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  1. #21
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    I agree with PP hating his job is no excuse to treat you in such an awful manner. He may be depressed and angry and feeling trapped but by treating you like this he is making a crappy situation even worse by sabotaging his home life. If this has been continuous and escalating I would be inclined to say go to your mums sooner rather than later give him a wake up call or give you an escape. You deserve better much better.

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  3. #22
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    Agree with pp I dont think that is how a healthy relationship should be. I would be talking about it or moving out asap (after the party if you need to).

    What would you say and think if your DD was in a relationship like this? You deserve better.

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by bpac View Post
    I wasnt saying it for an excuse, i was just trying to work out what the source of his aggression.
    I was referring to what the op said in her second post, probably should have quoted her.

  6. #24
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    This weekend is only a couple of days away, I would stay for the party and then go to your Mum's for a while. I think he seriously needs a taste of what his life would be like without you. I think you also need a break from him. It sounds like he's worn you down and some
    time without him would really help you get your confidence back to realise you deserve so much better. Good luck!

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  8. #25
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    Hugs to you Op! It's not his job that's the issue- it's his belief system.
    He believes: motherhood is unimportant and has no value, he believes he can talk to you in that way because you are his wife and he can treat you how he sees fit, he believes that the unpaid work you do in the house has no value and should be done as 'he' thinks it should be, he believes he is superior to you, he believes his time is more valuable than yours. He believes it's ok to use a women's menstruation cycle as a weapon and use it in a belittling way, he believes because he 'earns' the money he can dictate at home.

    I'm only taking this from the info in your post so I could be wrong. The thing that needs to change is his belief system then his values might shift. I'm pretty sure he shares these beliefs with other males in his family and that they have gotten worse since the birth f your child (again, only guessing). It's not ok if your dd takes on his beliefs about herself and women in general. Take some time out with your mum after the party. You need some time to breathe xxx
    Last edited by BbBbBh; 30-10-2014 at 12:31.

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  10. #26
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    My ex used to speak to me like this, It was a horribly emotionally abusive relationship. Now Im married to DH and I honestly would never allow someone to speak to me that way its just degrading and horrible. You have every right to feel upset about this and he needs to pull his head in.

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  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by BubblesK View Post
    I can't speak to him, he is never wrong, I am always at fault. He never validates my feelings.
    So sorry that he's like this OP. You deserve better.

    Just remember - he is not your boss! He doesn't get to decide what jobs you have to do. He doesn't have the right to tell you that you're not doing enough. Don't rely on him to validate your efforts because he's angry at himself and nothing you do will ever please him.

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  14. #28
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    Whoa. That is not at all ok. I used to have a selfish exH too.

    That is no way for him to treat someone he loves and he is being a total a$$. I agree with @BbBbBh it's his belief system that is the problem. Something that is very hard to change unfortunately

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  16. #29
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    Your DP sounds like a ****. Work should be split 50-50 when he is home. Maybe you need to start preparing yourself to leave by getting a part time job, daycare etc..

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  18. #30
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    Your hubby is an ***. No way in hell would I stick around to be spoken to like that. I am a SAHM and hubby works full time plus does extra tutoring. As far as he is concerned when he is home he is a father and as such takes over the care of DD while I either have a rest (since I don't get breaks in my work like he does lol) or carry on doing a bit of housework. At weekends dirty nappies are his responsibility, as is feeding. When she was waking at night I did all the resettling during the week and then he would help at weekends or give me a lie in if I had been up with her.

    Regardless of who stays at home and who leaves the home to work, both partners are still working all day and so responsibility needs to be shared when they are both around.

    As for the comments about AF tell him where he can shove it.

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