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  1. #1
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    Default Have you been burnt by Friendship. ..

    So as the title says have you been burnt by a bestie. ..close friend at some stage and are willing to share ...
    I have and it's the reason why I have so much trouble in stepping out and making a new one.
    I have so many walls it's not funny....
    TIA

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Once I thought I was burnt but when we reconnected a year later I realized I was the one being an idiot. She forgave me and was riding out my stupidity. This was seven years ago. Now she is my bff, godmother to my eldest, my maid of honour and I'm her maid of honour in two weeks.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    I will admit my story is unusual. Have you tried to find out what's wrong? I currently have a friend who is being a d!ck but I'm just waiting for her to come around again. She knows I will wait for her.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    Yes, too many times unfortunately. I am far to open, honest, trusting, sharing and see the good in people... will come back to relay later...

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    I had a friend for years who was really draining. She was a bit of a taker, was unreliable and was also a bit of a story teller for the sake of drama. She was also very negative and would put me down in front of other people.

    The friendship was so exhausting and in the end I had to make the decision to back out and cease contact. It was a bit sad because we had been friends for so many years but I have no regrets as my life became less complicated without her in it.

    It hasn't stopped me from making new friends. It was probably a positive thing because I tend to be more selective and surround myself with people that make me feel happy and good about myself.
    Last edited by Ra Ra Superstar; 09-10-2014 at 12:21.

  6. #6
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    @btmac that is horrifying. She must be a sociopath to be able to hurt the two closest people in her life. Or at least incredibly selfish.

    I haven't really been burned, no. Disappointed and hurt, sure. But I don't generally cut ties with people.

    I imagine a couple of people would say they've been burned by me. Not because of anything specific I did, but because I tend to disappear and go into my cave during rough times, and they probably feel that I abandoned them out of nowhere. Now I'm older and a little teeny bit less private, I've learned to say to my friends 'you probably won't hear from me for a while. It's not you, it's me.' And generally they understand that.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to harvs For This Useful Post:

    btmacxxx  (09-10-2014)

  8. #7
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    Just once.
    Won't happen again.

    This friend was basically my sister. We went to high school, tafe and worked together. She was two years older than me, and we were thick as thieves. She got married, had four gorgeous kids in fairly quick succession and I had my DP.

    We spent a lot of time together, after work, weekends - they were my family, particularly when DP was working loooong hours. Her husband was like a brother to me. He had been suffering from depression for a while and would often chat to me, come over for an hour or so just to debrief as I have some experience in the matter. She would do the same - 4 kids under 8, when she needed a break she came to me. When her husband quit his job, I did everything I could for them - babysat whenever they wanted, stayed at their house when he/she were having a bad day, gave them money (so much money now that I think on it), and even gave them our car when we got a new one.

    One night, she called me in a rage, accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I was a bit , but just said no, I did not, and followed up with 'When you want to apologise for talking to me like that, you know where I am'. I never heard from her directly again.

    The next day, she turned up at my house (I was out the back, but could hear), to talk to DP. She handed her a box of pregnancy tests and said 'these are your **** of a wives for the next guy she climbs onto'

    That afternoon, I got a phone call from my boss stating that she had received some concerning documents about my personal life and was suspending menu she could investigate and have a meeting with me a week later. Turned out this woman had constructed months worth of messages where 'I' had admitted to sleeping with supervisors on the job to get ahead. I barely scraped out of that with my job.

    All of this - because she had a thought, and rather than talk it out with me, or even her husband - just assumed.

    This was 6 months ago? And I still feel sick when j think about it. Those people were my family, they weren't someone I met a few months ago. Her husband was one of my closest friends and confidants as well - I hate to think how this affected him. Although maybe it didn't. I miss her and her company, but not this person. I miss those kids, I watched them grow up, her youngest is named after me for goodness sake.

    I don't care about the money, time or material stuff. It actually shook me that someone could hate me that much for trying to help. I spent about a month feeling sick, anxious and shaky after that happened.

    Sure there's been others that have drifted or hurt a little, but no friendship has hurt as much as that. I think even DP telling me she didn't love me didn't hurt as much.

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    Yes I have cut ties with someone, and I've had someone cut ties with me.

    The one who cut ties with me...I don't know for sure but I suspect her husband didn't like me very much. We had been friends since we were 12, and we were really close until her DH came on to the scene. I started a family, she was working full time. We didn't see each other heaps after my 2nd was born and she was married, but I really knew things were drifting when she took a month to come and meet my third baby, and then only stayed for 30 minutes. Anyway, about 18 months later she had her first baby and I thought it would bring us closer together. She suffered PND and became a big germaphobe. Then she invited us to an event and failed to tell me that her baby had gastro. My whole family got gastro and I messaged her and asked her to please tell us in future as we wouldn't have gone if we knew her baby was sick with gastro. Anyway, that was the end. She cut me off completely. We have a mutual friend who told me she thinks this friend regrets cutting ties with me, but if she wants the friendship she can make the first move. I'm not. Currently she ignores me completely if she sees me in the shopping centre, but asks our mutual friend how we're doing etc (mutual friend tells her if she wants to know she should call me and ask).

    I cut a friend off recently after deciding I'd had enough of her lies, and using me due to her addiction to pain killers. I don't miss that friendship. It became seriously toxic.


    I am a social person so need to have people around me and have some amazing friends. I'm probably a bit guarded, but I don't shy away from friendships.

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by SeymourTheBear View Post
    Just once.
    Won't happen again.

    This friend was basically my sister. We went to high school, tafe and worked together. She was two years older than me, and we were thick as thieves. She got married, had four gorgeous kids in fairly quick succession and I had my DP.

    We spent a lot of time together, after work, weekends - they were my family, particularly when DP was working loooong hours. Her husband was like a brother to me. He had been suffering from depression for a while and would often chat to me, come over for an hour or so just to debrief as I have some experience in the matter. She would do the same - 4 kids under 8, when she needed a break she came to me. When her husband quit his job, I did everything I could for them - babysat whenever they wanted, stayed at their house when he/she were having a bad day, gave them money (so much money now that I think on it), and even gave them our car when we got a new one.

    One night, she called me in a rage, accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I was a bit , but just said no, I did not, and followed up with 'When you want to apologise for talking to me like that, you know where I am'. I never heard from her directly again.

    The next day, she turned up at my house (I was out the back, but could hear), to talk to DP. She handed her a box of pregnancy tests and said 'these are your **** of a wives for the next guy she climbs onto'

    That afternoon, I got a phone call from my boss stating that she had received some concerning documents about my personal life and was suspending menu she could investigate and have a meeting with me a week later. Turned out this woman had constructed months worth of messages where 'I' had admitted to sleeping with supervisors on the job to get ahead. I barely scraped out of that with my job.

    All of this - because she had a thought, and rather than talk it out with me, or even her husband - just assumed.

    This was 6 months ago? And I still feel sick when j think about it. Those people were my family, they weren't someone I met a few months ago. Her husband was one of my closest friends and confidants as well - I hate to think how this affected him. Although maybe it didn't. I miss her and her company, but not this person. I miss those kids, I watched them grow up, her youngest is named after me for goodness sake.

    I don't care about the money, time or material stuff. It actually shook me that someone could hate me that much for trying to help. I spent about a month feeling sick, anxious and shaky after that happened.

    Sure there's been others that have drifted or hurt a little, but no friendship has hurt as much as that. I think even DP telling me she didn't love me didn't hurt as much.
    .
    Last edited by SeymourTheBear; 09-10-2014 at 16:24.

  11. #10
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    Yeah, I've been burnt once. Years ago now, I had a bestie who was also close friends with my now ex (we were engaged at the time). They were so close in fact, that they were always going out for coffee dates, clubbing, etc without me. It wasn't ever a "You're not invited" thing, it was just, they both would finish work earlier than me and go out together instead of waiting for me to finish work, going out drinking on Friday nights knowing that I had to work early Saturday and wouldn't be able to go etc.
    It made me feel left out, and a few friends (both his, mine, and mutual) had told me in confidence that they felt that the behaviour of my bestie and fiance when they were out without me was 'inappropriate'. I started to think they were going behind my back, that I was being cheated on etc.
    I eventually broke up with my ex and my bestie sided with him (without ever even bothering to hear my side of the story). I sort of understand why, ex went around fabricating stories about me and exaggerating the truth to everyone who would listen, but she didn't even ask me what really happened. That hurt me way more than the breakup itself and also confirmed (so I thought) my suspicions that they were secretly together behind my back.

    Fast forward five or so years, I'm now happily married with a son, my ex and ex-bestie have a daughter almost the same age. I've spoken to her via email (I went through a stage of PND and for some reason missing her and feeling sad that we were both going through the same thing at the same time but not having anything to do with each other. I had no mummy friends who lived close by).
    So anyway I sent her an email and tried to clear the air, she insists that her and ex never did anything while we were still together and were just close friends (they didn't 'officially' get together until a few years later as far as I know). He helped her through a rough patch with depression (which hurts to know, because when I was depressed he basically shunned me. Also that she never told me this at the time). Anyway I believe her, and I feel bad for assuming, and despite how things turned out there are no hard feelings (on my end anyway) but we will probably never be friends again because it's too awkward with my ex not wanting anything to do with me. I miss her and I wish we were still friends but what can you do.


 

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