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  1. #31
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    Her sister told me she had stopped taking her pill and I asked her herself and she also told me. I wasn't happy about it at all but I wanted to be a part of my babies life so I looked past it.


    Buggered the quote. But the GF admitted to stopping taking her pill. Why is it still an accusation if he asks and she admits to it?

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Her sister told me she had stopped taking her pill and I asked her herself and she also told me. I wasn't happy about it at all but I wanted to be a part of my babies life so I looked past it.


    Buggered the quote. But the GF admitted to stopping taking her pill. Why is it still an accusation if he asks and she admits to it?
    Because my BS radar is going off about this whole thing... There is no context around how this was discovered... How did the sister find out? Did the gf say something like she had stopped taking the pill (after falling pregnant) and this got totally misinterpreted? Did she say she accidentally forgot a pill or she forgot that you weren't supposed to take antibiotics while on the pill and this got misinterpreted? What did the gf say about it all when she got sprung?

    I am getting a creepy vibe from this whole thing.

  4. #33
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    The family tax bonus is easy to apply for and they'll back pay you from when bub was born. It is a significant help and you only need to apply once (not fortnightly like youth allowance, there are no extra forms). It's ridiculous to pass it up, especially if you're struggling and she doesn't want gainful employment (I'm a house wife and we're low income, so I'm not anti house wife or anything).
    Resolve the financial stuff and then decide if you want to stay in a relationship with her. Things may improve when there's more money coming in and you're less stressed

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  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Because my BS radar is going off about this whole thing... There is no context around how this was discovered... How did the sister find out? Did the gf say something like she had stopped taking the pill (after falling pregnant) and this got totally misinterpreted? Did she say she accidentally forgot a pill or she forgot that you weren't supposed to take antibiotics while on the pill and this got misinterpreted? What did the gf say about it all when she got sprung?

    I am getting a creepy vibe from this whole thing.
    Perhaps I'm too hopeful for the human race as a whole but doubt when being asked if you deliberately stopped taking the pill to get pregnant that conversation would leave any room for misinterpretation. I would hope no one is that stupid.

    And if she stopped work as soon as she found out she's pregnant then I can believe that she did it on purpose. Slightly too convenient Imo.

    Eta: and if they're struggling for money and she refuses to apply for centerlink, knowing they're struggling for money and NEED it then I'd have no sympathy for her if OP is hounding her to go back to work. She has two choices. Apply for centerlink or go back to work and she wants to do neither.
    Last edited by Jennaisme; 01-11-2014 at 22:04.

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  8. #35
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    I imagine the PND could be playing a role in her lack of housework and want for a job, maybe you could suggest she goes back to the GP to get on top of it.

    I know my opinion is not that of the majority on the hub, but I do believe the parent that's at home should be taking on a larger role with domestic things. That doesn't mean that the working parent can be a slob and expect to be waited on, though it doesn't sound like you fall in to that category.

    I'm a sahm, but that's because I can be. If we couldn't afford to put food on the table and my dh was feeling resentment, I would be back to work in a heartbeat.

    Finally, good on you for trying to make it work after finding out that she tricked you with contraception.

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  10. #36
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    It is not possible IMO to be the primary carer of an 8 month old and be lazy. You do not get a happy, healthy, content and 'easy' baby (as you describe him) unless someone has done a bloody great job at parenting them! Also I think you need to look into what PND really is and how it affects a person. Perhaps some of the mums on here who have experienced it could explain it to you...? You seem to have an shocking lack of respect for you GF and what she does for your family.

    All that said, it does seem that the complete lack of understanding and empathy you have for the contribution your partner makes does go both ways. She also needs to understand your contribution and support you in your efforts. While you are both on two completely separate pages you will never have a really happy and satisfying relationship.

    So what to do about it..... You need to have a really good talk. You need to try to find out how she is really feeling and why she is not responding to your previous attempts to talk about this. I suspect it's because you approach it with and attitude of "you are lazy and and you need to do xyz". If you approached me this way I would probable stop listening to your point of view and tell you to f@ck off! So I'm not surprised you haven't had much luck! If you just can't have a good conversation then it's time to seek professional help. Relationship counseling and perhaps some financial counseling could really would be a good start. Your GF might be more open to listening to the advice of someone who does not think she is lazy.
    Good luck

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  12. #37
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    Can the OP himself apply for FTB on behalf of the family? Does anyone know? Can centrelink applications be done online? This situation does not sound suss to me. The OP has asked a genuine question. I would go if I were you but I would seek advice first about custody/visitation so you don't lose touch with your child.

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  13. #38
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    Personally I found looking after my first baby pretty easy at 8 months. He slept through the night and had a couple of good day sleeps each day so I managed to clean the house (not spotless), do exercise, cook dinner each day and even spend (probably too much) time on the internet/TV. Now don't get me wrong it was a different story once he was on the move and I found 9-18 months really hard and I now have 2 kids, the youngest is 13 months and my house is a pigsty and I've gone back to work part-time and find work days easier!

    Every baby is different of course and I never had PND but what I'm trying to get at is that if the OP has said his baby is an easy baby we shouldn't automatically assume he's not a nice guy for expecting his partner to do some housework or cook a meal. It might just be my interpretation and sorry if I'm wrong but I get the vibe from some posters that because he's a guy and/or the working parent that he must be a .... (not sure which word to use here). I just wanted to provide another view point for the OP that I don't think it's unreasonable for him to expect his GF to do a bit around the house while he is at work (I'm assuming the PND is under control and he asks nicely).

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  15. #39
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    $1100 a week? Our bills total $1200 a fn and that is everything from 2 car rego'd, Austar, elec, rent etc. can you look into downsizing or getting rid of non-essential things? I understand your frustration if you're under a lot of financial stress, especially if a job is being handed to her. But perhaps her PND is still alive and well and she's struggling? PND is horrible and not an easy thing to overcome, perhaps talk to her about how she's really feeling and why she doesn't want to work?

  16. #40
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    Get some marriage counselling, there are prob things u could both work on in the relationship to have a better chance at working it out. U need independent unbiased advice and we are only hearing one side of this story.
    Also apply for your family tax benefits yourself. They are a family payment so U should be able to do it.


 

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