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  1. #61
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    OP I'm so sorry that your family is going through this, and sorry for all that you have lost and how much your world has changed. It sounds like you are all already going through so much with SD, to have something like this happen as well would just be too much to handle.

    I'm glad that you'll be getting family counseling. Hopefully it will help you all to deal with the fallout, something like this affects so many aspects of your life.

    My family went through something similar when I was a young child. My parents did a great job of shielding us from it, it wasn't until I was an adult that it was fully explained to me. My grandmother stayed with my grandfather for many more years, until he died. For her, she stayed because he was a violently abusive man and threatened to kill her if she left. She was just so beaten down that she never found the strength to leave. I think you need to know more about why your MIL has stayed... Maybe she's afraid, maybe she's in denial, maybe FIL is a very persuasive & convincing man and has convinced her that what he did wasn't so bad... None of these reasons really excuse her staying and supporting him and covering it up. But they may go some way towards explaining it. I think you need to know just so you can make decisions on whether to continue to allow her in your lives.

    Sending hugs and strength to you & your family.



    Sent from my GT-I9195T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  3. #62
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    Thank you for sharing littlelove, I appreciate it and your advice. The devastation just keeps growing but I am trying to hold it together for DH. We just focused on having a nice family day with SD yesterday which we did. It seems like he knows once he lets it sink in it's going to devastate him so he's trying to block it out so he can stay strong for SD this week.

    The shock is just so immense, I keep going through everything trying to think of some little sign or feeling or ANYTHING that could have made it obvious and there's nothing. I am just so sad for my DD1, she loves we grandparents so much and the last few times we've seen them have been so lovely. She had just started pronouncing grandpa properly. I just can't stop crying.

    Thank you so much for listening and all your comments, it's helping a lot to be able to talk about it somewhere.

  4. #63
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    Again I'm so sorry. Just process what you can

  5. #64
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    Just wanted to express how sorry I am that your family is going through this. I can only imagine how devastating it has been. All the best.

  6. #65
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    I'm so so sorry your family is going through this.

    Just in response to the bit about your FIL and MIL thinking they could lie their way out of this- pedophiles are just that. They have had a lifetime to learn to lie, charm, deceive the most innocent people. Your FIL was delusional enough to think he could get away with pedophilia, it would have been easy for him to think he could hide this police investigation from you. He has probably groomed your MIL for many, many years too. She may have been in complete denial for decades.

    good luck to you and your family through this. Take your time and process it one day at a time.

  7. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devastated29 View Post
    Thank you for sharing littlelove, I appreciate it and your advice. The devastation just keeps growing but I am trying to hold it together for DH. We just focused on having a nice family day with SD yesterday which we did. It seems like he knows once he lets it sink in it's going to devastate him so he's trying to block it out so he can stay strong for SD this week.

    The shock is just so immense, I keep going through everything trying to think of some little sign or feeling or ANYTHING that could have made it obvious and there's nothing. I am just so sad for my DD1, she loves we grandparents so much and the last few times we've seen them have been so lovely. She had just started pronouncing grandpa properly. I just can't stop crying.

    Thank you so much for listening and all your comments, it's helping a lot to be able to talk about it somewhere.
    Couldn't float past and not offer my support. What an awful thing to surface in your fam!

    Do whatever it takes to protect your children from this person. Regardless of whether they end up on the sx offender registry/or for how long - do not let your kids anywhere near them. These disgusting offenders do not change. They will do and say anything to try and save face, reality is that this is an element of their thoughts and behaviours forever and would have existed a long time ago undetected. They are also extremely manipulative, so be prepared for future guilt trips etc.

    I haven't had the time to trawl through all of the posts, but if you haven't already - contact the investigating police member and ensure that NO material containing images of your children was found. They would have had to go through a mountain of material. The fact that they used the services of a police member to engage with him online is an indicator of the severity of his offending. That does not happen often or with lower level stuff.

    You can also search court listings by offenders surname to monitor any further court dates (it may not be completely finalised even if it has been released to the media), this will also give you the surname of the police member charging them. Court would be 'open court' so you can go and observe/listen.

    I would recommend that you make contact with CASA or their equivalent if you are interstate http://www.casa.org.au/contacts/

    Good luck.

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  9. #67
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    Thanks so much for your advice Que Sera, it is such a big help, we have no idea where to start. Thank you.

  10. #68
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    It says that an amount of the pictures found were in the second and third highest categories for images of this nature.

  11. #69
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    I have read along with my jaw on the ground and my heart in my throat. I have no advice except to agree with talking to the officer in charge in regards to photos of your kids. I also couldn't continue reading and not show support for you guys. The implications are not minor in any way. They are huge, life altering, heart shattering consequences you are having to suffer through by no fault of your own. All I can do is offer the biggest of virtual hugs for you and your family. Xoxo

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  13. #70
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    There's no way on earth FIL will ever see me or my children ever again, ever. Nothing will change that and DH supports that completely. We had a big talk this afternoon which has been a relief. My heart is breaking for him, he is so distraught. He wants to talk to his dad and thought it would be a good idea to do it with a mediator of some sort. It's easy for me to cut ties immediately but of course I understand it's completely different for him.

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