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  1. #91
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    OP from your story it sounds like she has both manipulated and deceived you (or you at least feel she has) and you have gone along with it all out of fear of not seeing your child. That is a sad situation. Ppl may bag you out but your feelings are perfectly valid. You are allowed to feel hurt and frustrated by this.

    It's concerning that she refuses to discuss these issues with you at all - you need to find out why she went off the pill and why she refuses to work now. You have unresolved questions and they need to be answered. Perhaps she is overwhelmed looking after your child, perhaps work on top of that is really daunting, perhaps she's too proud for centrelink but you won't know until you force her to actually tell you. And the only way to do that is going to be via an ultimatum. Don't indicate the relationship will end - but perhaps what is going to happen to your assets if things continue as they are. What you might have to sell up or do without. How it's making you feel - that you want counseling either together or by yourself. Perhaps say you need some time to yourself - a week staying at your Dads house maybe, that you're that overwhelmed by all the work you're doing, it's too hard, you need a break. If she wants a break too, suggest you and your dad can look after the baby for a week since he is bottle fed a and she can also have some time to herself and a break.

    If you find cooking and cleaning overwhelming, don't do it. Let it slide for a while. Get everyone to fend for themselves a few days.

    Looking after a baby can be a TONNE of work. But I know how much stress my husband has felt from working/cleaning/toddler/me pregnant, and that's with me working 6 hrs a day 5 days a week. I don't think it's much to ask that she pushes a bit harder to lighten your load, ESPECIALLY if she won't give you a reason why she can't.

    But sadly, if this doesn't work, and if you don't love her I can't see these things carrying you through 20+ years of your child's life. Splitting up may be inevitable. My only comfort to you in that situation is that if you put the effort in, you will still have a good relationship with your child. My parents are divorced, my Dad is FIFO, therefore I have only ever seen him once a month. We are closer than my Mum and I have ever been, and I lived with her every day. He got me a mobile when I was 17 and used to ring me on it and talk all the time. Children aren't dumb. He will love you.

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  3. #92
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    Thank you everyone for all your responses I appreciate all your opinions.
    I have just come home from work now so I will be sitting down with my gf and talking to her about everything and just lay it all out on the table and see how things go from there.
    I'm not 100% sure on how I really feel abouther, I love her because she is the mother of my child but I don't know if I truely love her. In saying that though I think I might be feeling this way because of our financial situation etc and if this were resolved our relationship would be better.
    I guess that's something I need to work out in my head myself.

    Again, thank you all for your comments

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  5. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy86 View Post
    Thank you everyone for all your responses I appreciate all your opinions.
    I have just come home from work now so I will be sitting down with my gf and talking to her about everything and just lay it all out on the table and see how things go from there.
    I'm not 100% sure on how I really feel abouther, I love her because she is the mother of my child but I don't know if I truely love her. In saying that though I think I might be feeling this way because of our financial situation etc and if this were resolved our relationship would be better.
    I guess that's something I need to work out in my head myself.

    Again, thank you all for your comments

    Wishing you the very best....

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  7. #94
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    hope you both can work through it. Sounds like you are trying your best.
    I agree with some of the previous posts, take the gentle approach.
    If you can, maybe take a day off work and both of you can go to centre link together to apply for assistance.
    All the best.

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  9. #95
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    Good luck. Here's a tip I was once told about:

    don't say "you." "You are lazy", "you refuse to get a job and you don't do anything around the house either" "you don't love me." etc

    Use "I" statements. Eg "I am feeling stressed about finances at the moment. I am worried we won't be able to pay the bills. I really need some help." Or
    "When I get home I am tired and get a little upset if I have to spend lots of time doing chores. I feel overwhelmed, stressed and need help. If I am misunderstanding the pressures you are under please tell me. Perhaps there is a compromise we can both reach."

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  11. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    How sexist is this thread?

    Op I hope you get the support you need. I appologize on behalf of this forum that you didn't always receive the respectful, kind answers that you should have received. I hope your situation improves soon.
    I agree, totally sexist. If the roles were reversed you would all call for her to leave him.

    Seems the minute a male comes on here asking for advice, some people get all defensive and stick up for what seems like the very deceitful and lazy girlfriend.

    Can't even fill in a centrelink form? Yep no excuse there. Lazy.

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  13. #97
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    What would we be saying if his gf was venting on here? well we would respond accordingly to what she had to say. We cant assume, so we would give her the benefit of the doubt that what she has posted is truthful just like we should give OP and all posters what they say is actually their side of things. Yes there is always two sides but we can only comment on the side thats been posted on BH- unlesd it is totally blown up and unfair. Maybe he isnt fair in reality but we dont know that.

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  15. #98
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    But isn't it that centerlink FTB is already concluded in the papers from the hospital? I remember I didn't do any extra paperwork except this one and I definitely get tax benefits A and B.

    Now let me clarify some things:
    - She let herself off the pill without you knowing (I heard so many stories like that, and even advice to do so when partner didn't want the child asap),
    - She has some debts from before you knew each other AND you are the one paying it off,
    - You tried to talk about things that you would like to improve and every time she walked away or ignore the subject,
    - baby is still small enough to not be the cause of the mess in the house (by that I mean that with older kids, many times 5 minutes after thorough cleaning no one would believe it actually WAS cleaned )
    - your dad is looking after the baby so your partner can do "her stuff" - I asume it is going out, do some shopping, or window shopping, get coffee, go to the library, basically leisure time at most;

    Also, the PND is not to be taken lightly, even with therapy, few months could look as it is enough, even for her, but can still be insufficient.

    As for the pub work with the family, I see it also as a favour, meaning, she doesn't need to go and look around for job, it is already given to her, many people would be super happy about this, it is a big advantage.

    Well, unless she is willing to hear you out and communicate, no matter how many times you will try to talk to her, and no matter how nicely (psychologically, I mean), things will not improve. Hope it won't be a case, but you need to face also that possibility.
    Last edited by yvona; 02-11-2014 at 20:28.

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  17. #99
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    UGH lazy women bug me, especially those who have everything handed to them and still can't be stuffed.
    If roles were reversed this thread would be full of "man hate" lol.
    Hope she hears you out, sucks it up and starts contributing! Wonder what she'll be like if one day you are stuck living in a hole because your hard earned cash just isn't enough? Bet my bottom dollar she'd pack her bags
    FYI there's plenty time in a day for her to cook, clean AND look for work or contribute in one way or another... Thousands of women manage every single day!

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  19. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by yvona View Post
    ,
    - baby is still small enough to not be the cause of the mess in the house (by that I mean that with older kids, many times 5 minutes after thorough cleaning no one would believe it actually WAS cleaned )
    I have to disagree with this... My 8 month old is causing mess all over the shop... Crawls around tipping toys out of containers...crawls around wiping snot over everything... Spewing on the carpet.... The dining area looks like a bomb has hit it after every.single.meal (he loves playing with his food).

    And if you have a bubba that wants to be held in the 30 minutes before hubby gets home (where you would normally whip out the Dyson) you are screwed.,,

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