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  1. #21
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    I really feel for you ... What a $hit of a time you are having. You deserve to enjoy motherhood

    I hope this doesn't come accross as too blunt. Because I really do think you are a wonderful lady and hope things gets better for you.

    You need to get help for and keep on top of your anxiety. I think this is at the core of the issues with poor bubba not sleeping... Bubbas are sensitive little souls and no doubt bubba can pick up on your stress levels. I know my toddler does when I am stressed (but that's a whole other thread!). Stress and anxiety also cloud your judgement so you probably aren't using the most effective methods to put bub to bed.

    Over various threads people have offered lots of different hints and tricks. You have had a sleep consultant come and visit. You have a tool kit that is bursting at the seams and a bunch of people on BH in your corner. You just need the clarity, calmness and confidence to move forward. Oh and consistency... Don't give up on a new routine/strategy after one or two tries. It can take a week or so for new strategies to gel with bub.

    Wishing you the best of luck.
    Last edited by VicPark; 11-10-2014 at 18:04.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by heartstringz View Post
    Thanks ladies

    I am trying with the techniques I got from the sleep consultant but it just never seems to work. And its just so frustrating & I get so upset that dh can get him down & I cant cause it means that ds basically doesnt sleep between 6am & 7.30pm monday to friday & then sleeps during the day on weekends cause dh is here. So I know he can sleep during the day, he just wont for me

    Fitchick I dont drive, otherwise I would. A walk with the pram gets him one nap but then he still wont go to sleep for the rest of the day

    I just want to be consistant in our approach but when I cant settle him thats really hard - like if I can ever get ds to go to sleep its either on my lap, in his rocker or in the pram. Rarely in his cot. But dh can always get ds down in his cot. So I dont want him to think he only has to sleep in his cot when his dad is here & when he's not he'll just be held or sleep in his rocker

    Dh sometimes goes away overnight for work so I need to figure this out because it will be a nightmare otherwise. Dh is the one who has to put ds down for the night every time & if he's not here then he'd most likely scream all night. Im dreading the day dh has to go away for work

    Im not happy about making a feed to sleep association. I do it when I have to but I wont do it all the time. Cause that means I could never not be here at sleep time otherwise dh or grandparents/family members will have hours & hours of screaming. I want to be able to leave him with family members etc occasionally

    Sent from my SM-T210 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    You are getting so much good advice that I don't have much to add. I just wanted to say that feeding to sleep doesn't always mean you can't leave your baby with anyone else . DS always slept much better when fed to sleep when younger and he had no issues being rocked or cuddled to sleep by others if I wasn't there (though it did affect night sleeping as he got older). If feeding to sleep works right now, just go with it!

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by sajimum View Post
    You are getting so much good advice that I don't have much to add. I just wanted to say that feeding to sleep doesn't always mean you can't leave your baby with anyone else . DS always slept much better when fed to sleep when younger and he had no issues being rocked or cuddled to sleep by others if I wasn't there (though it did affect night sleeping as he got older). If feeding to sleep works right now, just go with it!
    I agree with this. You've tried the sleeping in the cot but it's obviously not working right now to the point you are doubting yourself as a mum. I would just do what if takes, pram, feeding, cuddling, so that both of you are relaxed and enjoying each other. Your DH can still get bub to sleep the way he has been doing so that the baby learns to settle for others as well (as this is important to you). You will see how babies change all the time as well as their sleep routines. I know everyone makes a big deal about self-settling but sometimes the baby wasn't told that he is meant to sleep in the cot by himself Once you start approaching the sleep situation from a more relaxed frame of mind, everything is going to fall into place. I would focus less on creating bad habits and more on enjoying your time with your baby

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  7. #24
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    1. What does DH do differently to you when putting your DS down?
    2. Have you sought any help for your anxiety yet? Children can pick up on these things.

  8. #25
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    If ds only wants to cat nap maybe you are just going to have to go with that for the moment. As cute as babies are they can be very frustrating!
    My friends ds has never slept longer than 30/40min at a time but sleeps great at night. My ds was a great sleeper day and night but has now changed his mind about sleeping during the day and I now hate nap time.
    Sometimes I just have to accept he is going to play by his own rules...
    I think part of the problem is you are already stressed before sleep time and he is picking up on that as well. Sometimes I have to hand ds over to Dh to get him to go to sleep, I understand how frustrating it is.
    I'm sorry I can't really be of much help

  9. #26
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    How does taking DS in your room and laying with/feeding him during the day work? Is it something you could try - would he scream laying down and possibly feeding to sleep - which may lead to you getting 40 winks too?

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  11. #27
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    Hello
    I've been reading your posts and I really do feel for you. Initially, I was overwhelmed with having my bubba too (and she was an okay sleeper) and going out took ages to get used to.
    I really really think it's time to seek some outside support. There is so much help out there but sometimes it's hard knowing how to access it.
    I do know that if you rang your child health nurse and asked to go in and see her, that they would offer you lots of help or direct you to the right places.
    Looking back, I was exhausted and running on empty and it sounds like you are too. Please try to reach out. A PP said you deserve to enjoy motherhood, and you do.

    In general some things that helped were:
    online shopping
    other mums (join a playgroup if you didn't click with mums from mums' group)
    chocolate
    having shower
    Harvey Karps- happiest baby in the block (settling program)
    taking to my GP/health nurse about anxiety/exhaustion
    not worrying about the house eg house work
    good luck

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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    I think you need to throw any preconceived ideas of a routine and how you want to do things out the window.

    I have seen so many threads from you about the same issues and the same things happen with every thread. People offer up good suggestions and you make excuses about why that won't work or why you won't try it for the majority of the suggestions.

    Seeing someone for your anxiety has been suggested by posters well before you gave birth. Have you actually done this????

    Please go see someone for your anxiety and start working as a team with your DH. It's not you vs him as to who the "better parent" is. You're a team.
    I'm not saying you're wrong or right but if I worded it like this I would have been ripped a new one by the BH ladies..?..
    Last edited by VicPark; 11-10-2014 at 20:53.

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  15. #29
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    How long did the sleep consultant stay? You might need more help for a longer period. Can the sleep consultant see you again? Can you see the GP about Ellen Barron? I believe that is a week stay. It would be a good idea so they can see what is going on over a period of time.
    My first sounds like your DS and I ended up in a bad place. All this advice you are getting is excellent but I know it becomes overwhelming. I really wouldn't worry at this stage about creating bad habits. Just do whatever you can to survive and get through it. You are getting to know your baby so try to do whatever works and keeps you both calm for now. I really feel for you because I have had a similar experience.

  16. #30
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    Could bub be hungry? My first baby was always unsettled and upset until I stopped trying to breastfeed and switched to formula. Suddenly she was happy and slept. I realised then that she was just upset because she was always hungry and I had poor supply.

    Have you watched Dunstan's baby language? Check out the oprah interview with her on youtube. For weeks I thought my DD just had a cute cry that went "Neh" but now I know that meant she was hungry.


 

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