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  1. #61
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    I have to say, I don't think you're making matters any better by throwing your own little party. I would be furious if a relative did that to me. It's his first birthday, his parents have every right to hold his party however they please, it's not your place to make up a second one to suit yourself.

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  3. #62
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    So if you had received a paper invite in the mail a month ago you would have gone?

    I think you should suck it up and go. 1st bdays don't tend to go for long so it's not like it would be an all day thing so plenty of time to still do something's else in the day.

  4. #63
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    Op - you and your DH are doing what's right for your family.
    I still think it's rude to hold a party over a meal time and not provide any refreshments.
    An invitation is not a summons, it's a request. And maybe for the sake of good family relations, we go to things sometimes that we don't want to. But it's not rude to politely decline. Sometimes these decisions have consequences, like the cooling of friendships/relationships. But that's ok too sometimes. If Op's DH wasn't so polite, that's on him, not Op.
    And everyone in my circle of friends always joke that a first birthday is more about parents than children since the 1 year old really has no idea who is there and who isn't. But I don't know about that. My Bub is 1 month old!

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  6. #64
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    Not to keep dragging this out as I appreciate this thread has probably run it's course but when i started this thread I really didn't know DH had already made the decision for us, in fact it had swayed me to make the effort.

    As for the "poor" thing- nope. In fact BIL takes great pleasure in banging on about how financially set up they are as he earns a packet and have already paid off their mortgage and my SIL doesn't have to work.

    In the end though, as VP likes to refer about Dr Phil- his family so he deals with them. I won't be sitting there on the day feeling ashamed, especially as DH won't be. I'm sure they'll have a great time and we will too (elsewhere lol)

    I told him most people in bubhub were outraged that we weren't going and he said "they don't know us or our family, why would you even care what they think". But I was definitely interested!

    Believe me, I'm not this heartless selfish biatch that this thread makes me come across as!

    Thank you again for your responses
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 16-10-2014 at 04:29.

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  8. #65
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    I've been reading along and have been a bit shocked by some of the cattiness tbh. While I do agree it's a situation where you pretty much have to "suck it up" and go, I also understand what it's like to have precious little time on weekends to not be out and about at other peoples events, to have a child that *needs* a proper day sleep and doesn't cope well on a short car-nap, and to feel a bit resentful about not having any time together to just hang and do the things we want to do together as a family.

    That said I guess we would (reluctantly) go and maybe offer to take some cupcakes or something in lieu of a present. We would set boundaries though, we'd stay for an hour-ish and then leave them to enjoy time with their friends, we'd also probably let them know ahead of time that as DD usually sleeps at that time we will only do a short drop in for everyone's sake, so they are aware.

    But I'm guessing that it's not all about the party, and that there are some other family issues/resentments bubbling beneath the surface which caused the OP to not want to go maybe? Which I can relate to also.

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    I understand your point, OP.

    However, think of your nephew.

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    I would go and pack a picnic. This is your nephew's first birthday. I don't see the relevance in food not being provided or a dislike for friends. I don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like you are looking for excuses to not go. Sometimes for family and friends we have to suck it up. Better relationships will flow and hopefully your child will have a great friendship with her cousin. My husband and I can't bear our sil family, but you would never know as we suck it up for the sake of the kids.

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    The birthday boy is turning 1. Is he going to remember who was at his birthday party? Likely not!

    It wouldn't be worth the stress of going tbh. I don't subscribe to the 'its faaaaammmily, you HAVE to go' thing. For the OP it involves travel, upsetting their bubs routine etc. I don't see the big deal about the OP not attending

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    I wouldnt go in your situation I would say you would love to come give nephew his gift and birthday kisses another day (perhaps when dh is at work so you dont miss out on family time?)
    If baby was older than 1 I would rethink above though as they will be more aware

    Edit: just saw the response yoir dh gave which you admitted wasnt good. I think sil hasn't replied because that was so hurtful..
    Last edited by kim85; 16-10-2014 at 07:12.

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    Have just read this thread. It was an interesting one, that's for sure.

    Firstly- although everyone is entitled to give their opinion on the situation (especially seeing as the OP asked for it), she didn't ask for opinions on her character, nor do I think it is necessary or helpful.

    Secondly, at the end of the day- the op will do what she feels is best for her and her family- whether that's take the advice offered or not. It's impossible to really convey the extent of the situation through text and so I don't think any one reader will really understand the situation in it's entirety.

    For me- if that was my family, or even a friend- I would go. Yes, there are friends of family, family of family and family of friends that I really don't get along with and I would still go. I would go and combine my nephews birthday and our family day and make an outing out of it. Maybe go for coffee somewhere, go for a walk etc etc If I wasn't to go and something was to happen (god forbid), I couldn't forgive myself.

    But, my family and associated friends are not yours and it might be completely different scenario than the one I have going on in my head.
    Last edited by SimplyMum; 16-10-2014 at 08:16.

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