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  1. #11
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    The etiquette at DD's school is whole-class party invites are handed out at school and more selective party invites are posted.

    No, I wouldn't invite a bully or other child DD didn't like to her party. It's her special day and I refuse to cater to the culture of entitlement that teaches kids they can expect fun/ exciting things despite how poorly they behave.

  2. #12
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    What a stupid policy! I didn't get invited to parties as a little kid, I'm fine about it. Wrap them in some wool some more.

    My eldest daughters year level has never done full class parties. My youngest got invited to a whole class party at play centre. It's up to the parents. Another child had a party and didn't invite my daughters friend because she didn't get along with her. That's fine.

    I'd be having a word with my principal if that was a done thing at my kids school. No way.


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  3. #13
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    I'm currently making invites for my boys to give to one friend each for their "party", a grand total of 4 kids

    I would never invite children my kids weren't friends with.

    Last year they got to invite 3 friends each, and because it was kinder it was as simple as me dropping the invites into their notes folders in the foyer. This year, I'm going to give the invites discreetly to their mothers before or after school.

    Professionally, working in a 5/6 room where girls have already started the bullying by exclusion thing, I have had to deal with the fallout of one or two girls out of the whole class not being invited. That's always hard because there is excited chatter both before and after the party and I feel terrible for those girls who aren't invited. I still wouldn't use the blanket rule of invite a whole class though? Weird rule.

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    This is something that concerns me as ds gets older and starts school. I dont think its fair the school expects you to invite the whole class. Surely cupcakes or party bags in class should suffice. I was never invited to every single child's party. My parent's would most likely not have let me go with having to give a gift at every party would have been outside their budget. As long as invites are discreetly given to parents I cant see an issue, unless you were inviting all bar one or two kids

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    That seems absurd to me. My son is kindy age and he has some close friends in his class and some he doesn't know all that well. It would never occur to me to invite the whole class and if the school suggested it I would flat out say no! Insane! It was stressful enough for me to arrange a party for 7 kids let alone 20!

    Could you maybe ask for addresses and send invites that way rather than distributing them at school?

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    No. I would never invite a whole class.

    Why the he'll would I invite someone my child doesn't like to their party. That's stupid.

    I don't let the school dictate how I parent.
    This

    But we did invite dd2 whole class she wanted too but I knew only around half would turn up all her good friends where there

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    Never invited the whole class. I usually invite about 8 from class as she has cousins around her age she invites as well as outside of school friends and I usually end up with 15-20 kids even without a whole class invited.

    If there are kids my child doesn't get along with there's no way I'd put another child's feelings before my own child's feelings.

    I don't think it's within the schools right to expect this.

    Stuff I do include the whole class in is if she hands out Christmas cards at school or takes birthday cake (cupcakes) to school. There has been an incident where a mum didn't like me so she excluded my child from getting a Xmas card and another boy who took cupcakes but only for the boys. Not on!!! But I guess that's another thread.


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    Last edited by Jensha; 05-10-2014 at 18:47.

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    My opinion on this subject was pretty unpopular last time but here goes again:

    1) I will never invite the whole class to one of my kid's parties. This is also not the done thing at my kids school, although my middle child got invited to one whole class party this year. It was at a park, but it was madness and confirmed for me why I will never do a whole class party.

    2) We're not even discrete about handing out invitations. No one is. The kids aren't rude, but they've generally already let their friends know that they're only allowed to invite x amount of kids. Amazingly, kids handing out invitations to kids in front of others at school has caused ZERO issues. I know, it's a miracle to think that kids in this day and age can cope when not being wrapped in cotton wool

    Recently my oldest child was invited to a sleep over party. The girl who's party it was was limited to 4 invites, but they're a group of about 8 who regularly hang out and play together. The next day the whole group all met up the park for a play and everyone, including the adults, asked the kids who went to the sleep over how it was, what time did they go to bed etc. No one got upset, everyone ran off and played together and had a blast and there were no hurt feelings.

    I don't understand the whole need to post invites, or hand them to the parents. Sure your child might be disappointed that they missed out but it's not that hard to explain to your child that their friends can't invite everyone and it's a great life lesson that you don't ALWAYS have to be invited to events to be friends with people. I know my friends do things separately sometimes, and no one gets offended. Heck, three of us went to the beach the other day together with out kids and a 4th friend rang one friend to see where she was because she was going to invite her to bring her kids to the park. The friend at the park wasn't upset that three of us were at the beach and none of us were upset that we weren't being invited to the park.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PlayNice View Post
    Our eldest DS is in Kindy and this year is having a big birthday party. The school asks that invites include the whole class to avoid hurt feelings and that was no problem because DS wants the whole class anyway, plus a few extra from another class.

    But there have been two boys who bother him (they are NOT in his class), they are rough boys and DS has often mentioned that they have pushed or been rough with him. We've spoken to his teacher and they are keeping an eye on the situation but my questions are these;

    If there are kids in your child's class who your child doesn't like or get along with, do you still invite them to their birthday party?

    Do you invite the whole class to your child's birthday parties to avoid hurt feelings?
    OP do they actually require you to invite every child or do they just ask that you only hand out invites at school when the whole class is being invited?

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    OP, I agree that it is not within the schools rights to request you to invite the whole class to the party. I would agree with Sonya - perhaps what they mean is that you should only hand out invites publicly/ in front of other children at kindy when the whole class is invited? You also mentioned that there are only 14 children in the class - I would wonder if perhaps there were a lot of parties happening where, say, 12 kids were invited, and 2 missed out each time (and probably the same 2)... which is a bit mean if it is done publicly. So I would wonder if maybe they were requesting not to invite 12 or 13 kids and leave the same 1 or two out of things each time? Maybe the school just havent communicated this well? At Uni, I was taught that if you have a child with special needs in your class, you should try to help the other parents include that child. Including educating the other parents about that child's special needs, and asking if they would consider inviting that child to birthdays, etc. Imagine if you had a child with Autism, say, and there was a class of 14 and your child was the only one not invited to the parties each time - you could see how that would be hurtful. However, I'm not saying that's what is happening - just trying to find an explanation of why the school would request to invite everyone. It certainly is an unusual request, not something I've ever heard from a school before, and I don't think they have any right to dictate how you plan the birthdays.

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