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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noty View Post
    Personally I found looking after my first baby pretty easy at 8 months. He slept through the night and had a couple of good day sleeps each day so I managed to clean the house (not spotless), do exercise, cook dinner each day and even spend (probably too much) time on the internet/TV. Now don't get me wrong it was a different story once he was on the move and I found 9-18 months really hard and I now have 2 kids, the youngest is 13 months and my house is a pigsty and I've gone back to work part-time and find work days easier!

    Every baby is different of course and I never had PND but what I'm trying to get at is that if the OP has said his baby is an easy baby we shouldn't automatically assume he's not a nice guy for expecting his partner to do some housework or cook a meal. It might just be my interpretation and sorry if I'm wrong but I get the vibe from some posters that because he's a guy and/or the working parent that he must be a .... (not sure which word to use here). I just wanted to provide another view point for the OP that I don't think it's unreasonable for him to expect his GF to do a bit around the house while he is at work (I'm assuming the PND is under control and he asks nicely).

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    I agree with this completely, to me he comes across as a bloke who was trying to do the right thing, maybe the PND could be part of the problem and he needs to sit down and talk to her calmly about the expectations they both have.

    Maybe if she doesn't want to talk ask her to write down her expectations and feelings

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  3. #42
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    I'm guessing that you're both pretty young & maybe your gf thinks being on Centrelink means being on the 'dole' but there are family tax benefit (FTB) payments made specifically for families in your situation. It's financial assistance by the government for families who may not earn enough income while having their families. You really really need to get FTB payments sorted out. It can be used to help feed your family while your wage pays the bills. That's what it's for...even middle class, older families take advantage of it if they can! (it's income tested)😉

  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noty View Post
    Personally I found looking after my first baby pretty easy at 8 months. He slept through the night and had a couple of good day sleeps each day so I managed to clean the house (not spotless), do exercise, cook dinner each day and even spend (probably too much) time on the internet/TV. Now don't get me wrong it was a different story once he was on the move and I found 9-18 months really hard and I now have 2 kids, the youngest is 13 months and my house is a pigsty and I've gone back to work part-time and find work days easier!

    Every baby is different of course and I never had PND but what I'm trying to get at is that if the OP has said his baby is an easy baby we shouldn't automatically assume he's not a nice guy for expecting his partner to do some housework or cook a meal. It might just be my interpretation and sorry if I'm wrong but I get the vibe from some posters that because he's a guy and/or the working parent that he must be a .... (not sure which word to use here). I just wanted to provide another view point for the OP that I don't think it's unreasonable for him to expect his GF to do a bit around the house while he is at work (I'm assuming the PND is under control and he asks nicely).

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    For me it's got nothing to do with the fact that he is a guy or the working parent. Something is off with this. Perhaps the ability to toot his own horn so greatly while having a complete inability to put himself in his partners shoes. Or the providing of limited information which only appears to support his position. My radar (which is usually pretty accurate) is going off right now.

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    For me it's got nothing to do with the fact that he is a guy or the working parent. Something is off with this. Perhaps the ability to toot his own horn so greatly while having a complete inability to put himself in his partners shoes. Or the providing of limited information which only appears to support his position. My radar (which is usually pretty accurate) is going off right now.
    I think you're being a bit harsh. He doesn't need to give every detail. If someone on here posted that their DH was out of work, bills were piling up, their DH didn't do anything around the house despite having 2 days a week with bub being looked after by a relative... everyone would saying that he needs to get off his lazy bum and get a job.

    OP, it may be that your GF is overwhelmed or still suffering from PND. When I was struggling with PND, filling out a form was beyond me. Simple things become very difficult when you have depression. However, you know her better than anyone on here so if you are confident that it's not depression then I think it's fair to be annoyed by her behaviour. I think you need to sit down with her and approach it carefully - maybe say that you need to go through a budget together as things are getting a bit too tight. Approach it as something you need to work through together rather than "you need to get a job" if that makes sense.

    Obviously you're still a little bitter about her not taking the pill, but what's done is done and you didn't take any precautions either so you need to accept some of the responsibility.

    Counselling would be worthwhile, it sounds like you guys struggle to communicate on these issues.

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  7. #45
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    @VicPark I didn't get that vibe at all. To me he gave as much info as most posters do and I didn't think he was blowing his own horn. We all interpret these threads differently though and there is nothing wrong with your thinking of course. I just wanted to let the OP see another viewpoint.

    As for the $1100 per week expenses, didn't the OP say he lives in Sydney? Isn't it really expensive. I don't live in Sydney but half of that probably goes on rent, no? Regardless of what their expenses are I think the GF should be contributing financially if it is needed. I also agree with PP that getting a cheaper rental property could be a good option.

    I don't want to sound insensitive and I haven't specifically had PND but if she is so depressed that she can't fill in some forms or visit/call centrelink is it even safe for her to be at home alone with the baby? (Genuine thought) Either she is really ill or doesn't understand the financial situation or possibly she just doesn't want to work (rightfully or wrongly) as the OP suspects?

    Financial stress is one of the main reasons for relationship breakdowns so it's not surprising he is feeling this way.

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  9. #46
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    I haven't read all the post (to be honest I was getting annoyed with some of the responses).
    I don't care how little she does around the house or if you understand what she actually does, it doesn't matter how/where/when he was conceived, there are financial issues and she's not even willing to even get centrelink, poor form! Yes she might have PND, I also suffered from PND, but I don't think that is an excuse for not getting financial help, yes she may not be right to go back to work yet but she's not even willing to help by signing a form.
    OP I can't and won't tell you what you should do but I feel some of you are forgetting this was NOT just about her getting a job, OP was happy for her to be on centrelink also.

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  11. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by KyzaV View Post
    not even willing to help by signing a form.
    .
    I found the ops insistance that his GF sign the forms and work in his families pub business a little controlling/worrying. Bar hours aren't always bub friendly and perhaps with her PND the gf really doesn't want to deal with drunks.

    The OP might have more luck if he talks through the financial concerns with his gf, getting an agreement from her to do some work (even part time to start), and then seeking her opinions on where she wants to work (people usually respond better when they have a say over their own lives instead of having something dictated to them).

  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I found the ops insistance that his GF sign the forms and work in his families pub business a little controlling/worrying. Bar hours aren't always bub friendly and perhaps with her PND the gf really doesn't want to deal with drunks.

    The OP might have more luck if he talks through the financial concerns with his gf, getting an agreement from her to do some work (even part time to start), and then seeking her opinions on where she wants to work (people usually respond better when they have a say over their own lives instead of having something dictated to them).
    ...I agree with you, however I am talking about the centrelink forms. There is NO reason not to get payments from the government to help her family out!
    He has talked to her, he says he has mentioned either a) getting a job OR b) going on centrelink.

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  14. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    It is not possible IMO to be the primary carer of an 8 month old and be lazy. You do not get a happy, healthy, content and 'easy' baby (as you describe him) unless someone has done a bloody great job at parenting them!
    He hasn't made any comments about her parenting ability! He's talking about her lack of housework, cooking and desire to relieve the financial stress.

    Also, I strongly disagree with your opinion that you can't have a content baby without great parenting. I know lazy, mediocre parents that have good babies and I know plenty of spectacular parents that have babies with higher demands.

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  16. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I found the ops insistance that his GF sign the forms and work in his families pub business a little controlling/worrying. Bar hours aren't always bub friendly and perhaps with her PND the gf really doesn't want to deal with drunks.

    The OP might have more luck if he talks through the financial concerns with his gf, getting an agreement from her to do some work (even part time to start), and then seeking her opinions on where she wants to work (people usually respond better when they have a say over their own lives instead of having something dictated to them).
    It didn't read like that to me - it sounds like she was willing to do the RSA course which would suggest she's keen to take the job, but then when it came down to it she didn't want to do it. According to the OP, she's got a personal loan to pay off so she needs to take some responsibility and find a way to start paying that herself. That might be with a job or she could get the centre link payments sorted out. If she's struggling emotionally the OP can help her get that sorted (which it sounds like he's happy to do).

    I had horrible PND when I had my first baby so I know what it's like, but it sounds to me like she's just not willing to face her financial responsibilities.

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