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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    Yep!
    It seems that only the women have a right to get frustrated on bh
    And abused. If a woman came and said that to me I'd think it was emotional manipulation at least with a little bit of financial on the side. -_-

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    "My boyfriend poked holes in the condoms we use so that we would get pregnant. I asked him and he admitted to it. Ever since I got pregnant he quit work. We're really struggling financially and I'm the main breadwinner. I've asked him to get a job or apply for centerlink and he just won't. He had depression but was seeing someone for it and was okay after a few months. I come home from work and cook and clean. My father watches the baby for 2 days a week so he can get out and do his own thing but right now we're struggling to even put food on the table. I'm thinking of leaving him but I'm worried I won't get to see my child anymore which is why I've stayed. What should I do!?"

    And que everyone telling her her husband is a lazy basted and she should leave him.
    I get what you're trying to prove but this pancake has been presented way too flat. There are enough red flags in here for me to be concerned about what the gf would say if she was posting something. What would people be saying to the gf? Would the words controlling, lack of empathy and gas lighting be thrown around? People would probably tell the GF to leave the OP...

  3. #63
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    It's possible. I've read a fair few pancake threads. I've even read one where once the pancake was flipped physical abuse against a woman's husband was condoned.

    My point was that I think a lot of the negative replies have been because he is a male. If a woman posted the OP, no one would demand more information, no one would feel sorry for the man in the situation. They'd tell her to leave.

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  5. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    It's possible. I've read a fair few pancake threads. I've even read one where once the pancake was flipped physical abuse against a woman's husband was condoned.

    My point was that I think a lot of the negative replies have been because he is a male. If a woman posted the OP, no one would demand more information, no one would feel sorry for the man in the situation. They'd tell her to leave.
    My stance has nothing to do with the OP being male. I put female posters through the wringer too if I think there is more to the story.

  6. #65
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    I don't think OP will come back.. I think some people on here are tooting their own horns more than the op was to begin with.

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  8. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    My stance has nothing to do with the OP being male. I put female posters through the wringer too if I think there is more to the story.
    Is it really your place to put someone through the wringer? OP asked for advice, not to be bullied or harassed and told he's sus and making accusations. I think there would be much nicer ways to express what you're saying. I know for a fact I don't come here for advice because of the way a very small group of people can make you feel like a piece of sh*#!

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  10. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by KyzaV View Post
    Is it really your place to put someone through the wringer? OP asked for advice, not to be bullied or harassed and told he's sus and making accusations. I think there would be much nicer ways to express what you're saying. I know for a fact I don't come here for advice because of the way a very small group of people can make you feel like a piece of sh*#!
    When there are red flags and I believe someone's behavior may be controlling and damaging to someone else then yeah... If someone asks for opinions then well I will give them. Don't post for advice and opinions in an online forum if you're not willing to look in the mirror at least some of the time. I will not rubber stamp potentially bad behavior just because it's someone on BH seeking to have their feelings stroked under the thinly veiled notion of seeking advice.

  11. #68
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    That's fine, you obviously won't ever change, and I wouldn't expect that, but be prepared for people to call you out for being a ***** when you're being one. I'd like to see you express your views to people like this in person

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  13. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by KyzaV View Post
    That's fine, you obviously won't ever change, and I wouldn't expect that, but be prepared for people to call you out for being a ***** when you're being one. I'd like to see you express your views to people like this in person
    Does that mean people can call you out for what they think about your behavior on this thread? Nah, I will stop now.

  14. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I found the ops insistance that his GF sign the forms and work in his families pub business a little controlling/worrying.
    I saw this as helpful.
    If she wasn't going to look for a job then there's one ready for her there if she wants it.
    Two sides to very pancake you say, how do we know that the hours available were only night time. Maybe being family she would be given easier daytime shifts?
    It's only controlling if he forced her to take the position, which he didn't.

    I think the OP is having a vent more than anything, like we all do in here.
    If he came in here proclaiming to know how she felt and gave her side of the pancake then he'd be accused of all sorts too.
    He can't win.

    I understand his frustration all too well having seen this kind of thing before.
    While I won't assume to know what's going on with her I will say that it must have been hard to only have known each other a few months before they got pregnant. The OP said there were some problems to begin with before the pregnancy and he stuck around to try do the right thing.
    Many, many other young men wouldn't.

    If you were my son @Tommy86, I'd put aside these minor issues and ask you if you loved her and could see yourselves building on a future, possibly with more children?
    If yes, then this is a hiccup. There will be many more to come because no long term relationship goes the distance without the ups and downs.
    If you love each other it's really worth working them through and growing together.

    If you have no love there anymore, then I'd advise you to leave when the time is right. Nothing good will come of staying with some one you don't love.
    Obviously you need to do this with respect and as kindly as possible.
    If you're leaving because you don't love her anymore then she needs to know that, don't blame it on all the little things she's not doing be used they're temporary.
    She's still the mother of your child and you need to keep the relationship amicable, even if that means you cop a lot of hassle for ending the relationship.

    Anyway, just my thoughts.
    We haven't heard back from you so maybe none of our comments are relevant any more?
    best of luck either way

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