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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't always buy the "I do it for me" argument.

    Why do you want to do it for you? Because you don't want to live with real or perceived social pressures of being less than perfect?

    There has to be a line in the sand.. The "I want to do it for me" argument can't be used for everything. At some point we've got to say it doesn't matter, the message it's sending is not cool... What would you do if your young daughter wanted to look like those kids in the child beauty pageants... Fake teeth, spray tan, hair extensions, false eyelashes, caked on make up, boob tube tops .... And used the "I want to do it to make myself feel better" line? You would call BS because with a child it is sooooooo obvious that they are like sponges taking in the inappropriate expectations of others. It's not so obvious with adults, but it should be.
    I dunno hey - I want to get a tummy tuck for me. My kids never need to know about it. I want it because I feel gross. Im the first to admit I have a low self esteem.

    But then - I also want to exercise, wear make up, drink wine, read a book, wax my muff, shave my legs, wash my hair, surf BH, wear perfume daily... All for me. It's not to give an impression on youngsters or buck to society's pressures. It's really just because I'm quite selfish and that's what I want.

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  3. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't always buy the "I do it for me" argument.

    Why do you want to do it for you? Because you don't want to live with real or perceived social pressures of being less than perfect?

    There has to be a line in the sand.. The "I want to do it for me" argument can't be used for everything. At some point we've got to say it doesn't matter, the message it's sending is not cool... What would you do if your young daughter wanted to look like those kids in the child beauty pageants... Fake teeth, spray tan, hair extensions, false eyelashes, caked on make up, boob tube tops .... And used the "I want to do it to make myself feel better" line? You would call BS because with a child it is sooooooo obvious that they are like sponges taking in the inappropriate expectations of others. It's not so obvious with adults, but it should be.
    Social pressures? What social pressures!? There are millions of people and countless more "social criteria" according to each persons personality. So YES I do things for myself, for what makes ME happy To say I feel "less than perfect" is exactly what this post is about! Why would I perceive myself as less than perfect? Because someone said so? Nah him unique, I'm me and not the making of whatever "social agenda" everyone keeps talking about Guess therein lies the difference. If I want something I'll get it, simple. It has nothing to do with random strangers 'ideals', which mean absolutely bugger all to me!
    Not everything is so trivial nor is it some full on "society makes me feel this way" type of junk. Personally I think women are reading into everything way too much, as usual lol

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  5. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by FartingRainbows View Post
    Social pressures? What social pressures!? There are millions of people and countless more "social criteria" according to each persons personality. So YES I do things for myself, for what makes ME happy To say I feel "less than perfect" is exactly what this post is about! Why would I perceive myself as less than perfect? Because someone said so? Nah him unique, I'm me and not the making of whatever "social agenda" everyone keeps talking about Guess therein lies the difference. If I want something I'll get it, simple. It has nothing to do with random strangers 'ideals', which mean absolutely bugger all to me!
    Not everything is so trivial nor is it some full on "society makes me feel this way" type of junk. Personally I think women are reading into everything way too much, as usual lol
    Agree with everything you said 100%

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  6. #104
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    I kind of agree with both sides. Social pressure has been part of life for too long for anyone to say for sure why they do what they do. I think the two are very intertwined.

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  8. #105
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    Well I resent the implication that having concern for your appearance is not being a good role model to your kids.

    I also think that we humans are a social species and anthropological evidence has shown that we do kinda have a herd mentality.

    Societal pressures come from many different sources about different things. Sure I conform to some of them and others I don't but that's my decision to make not anyone else's.


    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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  10. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by FartingRainbows View Post
    Social pressures? What social pressures!? There are millions of people and countless more "social criteria" according to each persons personality. So YES I do things for myself, for what makes ME happy To say I feel "less than perfect" is exactly what this post is about! Why would I perceive myself as less than perfect? Because someone said so? Nah him unique, I'm me and not the making of whatever "social agenda" everyone keeps talking about Guess therein lies the difference. If I want something I'll get it, simple. It has nothing to do with random strangers 'ideals', which mean absolutely bugger all to me!
    Not everything is so trivial nor is it some full on "society makes me feel this way" type of junk. Personally I think women are reading into everything way too much, as usual lol
    I don't think people are reading too much into it. Unless there are medical reasons if a woman has a boob job that's a very clear message she is sending. She isn't happy with her body. It's when you dig into the reasons for that it becomes more complicated. Yes it is multi faceted however I believe years and years of social conditioning from a very young age is a part of it (ever play with a Barbie doll with a tiny waist and big hooters?)

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  12. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    Well I resent the implication that having concern for your appearance is not being a good role model to your kids.
    Concern in itself doesn't make you a bad role model... Surely you have to agree though that there's a point where it can become problematic? If a mother has a boob job, tummy tuck, nose job, does her hair blonde and is always talking about her physical appearance in front if her daughter (pre-surgery that she's unhappy with it, post surgery that she's happy with it) then that's not healthy for a child. It's continuing the cycle of teaching kids that it's what's on the outside that counts. I've been to a few seminars on eating disorders in teens and one thing that is stressed is from a young age parents shouldn't be focusing on how the body looks in front of their kids. Statements like "look at Jane she lost a lot of weight, she looks sooo awesome" or "my **** looks fat!" all add up in affecting your child's body image. The experts recommend phrasing things in a different way eg "gee jane looks so healthy now, she's more active, that's great."

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  14. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Concern in itself doesn't make you a bad role model... Surely you have to agree though that there's a point where it can become problematic? If a mother has a boob job, tummy tuck, nose job, does her hair blonde and is always talking about her physical appearance in front if her daughter (pre-surgery that she's unhappy with it, post surgery that she's happy with it) then that's not healthy for a child. It's continuing the cycle of teaching kids that it's what's on the outside that counts. I've been to a few seminars on eating disorders in teens and one thing that is stressed is from a young age parents shouldn't be focusing on how the body looks in front of their kids. Statements like "look at Jane she lost a lot of weight, she looks sooo awesome" or "my **** looks fat!" all add up in affecting your child's body image. The experts recommend phrasing things in a different way eg "gee jane looks so healthy now, she's more active, that's great."
    Ok thats fair enough, and I do agree to an extent with what you have said above.
    But....

    What if you are a mum like me- rarely wear make up, don't hate on your body or make negative comments about body shapes etc in front of your kids, encourage your girls to love their bodies (especially dd1 who has been a victim of bullying since the age of 2, to the point at 2.5 she tried starving herself because she was being bullied relentlessly for being fat, the worst bullies were other parents!!). I place no emphasis on my physical appearance nor do I place an emphasis on others physical appearance. Dd1 especially has always been brought up to accept and love her body and understand bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that they are all beautiful.

    Im planning on having a boob job eventually as well as my nose reconstructed (medical reasons). Dd1 knows this, and she doesn't see it as me trying to change my appearance- as far as she is concerned mummy wants to do it so mummy will, just like a tattoo or piercing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Concern in itself doesn't make you a bad role model... Surely you have to agree though that there's a point where it can become problematic? If a mother has a boob job, tummy tuck, nose job, does her hair blonde and is always talking about her physical appearance in front if her daughter (pre-surgery that she's unhappy with it, post surgery that she's happy with it) then that's not healthy for a child. It's continuing the cycle of teaching kids that it's what's on the outside that counts. I've been to a few seminars on eating disorders in teens and one thing that is stressed is from a young age parents shouldn't be focusing on how the body looks in front of their kids. Statements like "look at Jane she lost a lot of weight, she looks sooo awesome" or "my **** looks fat!" all add up in affecting your child's body image. The experts recommend phrasing things in a different way eg "gee jane looks so healthy now, she's more active, that's great."
    I agree but a pp said that even using make up was being a bad role model.

    I use make up, hair colour/style etc for me. And I know I'm a fabulous mum.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  16. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by lil miss View Post
    Im planning on having a boob job eventually as well as my nose reconstructed (medical reasons). Dd1 knows this, and she doesn't see it as me trying to change my appearance- as far as she is concerned mummy wants to do it so mummy will, just like a tattoo or piercing.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Young kids are innocent. And (not saying this is the case with your little one) they will parrot what their parents tell them. Their minds aren't that advanced to be able to identify complex thought patterns such as "mum is having a boob job because she is unhappy with how she looks and after 30 years of being bombarded by media images of skinny women with big perky boobs, she has succumbed to pressure and is having a boob job."

    So while a woman might say she is doing it because she wants to... Add it with the big boobed Barbie doll, the skinny perky figures on Home and Away, the woman's day magazines on display with top ten weight loss tips.... It all leaves an imprint on the young mind.

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