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  1. #1
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    Default Help! Dh has to go away overnight & I cant settle my baby

    Ok im getting my name down on the list for ellen barron, but before ill be able to go there dh has said he has to go away overnight for work.

    I can barely get ds down during the day so im really really worried about what im going to do that night - dh is the one who always has to put ds down when he gets home from work. Dh also has to do any required resettling overnight as well.

    I dont think ill be able to stay with family or have someone stay over as they all either work shifts or full time & it wouldnt be fair on them to have their sleep disrupted by a screaming baby. Not sure how they would go getting him down anyway, he's never been put down by anyone other than me or dh.

    By the evening he is generally so overtired that he wont even feed to sleep - just starts screaming even more if I offer boob.

    I dont drive & he wont sleep in the carrier (plus he wont transfer)

    By the evenings I usually struggle to get him to even go to sleep in my arms - any tips for doing that? He doesnt transfer but at least he'd be asleep if I had to sit & hold him.

    Im really freaking out about this, I have no clue what im going to do

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  2. #2
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    You can do this!

    Does your child have any difficulties other than difficulty sleeping, ie. reflux, wind?

    Have you tried getting them into a routine so that they don't get over-tired? I know if our little one gets overtired then he won't feed properly, wakes up before next feed and it ends up being a cycle. He's not usually like this though, just last night I noticed it when he didn't have a good afternoon sleep.

    Some people don't like routines and that's fine, but it sounds as though you might benefit from one as they also help with getting out of the house, being able to predict when bubs will be hungry, tired, awake and ready to play.

    Does bub have sleep cues? ie. wrapping, darkening of room, dummy perhaps?

    If bub is having difficulty sleeping then even if a routine and cues are used it may take three days for it to all work (if there aren't any other factors).

    But once again, this is just my point of view and what I've found has worked with all of our children. Take what you will, leave what you will. All the best x.

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    TheGooch  (29-10-2014)

  4. #3
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    Im trying to implement a routine but im finding it hard, hopefully the sleep school will be able to help me with that

    No health issues that im aware of. Everyone keeps saying 'reflux' when they hear about the sleep problems we are having but I really dont think he has it. When he's not overtired he's a happy boy, he feeds well, only a bit of possetting after a feed, doesnt cry in pain very often etc.

    Im so scared that he'll just end up screaming all night/until he cant cry anymore

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  5. #4
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    I agree with @Little Ted . You can do this!
    I've read most of your posts I think, and I can see you're really struggling. Having a bub is easy in some ways but then in others... so much harder than I ever imagined! I feel for you.

    Have you spoken to your Dr about PND? I sense a real feeling of hopelessness and helplessness from your posts. And also a sense of wanting to give up. They seem to end with "i might as well just not bother or give up" a lot of the time. You are doing a good job. You are caring for your bub. This will get easier.

    I also agree with @Little Ted about creating a routine now, before your DH goes away. Practice now while he's there for support but try not to jump to handing bub over to him.

    Try the same techniques your DH uses or maybe try and find your own. What works for DF doesn't work for me and vice versa.

    I also find that the more heightened my anxiety, the less likely bub is to settle. So remember, if you need a break and you're on your own, make bub safe in their cot / bassinet and walk away for 5 minutes. Try some calming techniques to calm and regroup and try again.

    And lastly, this night is going to happen. You will get through it. It may be hard. But you can do it. Even if it's the worst night you can imagine, your bub doesn't settle at all, you will get through it. And if you feel like you can't, there's plenty of people here who can offer advice.

    Also check and see if your state has a 24 hour maternal child health phone line and don't hesitate to call them if you need advice. If you feel like you aren't coping, call lifeline or PANDA (during the day)

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    You have got this. It is hard I know, but it will pass. My husband was also a fabulous hands on dad with ds2 during the newborn stage, and I remember dreading the first time he went away for work (around 4 weeks old) for 3 nights.

    In hindsight I should have accepted my MIL's offer to come over while I showered and cooked dinner for an hour each night (I was still recovering from cesarean). Have you got any family who can offer an hour of respite for dinner time? That way you can refresh and be ready to tackle the night head on.

    Good luck.

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    I don't know your circumstances so don't know if this would be feasible, but I would hire a night nanny for that night. When DS was around that age he was very difficult to settle and I struggled night after night. When I got to the point of exhaustion and literally could not keep going without sleep I hired a night nanny, just for the one night, out of desperation. She was a registered nurse so I felt confident DS would be in good hands, and she'd had experience with reflux (he was a reflux baby) and assured me that she wasn't phased at the prospect of caring for a baby who cried a lot at night.

    Best thing I did. I got a full night's sleep and DS was just fine. Plus when she left she gave me a folder with personalised tips for helping him sleep. I used the company 'night nannies'.

    If you are truly scared of being on your own and coping with a non sleeper that is what I would do. If you can afford it don't be too scared to ask for help.

    Good luck.


 

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