Good luck OP
Good luck OP
Perhaps ladies with bubs around 8 months could list what they do on a typical day? Might help the OP see if there are 'hidden things' he doesn't realise his girlfriend is doing. Or it could help confirm if she is doing less than the average? (Not necessarily something to jump on if PND is still an issue).
Hi Op, how did your chat go?
So, I have had 3 kids in 3.5 years, I work 3 days per week, then on my days off I take the kids to the gym and swimming and to parks to ride their bikes... go go go kinda girl.
BUT I hate cooking and cleaning right. So if you saw my house, you may call me lazy. Luckily my husband is pretty good and doesn't really complain if I have a messy house or if he has to help out cooking dinner sometimes because I couldn't be bothered. If he did, I would really struggle. If he came home every day and asked what I had done all day on my 2 days off, and then berated me and tried to get me to do more, I'd be mortified and mad, and I WOULD push him away.
I'm guessing your gf just has these things low on her priority list, like me. Yeah she needs to get into it a bit and do a bit more stuff around the house sometimes, but if you're at her every day about it, that's probably why she isn't? Just an idea. I know if my husband came home every day and had a go because my house wasn't clean and I hadn't cooked dinner, I'd make a point of making sure I DIDN'T do it. Haha. Just me.
I would like to say, I applaud you for all you have done for your gf and son, good for you! There are a hell of a lot of men around who would have just buggered off, so you should be really proud of yourself. But if you plan on staying, you need to stop thinking of her as the gf who got pregnant (on purpose or not) with an unplanned (on your part) baby, and start treating her like your life partner and family.
I can understand why she doesn't want to work. I work 3 days a week, and always have. Went back when my first was 7 months, my 2nd was 7 months, and my 3rd was 10 months. It is really friggen tough being a working mum when you don't want to be. All well and good for those that love working, but for those of us who really really want to be with our babies, it really goddam sucks. I feel like I have missed out on so much.
In saying that, it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense that she has not applied for centrelink. No sense at all. I think this is really the only point of your original post, where her stance is silly. I think this needs to be your main point of contention.
I have an 8 month old son.
I'm not a cooker - hate it. I also hate cleaning.
My target for the day is - kitchen clean, dinner made, at least one load of washing folded and put away, lounge room tidy (my DS loves pulling all his toys out)
I work around DS. His toys are pointless putting away until he's asleep.
Realistically something's just don't get done - no baby agrees every day lol.
Just to add - I vacuum every second day but that's essential, we have pets so there is fur.
My number 1 thing that has to be done regardless of DSs moods is washing his bottles.
Last edited by Hasselhoff; 03-11-2014 at 10:57.
DD was a decent sleeper but wasn't an "easy" baby, her first 12 months was full of specialists appointments, physio and feeding issues. Plus at 8 months I was still expressing 4 times a day.
Whilst I didn't have PND I was still suffering PTSD and complete paranoia about germs and was very isolated as a result.
So, OP can take from that what he will..
BTW this post makes it very clear why men don't post regularly at all!! I agree with PPs that the responses would certainly not have gone down the path they did if the roles were reversed.
We rent in Sydney at $600 p/w ( and thats for a 2 bed apartment..i can completely understand and 1100 p/w outgoings especially with car loans, personal loans, household bills etc.
I didnt think the OP was tooting his own horn. It read to me like he is feeling cornered and like this partnership is not 50/50. I dont know what other relationships are like, but if the OPs gf is still suffering from PND surely she would communicate about it with him. Also, if the relationship was equal she would be willing to help support the family by either working/cl/at least discussing the financial situation to come up with a plan.
I might be the only one who discusses these things openly with my DP, who knows.
OP I dont think you should feel like you cannot raise the situation with your gf. It seems that there is a breakdown in communication and perhaps your needs/wants out of life are different. Some people just arnt compatible.
Good luck with your chat.
Subbing. I really hope you are able to come to an understanding with your GF OP.
Last edited by Anjalee; 03-11-2014 at 23:12.
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