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  1. #1
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    Default Would you tell the mother?

    I hope this isn't too confusing to follow:

    There are 3 preschool boys, lets call them X, Y and Z. X and Y are friends, Z wants to join in and play with X and Y, but X won't let him. X is worried that Z is going to take Y away from him. Now X has started picking on Z when he thinks no one is looking. This morning I saw X grab Z and hurt him, and he was very intimidating. Z is a quiet, shy boy and says nothing, just withdraws into himself. Z has been having trouble with anxiety and not wanting to go to school and I'm worried that the way X has been treating him is contributing to this. I was watching them this morning and X kept coming up to Z and doing little acts of aggression, being out and out mean, and sneaky. Z got quieter and quieter and more and more clingy. Z's mother was there but did not see any of the incidents.

    I really feel concerned for Z. He's not very verbal, and won't speak up if he gets hurt. All he did this morning was say hello, and for that X started on him. These kids are only preschool age, so they all have a lot of growing up to do and I don't want to label X as an aggressive child because he's so young but I am worried that there's the start of bullying happening here. These kids will be at school together for many years and I am worried about Z who is a very sweet, intelligent little boy but not as physically mature as X and an easy target.

    I spoke to the teachers and told them what I saw, and that I've been concerned for a while due to things DS has been telling me. I also told X's mother (that was a difficult conversation, but we are friendly and I thought she needed to know. She was shocked, but quickly said it was all Z's fault. :-( ). Would you mention it to Z's mother too so she can keep an eye out or leave it to the teachers to handle now?

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    I would definitely mention it to Z's mother, if I was the mother I would definitely want to know what was happening to my son. Poor little Z

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    Leave it to the teachers. You don't know how the mother will react to the suggestion that her child is somewhat of a bully.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HarvestMoon View Post
    Leave it to the teachers. You don't know how the mother will react to the suggestion that her child is somewhat of a bully.

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    From what I reas MissMuppet was asking is she should tell the mum of the little boy whobis being bullied?

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    Quote Originally Posted by HarvestMoon View Post
    Leave it to the teachers. You don't know how the mother will react to the suggestion that her child is somewhat of a bully.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    No, its the other way round - I've already told the mother of the child who is acting somewhat like a bully (we are friends). Its the mother of the victim that I'm not sure about telling. (I'm loathe to use bully/victim when they are so young, but am using it here just to make it clear who's who).

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    Also, in this situation my son is Y. I'm not happy with the friendship between DS and X but that's a whole other thread.

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    I think I would appreiciate knowing if there was something going on that involved my child. you said the boy tended to withdraw from the conflict and become more glingy, that could start a pattern for the child being unable to stand up for himself in all future encounters. I would like to know if my child was needing help to handle social interactions. good on you for noticing this and putting it to the attention of the teachers. marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    No, its the other way round - I've already told the mother of the child who is acting somewhat like a bully (we are friends). Its the mother of the victim that I'm not sure about telling. (I'm loathe to use bully/victim when they are so young, but am using it here just to make it clear who's who).
    Oohh... ok. Completely got that back to front. Hmm...I'm still not sure if as parents we should 'intervene' as such. I really don't know what to do in such a scenario. . Maybe you are still better off leaving it to the teachers?

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    I think I would tell Z's mum. If you're friends with X's mum and you've seen him bullying, then I think it's fine to tell your friend what you've seen their son do.

    If DS wants to be friends with Z could you let them nurture this outside of preschool until they both have the confidence to stand up to X? If that's not a possibility I would be telling DS that X shouldn't be bullying and ask if he's the type of friend he would really want. Imagine how DS would feel if he was in Z's position.

    I don't think you're out of line for telling either parents to be honest. I know others have different opinions and I can totally see where they're coming from too.

    Maybe give preschool a week to fix it and if they don't, talk to Z's mum.

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    Thanks everyone. Yeah, that's what I'm battling with - On one hand, if it was my child I'd want to know if another parent had noticed this happening, but on the other hand I feel its something I'm probably meant to leave up to the school and I don't want to be a busybody/troublemaker. I'm just concerned for Z.


 

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