I have no experience in anything like this of course, but I have experience in feeling frustrated while waiting for your man to act :-)
Would it help you any if you and your DH could earmark a date where he will tell your SD and her mother and also cut ties with his family? Like a commitment to act, and then you can relax a little knowing it would happen and can help prepare him for the conversation and how it might go?
I understand supporting his desire to wait but it might be a sort of compromise? Even earmarking a date to set a date?
I used to have to do that with FOB all the time - 'I'd really like to talk about xyz. Can we set a time to talk about it?'
Big hugs to you - the two of you are so strong.
It truly sounds like you're handling this the best possible way one could, and your husband must be experiencing so much hurt and grief ATM too. Be kind to yourselves, you're doing a brilliant job protecting your own. These people need to own their own decisions and actions- when you said your mil told you "well he will go to jail then" as if it were somehow on you it made my blood boil!
So what lady? He decided to do these horrible things - if he goes to jail it's because he deserves it. You have a Devine right to know if your children's images etc have been involved and she is so incredibly selfish/narcissistic to put his/her name above the safety of their family- including spreading much needed knowledge of what he is capable of.
I feel sick for you- all the best- never doubt you're doing the right thing!
@harvs that is a great idea babe! I think that is something that could really work for him - he's good with deadlines. Thanks!
Anyway I just wanted you to know you're not alone, hugs. I remember reading this thread around the time it happened for us too and your strength and resolve made it easier for me to stand my ground and go no contact so thanks for sharing your story even though it's so hard to admit (which is why it's taken me this long to reply ).
Oh @Amiedoll that sounds so horribly hard xx the family gatherings are so hard, we want to see everyone else but they want to pretend nothing's happening! We did it at Christmas to make SIL and her husbands trip easier and to give DSD a nice Christmas after her surgery but it was just so awful and we regret it. Seeing all the fake smiles and laughs. FIL's parole officer even turned up for a surprise check while everyone was there, it was horrible.
I hope things can get easier for you, stay strong! Xx
Oh that sounds so hard I was lucky in a way, I told mum no and she canceled our plans so I got to avoid it. It really was the elephant in the room though since mum came to visit us by herself instead. I'm starting to think I'll have to face it sooner or later though because I need some closure.
It's going to be rough
I can only imagine having to sit at a table and watch the fake happiness I don't know how he managed to turn up and pretend to that everything was fine
Ours does something similar on Facebook, he posts silly updates and links and I just get so angry because it's so stupid. He's ruined lives and ripped his family apart but he posts links to his church or shares cat videos or whatever like nothing has changed
Thanks for chatting about this, it's been really good to just vent a bit about it. It's almost impossible to talk about it in real life, people just get so uncomfortable
Vent away @Amiedoll, it really helps. I've been feeling so awful the past couple of weeks and feel so much better after just talking about it a bit in here last night. Can you block your brother on Facebook so you don't have to see that stuff? It's infuriating to know they can just carry on like their horrible acts haven't forever changed our lives not to mention the poor victims
I'll have to look into it I think, I have no idea how it works without de friending (which would set mum off ). Thankfully Google is my friend
I just don't understand some people, I know if I was facing court for much less I wouldn't be blithely posting crap and smiling through a family dinner. Id be mortified, but it's probably why I wouldn't hurt anyone else in the first place. Ugh just over it all.
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