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  1. #1
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    Default Soon To Be A Single Mum

    Hi everyone. I'm an old member returning to the hub after being gone for a couple of years.

    My partner and I broke up on Friday night (we have a daughter together). I'm absolutely heart broken and we've decided to stay living together until we can both sort out living situations for both of us. It's a tricky situation to explain but there is not hate or anger amongst us and I know to a certain extent that things will be fine. However I'm scared. I'm scared of doing this on my own, scared of living without him, scared of the day when we no longer live together, scared that our daughter is not going to understand. How did you deal with the fear? I don't really have any friends, just acquaintances and co-workers so I don't really have anyone to talk to this about.

  2. #2
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    Mod-SammiAnn is offline Administrator
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    I have no advice sorry but couldn't read without replying. Hopefully someone that can give you some life experience will come along soon but in the mean time, I'm sure you are stronger than you think you are. Best of luck.

    Sam

  3. #3
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    Mod-SammiAnn is offline Administrator
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    And welcome back to Bubhub

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  5. #5
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Hi @blue nails, I don't think you were still posting by the time I joined :-)

    Your separation sounds a lot like mine was initially - particularly the living together part. It's great that you can be relatively amicable at this stage. Just be aware that there are some challenges that can come with living together for too long, and with being 'amicable'. I think for me, one if those challenges was being brave enough to set out on my own.

    It is scary - you worry about your children, your loveability, doing things that you've never had to do before, managing on your own etc. And if, like me, you are relatively isolated, it can be incredibly overwhelming. There are still times when fear gets the better of me - when that happens I try to go back to love. What do I have to do to show myself love? Is what I'm doing the best for my DS, who is the greatest love of my life? It gives me a bit more clarity.

    If you honestly believe that separation is the best option, then the truth is to get over it, you have to go through it. It's scary, but it does get easier, I promise. Lots of women here will agree to that. And if you're really not coping, counselling is an amazing tool to help you learn some strategies to function.

    I don't know if any of this helps. I remember how I felt at the start. Such a maelstrom of fear and sadness. I hope you feel better soon :-)

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    Hi BlueNails, I'm in a similar position to you at the moment. Although we haven't officially ended things yet.we are in seperate rooms. We still get along fairly well the love just doesnt seem there..

    But I can relate to the fear of everything ending even though deep down I know I can do it, its just taking those first scary steps.



    Sent from my GT-I9195T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Hi blue nails, I have been raising my sons single for their whole lives so while our situations are a little different I know the fear. I am scared my boys will not understand when they grow up, scared that they will want to get to know their dad or he will suddenly come back into their lives, and of course it's always scary on your own. I know it doesn't feel it but it's natural.

    I second harvs suggestion of counselling or going to talk to someone who is trained in this sort of thing, it can be the last thing you want to do but it really can do wonders.

    Take comfort in there being no anger and hate, it sounds as thought you could be in a good position to work together on it a little even though you have separated however I do not want to make any assumptions.

    Over all, remind yourself that you can do this, every day, I can do it. Even when you don't think you can do anything, you tell yourself you can do it anyway. Do it for you, do it for her...its such a cliche but I promise just the one little thought really can help even when you don't even believe it. Remember whatever you do is the best you can do. Sadly we aren't (or I am not) part of this magical group of superwomen I am only human, but do what we can and that's got to be enough. So often I think that we dont give ourselves enough credit so remember whatever you feel, you are amazing.

    Do you have family you can talk to about it? If you dont remember there is always someone available. I have only joined the forums today but I have heard and seen there are some amazing people here and I am sure there is someone who you can talk to.

    I'm not always great at advice and I think this is a bit all over the place...however hang in there...sending love and good thoughts your way

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    Hi there, our situation seems so very similar. We have a daughter together and he is in the process of finding somewhere to live. I was in pure melt down mode for a week, almost paralized with fear but I know I'm an adult and I can do this. Try and focus on the silver lining when the fear creeps up on you and reach out to a support person like a school mum, even if youre not close for a little support.


 

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