anything to do with the child he had to come back from Brisbane.

    I don't think that story is any less likely that that OP is a controlling partner who like to toot his own horn.

    There are lots of sahm who have also suffered PND, it sounds like this woman has a lot of support, even with a controlling partner I don't see why she can't make dinner once a week....on one of the two days she is baby free.

    Plus OP said he overheard her saying 'im in no rush to get back to work we are getting by'

    Theres something to be said about that.

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  3. #72
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    He sounds controlling - well I'd say going off birth control without discussion, telling Op she's not moving and he has to stay if he wants to see them = both pretty controlling.

    He's venting / seeking validation - so are stacks of threads on here and they're not bombarded with the same level of scrutiny and ridicule. Even the most whingy, whiny and sooky ones!

    She might have / does have PND - yup and she also might be a lazy conniving manipulator who wanted her meal ticket and made damn sure she got it

    He might be full of cr@p - yup he might be. And might not be.

    We never get 2 sides of the story on here. I'm not sure why we expect different from this thread.

    If this thread is accurate Op you first need to decide if you love her. If not, then walk away but love and care for your child.

    If yes, then communicate about wants, needs, expectations and future plans together calmly and in an environment that allows for openness. If they don't match or there can't be compromise then you have your answer.

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  5. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by KyzaV View Post
    If it was a mother complaining about a father would you all expect every single detail? Tell her there's something sus and say he shouldn't have to go to work? Maybe they want to bond with the baby too
    I was thinking exactly the same! If he had come on saying he was a woman and his partner was a stay at home dad and then said everything he has said I'm sure a lot of the 'cut her some slack' responses would've been different!

    OP you need to sit down with your gf and discuss all of the things you have concerns about. Also be aware that maybe she is feeling overwhelmed and be ready to hear her say some things about you are also lacking. This sort of conversation can't be a one way street. If she isn't willing to sit and talk with you but you still want to make it work then I suggest finding a counsellor that you can both talk to who can mediate and be a neutral 3rd party. If she does say anything negative about the way you've been acting or how she's been feeling about the way you've behaved then please don't brush her off. Validate that she has the right to feel overwhelmed and please don't react badly or you will shut down any hope of communication. If she wants to vent a bit then let her without trying to fix it and then approach your concerns gently without putting everything on her. (No 'you need...' 'If you don't.....' statements)

    If you honestly want a relationship with this girl then keep trying, if you don't then you need to leave - for the sake of your child. Kids pick up on negative atmospheres very quickly, especially if you are still reproachful about how she got pregnant. You really don't want the child knowing they were a 'trick'.

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  7. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post

    My point was that I think a lot of the negative replies have been because he is a male. If a woman posted the OP, no one would demand more information, no one would feel sorry for the man in the situation. They'd tell her to leave.
    Completely agree here.
    This poor bloke has come looking for advice and some of you have gone straight for the throat. Stop tooting your own horns and being all high and mighty, if u have no advice or anything helpful to say then back off. It's not right for you people getting your backs up about it to judge so harshly when he was only asking for advice.

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    I do agree if the OP was female, everyone would get behind her and say get rid of him, he's a loser etc.

    Personally I see both sides here. I believe she should be helping financially, even if only with CL and I do think she should be doing more around the house. He sounds very negative of her and I think he minimises how hard staying at home is.

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  11. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimmyN View Post
    Completely agree here.
    This poor bloke has come looking for advice and some of you have gone straight for the throat. Stop tooting your own horns and being all high and mighty, if u have no advice or anything helpful to say then back off. It's not right for you people getting your backs up about it to judge so harshly when he was only asking for advice.
    As I said, I do agree his gender may have swayed responses. But by the same token generally, women get honest answers on here and often complain of feeling judged when they were only looking for support. So I certainly don't think we let women off on the forum just because they are women. I've seen lots ripped to sheds.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    I think you're being a bit harsh. He doesn't need to give every detail. If someone on here posted that their DH was out of work, bills were piling up, their DH didn't do anything around the house despite having 2 days a week with bub being looked after by a relative... everyone would saying that he needs to get off his lazy bum and get a job.

    OP, it may be that your GF is overwhelmed or still suffering from PND. When I was struggling with PND, filling out a form was beyond me. Simple things become very difficult when you have depression. However, you know her better than anyone on here so if you are confident that it's not depression then I think it's fair to be annoyed by her behaviour. I think you need to sit down with her and approach it carefully - maybe say that you need to go through a budget together as things are getting a bit too tight. Approach it as something you need to work through together rather than "you need to get a job" if that makes sense.

    Obviously you're still a little bitter about her not taking the pill, but what's done is done and you didn't take any precautions either so you need to accept some of the responsibility.

    Counselling would be worthwhile, it sounds like you guys struggle to communicate on these issues.
    I agree with the first paragraph. Hubby would be getting slammed for being lazy and jobless if it was reversed.

    It isn't difficult to keep the house tidy and cook as well as looking after a child. Sounds like the ops partner was deceitful from the start as well as being pure lazy and he has every right to be feeling the way he does.

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    And this is why BH is dominated by women...

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    How sexist is this thread?

    Op I hope you get the support you need. I appologize on behalf of this forum that you didn't always receive the respectful, kind answers that you should have received. I hope your situation improves soon.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    As I said, I do agree his gender may have swayed responses. But by the same token generally, women get honest answers on here and often complain of feeling judged when they were only looking for support. So I certainly don't think we let women off on the forum just because they are women. I've seen lots ripped to sheds.
    I'm not saying that women get let off on here. It seems if u have a different view to someone else you are slammed for it. But that's a different thing.
    Reading the comments on here a lot seem to be aimed at this man being controlling. I don't read that. I read he's at his wits end and doesn't know what to do. He seems to have been slammed by so many women on here who believe he's the one at fault.

    Delirium - I'm not meaning to sound rude at you if it comes across that way.

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