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  1. #1
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    Default Struggling with step kids

    My DP and I have been together for a few years, I have a DS from a previous relationship and he has a DD and a SD that he still takes.. We have a baby together. Ive found since having our baby together im struggling with his kids. im not sure if its sleep deprivation and my patience has pretty much gone.. its making life very difficult for all of us and I don't know how to fix it...

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    Hugs... blended familys can be hard work.
    How often do you have the step.kids and what ages are they ?

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    We have them every 2nd weekend and half the holidays. They are 8 and 11. The eldest (DP's DS) is very delayed and way over medicated. I really struggle with that. I don't think it'd be so bad if she wasn't so medicated.

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    I found that how I feel about DSD has gone thru some changes since ive has DS. A big part is because of things to do with my DH but partly its just a natural progression as theres a new baby in the house.
    I have 3 older biokids and with each new baby I felt like the umbilical cord was cut a little more with each older kid if that makes sense.

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    In what ways are you struggling? I'm not a step mum but I've been struggling with my toddler since bub come along. My patience is shot. Like it's taken me a bit of time to get used to the new status quo.

    Could it be similar for you? Are you on the mini pill? That can cause women to get extra cranky some times.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    I found that how I feel about DSD has gone thru some changes since ive has DS. A big part is because of things to do with my DH but partly its just a natural progression as theres a new baby in the house.
    I have 3 older biokids and with each new baby I felt like the umbilical cord was cut a little more with each older kid if that makes sense.

    Sent from my SM-G900I using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I totally get feelings changing when you have one of your own.. I think alot of it is to with my DP also.. I know I have high expectations of his kids however im the same with my bio DS. Although at the same time he's 15 and knows how things are, ive raised him totally on my own no help from his dad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    In what ways are you struggling? I'm not a step mum but I've been struggling with my toddler since bub come along. My patience is shot. Like it's taken me a bit of time to get used to the new status quo.

    Could it be similar for you? Are you on the mini pill? That can cause women to get extra cranky some times.
    Honestly its like they just don't fit into the routine as such.. im a very routine person.. Every 2nd weekend I go from a teenager and a new born to 4 kids! obviously lack of sleep is not at all helping..
    Im not on the mini pill so that isn't a factor unfortunately it would be a quick fix if it was. As I said before maybe my expectations are too high. How do I change that? Part of me is so used to being a single mum now I have an instant large family.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    I'm a routines person too so I can certainly understand that! Could you try to look at it from a different angle? Eg instead of seeing your routine as a daily or weekly thing, see it as a fortnightly thing. Clearly write on a calendar when the step kids will be with you. Make a conscious effort to do certain things when there are fewer kids in the house (washing bed sheets, cooking in bulk, vacuuming etc) and doing less when there are more kids. This might help with the patience thing.... Ie draw up a new routine based on how to best manage the household over the longer fortnight period.

    Hope this makes sense. Good luck

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    DizzyDaisy  (09-10-2014),LoveLivesHere  (09-10-2014)

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    I think you need to plan to give yourself some space every second weekend and make sure your Dp is doing the parenting for the stepkids.
    Even if it means putting a tv in your room so that you and the baby can have a chill out zone.
    You are most likely feeling raw and emotional from having a newborn and sleep deprivation is awful it can be very stressful.
    I found coping with general day to day life a struggle when my son was a baby who never slept and i had 3 step.kids to care for nearly all the time on top of that.
    Just remember, this phase will change and give it time you will have a new routine that works well for you.
    Last edited by Blue Dragon; 09-10-2014 at 08:25.

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    DizzyDaisy  (09-10-2014),VicPark  (09-10-2014)

  12. #10
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    Thanks so much for your advice, DP definitely needs to take a more active approach with his kids when they are with us.. I did mention it to him when they went home the last time we had them. I
    don't deal with the chaos and you're right im probably trying to do too much on those weekends so im getting cranky and frustrated with everyone. I'll definitely give your suggestions a go

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DizzyDaisy For This Useful Post:

    Blue Dragon  (09-10-2014),VicPark  (09-10-2014)


 

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